Tipping for Dummies: Round 10

Posted in Sports by

Keen to get this weekend of footy started after Collingwood’s disappointing loss last night. Like really. Really.

Everybody's favourite Tipping for Dummies!

Everybody’s favourite Tipping for Dummies!

SolSat’s predictions from round nine: 5 out of 8 (62.5%)

Friday May 16, 2014
South Sydney Rabbitohs vs. Melbourne Storm @ ANZ Stadium
Kicking off this week’s footy is the Bunnies and the Storm at ANZ. Both teams are coming off wins last week; the Bunnies soundly defeated the Titans while the Storm won a nailbiter against Manly. The Bunnies side remains unchanged with an extended bench while Joel Romelo starts as five-eighth due to suspension.
SolSat’s prediction: Melbourne Storm
Both of these finals footy teams have been utterly disappointing this season so this prediction was based on the “lesser of two evils” really. The Bunnies have only started to come back into form while the Storm have been up-and-down. Either way, I’ll be in attendance tonight so I hope this one’s phenom.

Brisbane Broncos vs. Gold Coast Titans @ Suncorp Stadium
After the Broncos’ disappointing loss in the Queensland derby last week, they run into the local Queensland derby against the Titans at Suncorp. The Titans were the unfortunate victims of the Bunnies last week and look to regain the form that kept them on the top of the ladder. Ben Hannant returns to the bench for the Bronx while the Titans face several changes, notably Bird’s absence due to suspension.
SolSat’s prediction: Brisbane Broncos
I know the Broncos don’t lack the fire or passion to win so there’s got to be something else hindering them recently. The Titans have just been scraping past with their victories and I think that even though this one will be very close, the Broncos will come out on top.

Saturday May 17, 2014
Parramatta Eels vs. St. George Illawarra Dragons @ Pirtek Stadium
The Eels will look to use their second straight home field advantage against the Dragons on Saturday after a decisive home victory over the Sharkies last week. The Dragons were hammered by the Doggies last week and will hope to turn their luck around. Joe Paulo starts for the Eels while Nightingale starts on the wing for the Dragons. Code hopper Benji Marshall will make his Dragons debut.
SolSat’s prediction: Parramatta Eels
Coming from someone who thought the Eels were a massive joke last season, I have now been turned into a firm believer of the Eels and wouldn’t be surprised to see them in the final 8. I predict a solid win for the Eels over the Saints in this one.

Cronulla Sharks vs. West Tigers @ Remondis Stadium
The Sharks are in desperate need of a win if they even want a glimmer of a shot at the finals. The Tigers started off on fire but that fire has simmered after a flogging at the hands of the Chookies last week. Gibbs and Tagataese start in the front row for the Sharks while Anasta and Farah return for the Tigers.
SolSat’s prediction: West Tigers
Anasta and Farah’s returns for the Tigers will definitely be the boost that they need to defeat the Sharks on Saturday. The Sharks need to re-discover what made them special but it might be too little too late for the Shire team.

North Queensland Cowboys vs. Sydney Roosters @ 1300 SMILES Stadium
At my favouritest named stadium ever, the Cowboys host the premiers with both teams coming off wins over the Broncos and the Tigers respectively. Antonio Winterstein, Ray Thompson and Tariq Sims return from injury for the Cowboys while the Roosters face a dramatic change with Maloney shifting to halfback and SBW of all people playing five-eighth.
SolSat’s prediction: Sydney Roosters
Regardless of the interesting dynamic with Maloney and SBW (I’m sure Maloney would love being that close to him), I think the Roosters will have a clean, decisive win over the Cowboys who continue to be the most wroughted team of the league regarding the refs shit calls.

Sunday May 18, 2014
Canberra Raiders vs. Penrith Panthers @ GIO Stadium
The Raiders are having possibly the worst season the Raiders have ever had while the Panthers have proven the doubters wrong with solid victories. Ricky Stuart has made a number of changes to the Raiders side to ensure victory while McKendry starts for the concussed Plum on the Panthers.
SolSat’s prediction: Penrith Panthers
The Panthers are also another favourite to fit comfortably in finals footy this year after having a good headstart. The Raiders haven’t convinced me that they’re in it to win it so I’m going with a comfortable Panthers victory here.

