Dating Nikki: First date small talk

Posted in Dating Nikki by

Now introducing a new segment for Solstice Satisfaction… Dating Nikki! No, unfortunately you won’t be able to live your long dream of dating me, but you will be getting dating advice, tips and tricks from yours truly. Ta da!

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First date small talk…
Because you can’t exactly let the other person know just how unstable you are on the first date.

First impressions are the key on first dates and you want to be able to give off the vibe that you are one sick chick/cool dude. You should know enough about your date that it won’t be a complete mystery (unless it’s a blind date, in which case… stay tuned). Of course, this is the first time you have been intimate with this person in a dating sense, so there is bound to be some tension and/or awkwardness in the air. That is where your good friend “small talk” will come in.

You’re sitting down at the table at a nice restaurant: you have already broken the ice by telling her how beautiful she looks or telling him that he looks like Vin Diesel. You’ve exchanged weather pleasantries, talked about the safe drive to the destination and have been in awe of the font that the restaurant menu has used. Now where do you go?

DO

  • Ask how your date’s day and/or week has been.
  • Ask your date a little about their lifestyle – their employment, education, hobbies, etc. Try not to say “So what are your hobbies?” because I find that is a very difficult question to answer, and I have plenty of hobbies. If you find you have something in common, cling to that topic for a bit, but don’t let it dominate your conversation; you’ll sound forced if you do.
  • Play a little game of “Three Lies and a Truth” to break the ice and let your date know just how damn extreme you are. If you’re not extreme enough for Three Lies and a Truth, then go for 20 Questions (NOTE: change the number of questions at your desire)
  • Joke around with your date to take some of the awkward tension away. By joke, I don’t mean “So, a mate and I got drunk one night in a public bathroom…” kind of joke.
  • Share an interesting story about yourself that is relevant to your date or the conversation. If your date asks you how you are and you bring up a story about how your pet rabbit died ten years ago, then, well… just no.

DON’T

  • Bring up any past dates or romances. Ever. Ever. Ever.
  • (If at a dinner) Initiate conversation while your date is clearly trying to eat. They will feel pressured to keep up a conversation when all they want to do is eat.
  • Start a question with “So…” You’ll sound bored. And ignorant.
  • Make it so obvious that you’re keeping up small talk for the sake of making small talk. Unless you’re on something, which I strongly advise against on a first date, you will hate small talk. Don’t make it obvious that you hate it.
  • (If at a movie) Talk during the movie, unless it’s COMPLETELY necessary. Example: “Excuse me, I have to use the restroom” is accepted, “You should’ve seen what happened on the train today” is not.
  • Dominate the conversation. Each dater should have an equal amount of “air time”.

Small talk is uncomfortable for every party involved, so try and make it less painful for everyone by being confident and by being yourself. A forced small talker just seems fake, and, like, they have something shoved up their yoo-hoo. That’s bad, by the way.

Want a specific topic of the wide world of dating covered? E-mail me at widowslure@gmail.com and I will get to your dating plea as soon as possible.

Happy dating everyone!

– by The Black Widow

Fear of Flying (Pteromerhanophobia)

Posted in Lifestyle by

A melody of scraping gears and spitting engines are disabling my ability to form a rational argument. A green light is glowing over my page, but I can’t look up because it shines from the seatbelt sign of doom – a sign that the plane will soon plummet to the earth with trims of fire, and nuts and bolts vital to the aircrafts structure will rain down against my window. These are the supposed last words of someone deathly afraid of airplanes.

Hang in there, buddy, you only have 22 hours to go.

Hang in there, buddy, you only have 22 hours to go.

A fear of flying (Pteromerhanophobia) is extremely common, but even so, as a fellow scaredy-cat, it seems that people still don’t fully grasp the concept. Most of us realise and acknowledge that the fear is highly irrational, so no amount of plane statistics or taunting will suddenly make us love these big metal birdies.

Many fears can be conquered with large amounts of exposure, but the average person doesn’t fly by plane as frequently as they do other modes of transport. This can lead to an acute fear of flying, and the inability to even step into an airport, which defeats the possibility of traveling to see distant family and friends or travelling for work.

What is more damaging than this, on top of the effect on your social and professional life, is developing a fear of the actual fear – basically wrapping the anxious thoughts in a scratchy blanket of super anxiety. This often happens to me, and more times than not the fear of my fear on the plane will engulf me even two days prior to my actual departure. Even a seemingly silly phobia can lead to full on anxiety, which can trigger super not fun things like depression.

So why? Why would anyone be scared by the safest way to travel? It is something a toddler can do, something millions of people do everyday – but here I am, writing to distract myself from the terror in my mind and the sweat on my palms.

It’s not as easy as pinpointing a traumatic experience and tracing your fear back to the event. This is true for some people, but truly most people are fearful because of their already established phobias. If you are afraid of any of the following things then you are highly susceptible to a fear of flying:

Heights

Small spaces

Panic attacks

Motion sickness

Turbulence

Terrorism

Not being in control

But the most common…

The plane crashing and you dying on impact

However, a lot of people, including myself, know that almost all major airlines that have crashed have had zero fatalities.

Like any other fear, this one doesn’t come with a handbook complete with quick fixes. Thankfully, because it is so common there is a bunch of information and helpful tips to help anyone overcome it. But in all my late night googling and browsing it seems that no one has said this: Everyone is different and every flight is different.

