Seven Swans A Swimming… in Booze

Drinking and Dessert; everyone’s two favourite things about the holiday season.

For the seventh day of Christmas, I have prepared a list of seven Christmas inspired cocktails.

This a cute serving idea for your next Christmas shindig!

This a cute serving idea for your next Christmas shindig!

Chocolate Candy Cane

1 shot Creme de Cacao
30ml light cream
1 shot peppermint schnapps

The Chocolate Candy Cane tastes exactly as you would expect it to from the name. For something special, you can also serve it over a small scoop of icecream!

Snowballs

2 shots Tequila
2 drops vanilla essence
Crushed ice
30ml skim milk
Cinnamon powder
Cinnamon stick

Pour all the ingredients – except for the cinnamon powder – into a martini shaker. Mix for ten seconds until combined. Pour into chilled glass, sprinkle cinnamon powder on top. Serve with Cinnamon Stick.

Tinsel Tinkle

1 shot Blue Curaco
1 shot Limoncello
1 shot Champagne
Lime wedge.

Combine in a chilled glass for a refreshing citrus cocktail.

Raspberry Chocolate Cheesecake

2 parts  Raspberry Vodka
1/2 part chocolate liqueur
1/2 part Irish cream

Recommended by friends of mine who have this for ‘after-dessert dessert.’

Apple Pie

1 shot vanilla vodka
1 shot apple cider
pinch ground cinnamon

Super quick and easy to make!

Christmas Cosmo

1 shot vodka
1 shot ginger beer
60ml cranberry juice
lime juice

An edgier, seasonal alternative to the classic cosmopolitan.

Under the Mistletoe

1 shot champagne
60ml blood orange juice
60ml cranberry juice
1 shot Cointreau
splash of bitters to taste.

This is tart and delicious- easily one of my personal favourite cocktails!

Drink up, my friends, just six more sleeps until Christmas!!

– by Blaire Gillies

Are you a Grinch or a Scrooge?

The number six is commonly associated with evil and malice due to its devilish nature, so it’s only fitting that the sixth day of Christmas is solely dedicated to the fun-drainers of the festive season.

The Scrooge

Bah humbug.

Bah humbug.

“The cold within him froze his old features, nipped his pointed nose, made his eyes red, his thin lips blue, and he spoke out shrewdly in his grating voice…”

Good ol’ Ebenezer Scrooge; his last name is synonymous with being bitter and full of hatred. Literally. That gives you a fair idea of just how unhappy this man was. It only took him an intense supernatural journey to turn him into… well, I won’t spoil it for you just in case, but let’s just say there is still hope for you if you are anything like this man.

Scrooge qualities:
[x] You despise Christmas carols and Christmas decorations. Fair enough, if the same song gets played in your head, you would want to cause grievous harm to a plant, but come on – it’s a happy, festive holiday season for everyone! Smile!
[x] You get annoyed at Christmas lights on houses. How someone could NOT love Christmas lights on houses is beyond me!
[x] You have no sympathy for the poor and homeless on Christmas. Aww, c’mon…
[x] You would reveal the secret of Santa to those who don’t know it. That is just cold… North Pole cold.

The Grinch

Dem eyelashes tho.

Dem eyelashes tho.

A very similar character to the Scrooge, the Grinch is a green creature (colourless in the original version) who absolutely despises Christmas and is greedy and selfish, to the point of literally stealing Christmas from other people. Seriously, who wants to steal candy from a baby?

Like the Scrooge, however, he had a different ending to how he started, but you should all know that.

Grinch qualities:
[x] You feel it necessary to steal  from someone else during the festive season. I repeat: who wants to steal candy from a baby?
[x] When a random group of people knock on your door to sing Christmas carols to you, you shut the door in their face. Shame on you.
[x] You despise people who put antlers on their car. I am of the small percentage that thinks it’s quite cute; if people want to celebrate Christmas that way, let them, no matter how tacky or deluded it may seem.
[x] You have some sort of bitter retort for those who wish you “Merry Christmas”. If you don’t celebrate Christmas, that’s totally fine, but don’t be a sourpuss about it.

Now, the Scrooge and the Grinch bot had happy endings, so if you’re like either of them, don’t worry – there is still hope for you. I just implore you to be happy and optimistic during the holiday season and embrace the joy that usually comes around this time of the year.

Alternatively, if you still behave like a Scrooge or Grinch, seek a counsellor. Get that shit fixed.

– by The Black Widow

The Black Widow’s Bite of Life

Don’t let the heading fool you – this isn’t about the actual spider black widow (or me, for that matter).  No, this is in reference to the Black Widow of the WWE, AKA AJ Lee.

AJ_Natalya_nologo_original_crop_650

Don’t get caught in the Black Widow’s web…

Many wrestling critics have praised the crazy-ass woman for resurrecting the WWE women’s division and, to an extent, I have to agree with them; AJ Lee is probably the most over Diva since, I’d say, Kelly Kelly, and both women were popular with the crowd for two very different reasons. Kelly was the beautiful girl-next-door underdog that you couldn’t help but to root for (unless you’re an IWC troll) while AJ is just great at her craft and no matter heel or face, she will always be appreciated. It doesn’t hurt that she’s so down-to-earth and lovely out-of-character.