Canterbury Bulldogs vs. New Zealand Warriors @ Waikato Stadium
The Bulldogs have been firing on all cylinders with their definitive winning streak for the past several weeks. The Warriors have had an up-and-down and look to upset the Bulldogs on home turf. Both teams remain unchanged after both were victorious last week.
SolSat’s prediction: Canterbury Bulldogs
I want what the Doggies are drinking. But in all seriousness, they are the team to beat this season. Not the Eagles, not the Storm. The Doggies are the ones to watch and are proving to be serious final contenders. Solid win for the Doggies here.

Monday May 19, 2014
Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles vs. Newcastle Knights
The Eagles are coming off a quite controversial loss to the Storm last week while the Knights were the recipients of a 22-point flogging from the Panthers. The Sea Eagles get an 18th man while Willie Mason and Korbin Sims return for the Knights, giving them a much needed boost in confidence.
SolSat’s prediction: Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles
I would heavily prefer the Knights to win because I genuinely like the side, however I think Eagles have got this one. After a rough week last week, they will be looking to regain their confidence and will do so at the expense of the Knights.

A couple of hours until the Bunnies-Storm game. Here’s to solid footy!

– by The Black Widow

You Know What Sh!ts Me?: People Getting Ready on Public Transport

Posted in Opinion, What Sh!ts Me by

I hate taking public transport. It’s already bad enough that I have to deal with the system’s terrible schedule, the dirtiness of the vehicles, and the fact that carriages are never at a comfortable temperature – but God, if there’s one thing that’s worse than all of this, it’s the people who take public transport, more specifically, those commuters in the morning.

Alright, so not everyone’s a morning person – granted, it’s probably safe to say a good 80% of us just hate mornings – and being grumpy in the morning is simply an uncontrollable side effect. That’s fine. I can handle grumpiness. But what I can’t handle is the fact some people think it is in within their social right to get ready on public transport.

It is not.

This is how it SHOULD be done. (SOURCE: Reginaldo Andrade's Flickr photostream)

This is how it SHOULD be done. (SOURCE: Reginaldo Andrade’s Flickr photostream)

The train, bus, ferry, light rail, or may I dare to say, the footpath, is not the place for you to get your morning shit together. I’m sorry, but I was under the impression you shouldn’t leave the house until you were ready for the day, or was that just me? Because judging from the number of women I’ve seen putting on an entire face of make-up on public transport alone, I feel like I’ve missed the memo.

Come on, girls. Is public transport really a good place to wave your mascara wand around? I mean it’s a skill to be able to apply make up on a moving platform, I give you that, but it is not a tip endorsed by make up professionals. I believe the correct and preferred way is still on an immovable seat in front of a large mirror. Do you really want other people to know how image obsessed you are, even if you never see them again in your life? That’s no way to give off that effortless beauty look you’re going for. Plus, I would prefer if none of your powder blush landed on my jeans.

I would also prefer if I didn’t have to deal with your dripping hair on my book/newspaper/phone. Or even just watching dripping water fall from your head down your neck onto your back. It’s strangely icky. I know you’re probably clean, assuming your hair is wet because you took a shower rather than taking a quick dip in that puddle outside your house before jumping onboard public transport, but I don’t have to consciously know that you got naked in the morning and scrubbed yourself clean. Icky. And the fact is, I’m seeing more and more people who I can tell have taken showers in the morning. It’s troubling, because the question is, when will we draw the line? Because I am going to be pretty upset if people start taking showers on their morning commute, especially if you’re one of those people who takes a little wee in the shower. Really upset.

And then there’s the issue of breakfast. If you have to eat, or want to eat, I suggest getting up a little earlier because it is just rude to be having your morning meal on public transport, especially if you’re not going to offer it to the person next to you. I am able to deal with coffee or other hot drinks, but not your toast or boiled eggs (oh yes, I’ve seen someone peel eggs on the train). Not only is there a problem of the smell of hot food, which lingers after you’ve long finished it or long gone by the way, there’s also the issue of you sitting on the aisle eating your food and the problem of me having to get over you to get off at my stop. It’s an awkward moment that simply shouldn’t exist, and wouldn’t if you would have have your damn breakfast at home like a normal person.