There are so many variables when flying that it is close to impossible to control every reaction you have; thoughts and feelings prior, levels of anxiety, length of the flight, portion of the flight, being accompanied – the only thing I could say that might be helpful is that it takes a lot of time and practice to get over, and sometimes you have to take it as a challenge to conquer, rather than a memory to suppress.

And now that my plane has landed and I’ve stopped crying, I have to prepare myself for the overwhelming embarassment. So for all my other scaredy-cats out there, the next time someone teases or looks down on you for this phobia, or any for that matter, just remember that absolutely everyone has an irrational fear – find their weakness and destroy them.

– by Josefina Huq

My Digital World

Posted in Lifestyle by

Journalists have been wondering whether digital publishing may take over print publishing completely. According to a survey recently conducted, they have every right to wonder.

Is it time to say buh-bye to newspapers?

Is it time to say buh-bye to newspapers?

In a survey taken by Australians aged between 18 – 30 with a balance of males and females (conducted by yours truly), more than half chose digital publications over print publications. Some of the reasons that supported this choice ranged from being easier to read than print to appearing more eco-friendly than print. The majority of those in favour of digital publishing thought that digital publications were easier to access via their smartphones or tablets and it could be done in the comfort of their own home, while print required more effort to obtain.

“I feel like in today’s modern society, it is more easy to grab a hold of a story, like if you hear something from someone, you can just Google it and it (the answer) [will] be there for you,” 18-year-old Morgan Graves-Burnnand said.

Justine Crowley, freelance media/creative consultant and book publisher, believes online publishing is popular because it is “more flexible all round.”

“Online articles and books enjoy more longevity than their print counterparts,” she said.

While she is a big advocate of digital publishing, Justine doesn’t think that it will completely take over.

“Print will still have its place, although it is clearly evident that online publishing is increasing.

“There are many people who still prefer to read a print book and/or magazine, yet more and more of the mainstream media is also dominating its publishing efforts online,” she said.

One of the main benefits of digital publishing that I have noticed with SolSat, Justine hit the nail right on its rearing head.

“Writers and editors enjoy greater flexibility in terms of working hours, and if you make a mistake – no sweat, your article can simply be fixed and re-published in nearly all cases,” she said.

Ain’t that the truth.

Thirty-five per cent of those surveyed, however, believed that they benefit more from print than digital.

“I find it easier to concentrate while reading hard copies of things,” Jason Miller, 20, said.

Scott Bailey, the editor of Rugby League Player magazine, believes when people can actually feel the publication in their hands, they can be a part of it.

“It’s hard to immerse yourself in what you’re reading [in digital]. When you’ve got a magazine in your hand, you feel involved in it and you feel a part of it,” he said.

Scott thinks that one of the reasons more young people are turning to digital publications because it is cheaper.

“When you wake up in the morning and you want to check the news, your mobile phone’s right there.

“We’ve been brought up in the computer generation and we’re used to stuff on the screen,” he said.

Scott said digital will never completely take over “because there will always be a need for print.”

– by The Black Widow

Check out Justine’s profile here. (The woman is incredible)
Check out Rugby League Player’s Facebook page here.

The Power of Music

Posted in Entertainment, Music by

Music is a powerful form of art which expresses the deepest emotions and thoughts that normal conversation wouldn’t be able to convey properly. Songs can invoke many emotions into the listener that wasn’t necessarily there before: joy, sadness, excitement, confidence.

My friend was telling me about this song he likes – Look After You by the Fray – so naturally I decided to have a gandy and see what was so great about it. Nekk minnit, drowning in my own tears. I don’t even understand what the song is about but listening to the chorus just tore me to shreds. Why? Listen to it for yourself. Maybe you’ll understand my pain.

The Fray... y u hrt mi 4?

The Fray… y u hrt mi 4?

Sometimes I can literally make myself cry just by thinking about a song that puts me into tears. A few of these songs include: Hurt by Christina Aguilera, Over You by Miranda Lambert, Man I Need by Jagwar Ma, Hurt by Johnny Cash and Secret by Seal.

On the other hand, I also use music to make me feel more confident. If you see me strutting like I’m on a catwalk with headphones dangling out of my ears, I’m most likely listening to something upbeat with lyrics talking about how damn good looking I am – or even something slow and sexy, like Get What I Want by Bitter:Sweet.

How do songs have such an influence on our emotions?

Songs can make you sad for many reasons, for example: it may remind you of someone or something, or the lyrics relate to you and it just sends you into a catatonic state. I asked a couple of my friends what songs make them sad and this is what they responded with. Get your tissues ready.

“Heaven 911 Remix – the little girl’s voice and what she says makes me think of my nonno. I cry every time I hear it.” – Bianca Mureddu

“Dance With My Father Again – Luther Vandross… ’cause it was my grandpa’s song at his funeral.” – Ashton Leota

“Evanescence – My Immortal. I honestly have no idea why it makes me sad but it does. Maybe my subconscious can relate to the lyrics?” – Jennifer Silk

“Morning Has Broken by Cat Stevens, the song that was playing as my Nanna’s coffin was wheeled in at her funeral.” – Zac Pittas

“Moments in Love by Art Noise. There’s something about this song that inspires a wide array of emotions in me. I guess it’s because it’s a song that I normally play when I’m reflecting.” – Nick Bryson

If we as humans allow music to have such power over us, surely music is more than just a bunch of people singing words to music. Right?

– by The Black Widow