Women’s wrestling, especially in WWE, had been in a period of stale for a while. The fans were sick of seeing Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix at every PPV and it seemed as if creative had no fresh ideas for the smart, sexy and powerful women. And then AJ was knocked out cold by the Big Show. This was, in my opinion, when the Rise of AJ begun.

AJ began to show personality and flare when tensions between her and then on-screen boyfriend Daniel Bryan began to rise. Nekk minnit, she’s steamrolled over him, CM Punk, Kane, John Cena, Dolph Ziggler, Big E Langston and is now the Divas Champion and will probably break Maryse’s previous record for longest title reign with the Divas Championship.

Throughout her course of failed relationships and bad slut puns courtesy of Jerry Lawler, AJ was pushed to the stars, and she took the ball and ran with it. She has pulled off what would be a difficult character for your every day woman to successfully capture and made it almost a second skin to herself, and she’s shown that she is a damn good wrestler at the same time, creating some solid storylines and matches with the likes of Kaitlyn and Natalya.

Oh, and do you hear the pops she gets when she simply tags into a match? Incredible.

AJ is definitely the Diva of today, but is she the “sole” reason why the Divas division of today is as great as it is?

Yes and no.

With all due respect to Miss Lee, if WWE focused all of the attention they gave to her as they did to, say, Aksana, I’d guess that even Aksana would be as over as AJ Lee is. Aksana has a great character going for her at the moment and she has shown that she has enough charisma and personality to make it on her own, but what she didn’t have to push her to that next Diva level is the amount of push and air time that AJ had. So, in a sense, the success of AJ was bound to happen.

However, the Divas of WWE have been getting a lot more attention and a lot less ignorant “piss break” comments because of the hype the name “AJ Lee” carries. She is probably one of the few women in the WWE today that have a firmly established character that isn’t “happy babyface gal” or “snobby bitch heel”. That reason alone is why Miss AJ will probably hold the record for longest reign as Divas Champion. People tune in to see AJ and, dare I say, a lot less would tune in to see the Funkadactyls.

AJ Lee is currently sitting atop the mountain that is the WWE’s womens division, yes, but with new young and upcoming Divas like Paige and Summer Rae, I’d like to see her try and keep her throne away from the claws of these hungry Divas.

If I may say; AJ, watch out for Summer Rae. She’s over as hell and she hasn’t even hit her peak in WWE yet.

– by The Black Widow

Avoiding Gold Rings at Christmas

It is impossible to deny that Christmas is the most romantic time of year. While Valentine’s Day is the day for heart shaped chocolates and long-stemmed red roses, Christmas is the time to spend with the people you love most, sharing in traditions and showering them with presents. It’s time to snuggle up with someone special and watch The Holiday, pretending just for a second that you’re actually cosied up to Jude Law instead of them.

It is not, no matter how much mistletoe you find yourself under or how many glasses of spiked eggnog you’ve had, a time to get engaged. As my brother so perfectly put it ‘A spouse is forever, not just for Christmas.’

At Christmas, little tiny boxes are only good when they contain big diamond earrings

At Christmas, little tiny boxes are only good when they contain big diamond earrings

It’s easy to get brainwashed into dropping down on one knee this time of year, as everything from your girlfriend to Jewellery stores and Christmas carols are conditioning you to believe a grand proposal was your idea.

It all starts with the ‘casual’ linger near a jewellery shop window and a nonchalant “That’s nice, isn’t it?” as she points to the vintage Cartier.  It’ll take a while for that to sink in, and before you’ve really had time to realise what it means, the lady in your life will have moved on to step two.

You’ll start to notice the jewellery catalogues ‘subtly’ left around the house, open to the pages of big, shiny diamonds. Of course, at this stage she’s still playing coy and won’t mention them, or even ask if you’ve seen them.

Next she’ll start singing Christmas carols around the house with a flirty grin on her face. You think she’s just being cute but you’re wrong. If you listen closely, she’s singing All I want for Christmas and the one line from Winter Wonderland that goes “he’ll say are you married, we’ll say no man/ but you can do the job when you’re in town.”

Then, just when you think she’s given up, BAM! she invites her best girlfriends over for pre-Christmas drinks. Directly upon arrival at your house, they will begin with the subtle-as-a-sledgehammer comments like ‘So, any special plans for Christmas?’ and when they’re slightly more drunk the classic ‘Just between you and me, what have you got *insert name here* for Christmas? Diamonds, hmmmm?’ Finally, when both the bottles of champagne are gone and they’ve cracked open the red, those three drunken women will simply start humming the wedding tune while your girlfriends pretends to admonish but is secretly reading your reaction for signs of an impending proposal.

At this point, you’re starting to think it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to drop down on one knee and surprise her at the annual family barbeque. After all, her whole family will be there and a ring is better than the melamine mixing bowls you’ve bought her for Christmas, right? WRONG.

Stay strong, my friend. Your New Year’s Resolutions were going to be to spend less money, stress less and eat healthier. You can’t do any of those things when you’re still dealing with the residual stress of spending time with your family and your new fiancé is already planning your wedding at a million miles an hour.

Pick a random Tuesday at some point in March, take her to the local pub and pop the question over a parma and beers. No muss, no fuss and hopefully no regret.

– by Blaire Gillies