It’s not a lot to ask, but it would be a whole lot easier if you could actually be ready when you’re ‘ready’ to leave the house. But it seems everyone is getting ready on their morning commute in one way or another. No one is ever ready anymore. Have I been handling myself in public wrong all these years? Should I cut my morning routine by half, so that you can share the remainder with me as I struggle to pick my outfit on a moving vehicle on the train to work/uni/out for that day? Please tell me. I don’t want to look like a put-together morning idiot.

– by Nicole Lam

I Look So Perfect In My Own Underwear, Thanks

Posted in Entertainment, Music by

If you don’t get the 5 Seconds of Summer reference, you are forgiven.

5 Seconds of Summer is an Australian punky pop band from Sydney (reprazent!) who have released the annoyingly catchy She Looks So Perfect song. If it interests you, they have also been the opening act for artists such as Hot Chelle Rae and One Direction.

Boy bands will never die apparently. (SOURCE: Melissa Rose's Flickr photostream.)

Boy bands will never die apparently. (SOURCE: Melissa Rose’s Flickr photostream)

Back to their annoyingly catchy song, I’m going to put it out there that I genuinely like the song – which will come as a shock to those who know me as the country-lovin’ bogan that I am. In saying that, the lyrics to this teeny bopper song are… questionable to say the least.

For instance, the most recognisable line from this song reads: “You look so perfect standing there in my American Apparel underwear.” It rhymes. It’s cute. It makes teen girls everywhere flock to their nearest American Apparel store to buy mens underwear and rock them for that extra confidence boost. Because if one of the blokes sees them wearing mens AA undies, they’re so in!

Okay, now that’s done… rewind. These guys are singing about a girl wearing her boyfriend’s underwear looking like Grace Kelly or something. Let that sink in while I repeat myself… a girl wearing her boyfriend’s underwear. I get how it may be perceived as cute if the girl was wearing her boyfriend’s shirt or beanie or blazer, but his underwear? The hygiene police would have a riot over this. Who knows what that bloke’s done in those American Apparel underwears she’s wearing? Let’s not forget that, unless the bloke is rake thin and/or the girl’s a larger woman, they would be sagging around her girl bits looking like a diaper because she can’t fill it out properly. I don’t personally understand what is sexy about a chick wearing her boyfriend’s saggy underwear to be honest. That may just be me, but who knows.

The boys continue to sing “Your lipstick stain is a work of art”. Do I want to know where that lipstick stain is? Unless I just have a dirty mind and need my mouth to be washed out with soap, that could be very cute. A bit full on for the young teeny bopper age group, but cute nevertheless.

However, they rhyme that line with  “I got your name tattooed in an arrow heart”. Not even on my most hated enemy do I wish they get a loved one’s name tattooed on them (excluding family members and/or pets). I’m going to take a wild stab in the dark and guess that the members of the band are all under the age of 21. What would possess a 21-year-old to get a girlfriend’s name tattooed on them? What would possess anyone to get a lover’s named tattooed on them? This might sound hypocritical, but I don’t judge anyone on their life choices; if you want to cross dress and live with dolphins, be my guest. But the idea of getting a lover’s name tattoo is just tacky and it doesn’t seem to be practical because the harsh reality is there is every chance of that person packing up and walking out on you. And you have to live with that permanent reminder on you forever. So for these guys to be shouting it from the heavens to impressionable teenage girls just seems a little far fetched to me.

“If I showed up with a plane ticket and a shiny diamond ring with your name on it, would you wanna run away too?” It’s as if these guys moulded their song off Travis and Abby’s relationship from the Beautiful Disaster series. Except their story isn’t cute and full of fuzzy wuzzies; it’s just ridiculous.

I get that the song is just taking after that traditional boy band pop song mould of singing about a beautiful girl and making it annoyingly catchy, but come on – there have got to be better ways to write these songs. Because I’m still not convinced that a girl who doesn’t know she’s beautiful would flip her hair to the extent that it gets guys “overwhelmed”.

– by The Black Widow

Top 6 Customers That Every Retail Worker Hates

Posted in Lifestyle by

“You either love it, or you hate it. There’s no in between.”

This quote is very much true when it comes to working in retail: it can be the fun, exciting and dynamic experience that young, impressionable teenagers see which makes them want to work in retail, or it can be painful and God forsaken and it can turn the best of people into world-loathing cynics.

Speaking of the latter, it’s not the work that turns them into fun-suckers… it’s the customers. As someone who works in retail, I can say that there are customers who need nothing more than a good frying pan to fall out of the sky and squash them into the ground (subtle Snowboard Kids reference).

So you're one of these customers? It'd be a shame if... someone pushed you down these stairs. (SOURCE: Björn Láczay's Flickr photostream)

So you’re one of these customers? It’d be a shame if… someone pushed you down these stairs. (SOURCE: Björn Láczay’s Flickr photostream)

While it is true that there are some lovely customers that you would be happy to go out of your way to accommodate, the truth is that there are too many unpleasant customers that retail workers have to deal with on a daily basis. To give you a fair idea, here are some of the types of customers that every retail worker loathes to deal with (and provided examples):

The Ignorant Questioner
These are the ones that ask the workers questions, which they are perfectly entitled to, except they keep asking the same question over and over to the point where the worker might believe they’re talking to a malfunctioning fembot from Austin Powers. An example:

Customer: Is this garment on sale?
Worker #1: No, it’s full priced, so it’s 29.95.
Customer: Okay… (five seconds later). Excuse me, is this garment on sale?
Worker #2: No, it’s full priced.

Asking someone else isn’t going to get you the answer that you seek. I honestly don’t understand the logic behind this.

The Complainer
“But this top was on the sale rack even though there is a whole set of them placed on the other side of the store marked correctly… I demand you give it to me on sale or so help me I will complain to your manager.” If you don’t think these types of people exist… they do. They will go to extreme lengths to get what they want, even if what they want is absolutely ridiculous. The Complainer will argue with you until the cows come home and will effectively forget that people have feelings.

Customer: Oh the music is so loud and awful in here! I can’t shop in this environment!
Worker: Sorry, the volume is always like this and I can’t change it.
Customer: Well, you’ve just lost a customer!

Because I’m sure that $5 top you were considering was going to have a huge effect on the ultimate sales for the day.

The Slave Driver
On workers job descriptions, it’ll list them as “Retail manager” or “Sales assistant”. Nowhere does it say “Personal shopping basket” or “Other size fetcher”. Technically speaking, people who work in retail don’t have to offer you any kind of personal assistance at all, really; they choose to. Certain people, however, choose to take advantage of this general sweetness and put workers to slavery.

Worker: Is there anything I can help you with?
Customer: Well, I want to try these pants on. Could you be a darl and babysit my baby, watch my trolley, and stand here in case I need another size? Actually… just get me the size up, just in case. Thanks. Oh… here’s the baby.

This may come as a shock to some people, but people who work in retail are human beings as well. Human beings like to be treated as human beings sometimes. What a nifty little idea!

The Grub
So you want to try on three pairs of pants and three matching tops? Fair enough. You’re within your right. But you don’t like any of them… so what do you do? The Grub leaves their tried-on garments inside out on the floor of the change room in a pile of mess, and expect the workers to clean up after them as if they’re some incapable toddler who has gone for a run about.

Customer: Whoops… I accidentally knocked over that table display of shoes. Oh well. Better walk out now and leave it for the workers.
Worker: (chronic swearing in fifteen different languages)

If it’s that easy to take off the hanger, I’m sure it is as easy to put back on. Weird concept, right?

The Bargainer
I understand that some stores may have the privilege of altering prices to make that ultimate sale, but most don’t. So there really is no point in trying to bargain an item if the price tag is set in stone.

Worker: These ones are $49.95.
Customer: There’s a tiny, almost invisible mark on these boots. Can I get a discount on them?

No. You can’t.

The Indecisive Douchebag
This may come to a surprise to some people but putting a refund or exchange through the store’s sale system is a long process. It isn’t just a snap-of-the-fingers-and-it’s-done type thing. So when a customer buys something and then all of a sudden decides they don’t want it, no amount of apologies will make up for the half hour you just wasted of their lives.

Customer: I’ll just buy the pink scarf, thanks.
Worker: Thank you. Have a good day.
Customer: Actually, no; I want the orange one.

With exchanges, it’s also important to note that you can’t just take the new one and walk out. That is called stealing.

If there is one thing I want to leave at the end of this, it’s this: people who work in retail are human beings as well, so treat them like you want to be treated.

– by The Black Widow