Tag Archives: love

Sex Talk: Sexuality vs. Sexual Orientation

Posted in Lifestyle, Sex Talk by

Probably the tamest post you’ll find under Sex Talk.

On Widow’s Lure, we’ve covered the mechanics of a threesome, and random thoughts one might have while doing the horizontal tango.

Today, we’re going to go into something that may seem a bit more political than it does straight nasty. Hmm, maybe less political and more Merriam-Webster actually.

Commonly, when referring to a person and their ability to be attracted to a certain gender or genders, you refer to it as their sexuality. I mean, it makes sense right? Heterosexuality, pansexuality, asexuality, bisexuality… it’s in the name!

However, my understanding of the term sexuality is in one’s ability to be sexual or sexy. For example, a woman’s ability to be sexy by confidently prancing around in a bikini or sharing lingerie photos is her being comfortable in her sexuality.

To me, a person’s ability to be attracted, or not attracted, to a gender or genders is their sexual orientation.

Technically my sexual orientation would be pansexual as I am genuinely attracted to all different kinds of people; however I identify as queer because it’s an all encompassing term and tbh I can’t be bothered getting into the nitty gritty of Kinsey scale and “Okay but you like men more than you do women so can you get into further detail of your pansexuality”.

My sexuality, however, is very provocative and unapologetically feminine. I’m very comfortable in my sexuality and my ability to be sexual, whether it’s the way my hips swing when I walk, or the dramatic way I toss my hair around, or by the tight and skimpy clothing I wear on a night out. I’ve been told I walked out of the womb ready to flirt, and I think that’s just because I find it empowering and quite liberating to be sexy and sexual.

My dear friend Jackie Goldschneider Merriam-Webster defines sexuality as:

the quality or state of being sexual:
a: the condition of having sex
b: sexual activity
c: expression of sexual receptivity or interest especially when excessive

Whereas, sexual orientation is defined by Merriam-Webster as:

a person’s sexual identity or self-identification as bisexual, straight, gay, pansexual, etc. 
the state of being bisexual, straight, gay, pansexual, etc.

So many things encompass one’s sexuality, from how they present themselves and behave when attracting someone, to finding what really pleasures them sexually, to your relationships with other people.

As an Australian, I can kind of see where the confusion has come from. I come from a nation that is infamous for shortening words – you may see me walk into a room, flustered, and utter the phrase “Soz guys, the traff was ridic” – and so I think this is where the confusion really stems from.

In short, I bet someone really saw the term sexual orientation, decided that there are way too many syllables for their own personal liking, and shortened it to ‘sexuality’ because it’s easier to say but also makes sense in the context.

I think healthy and respectful discussions around sexual orientation are great, and I would love for society to get to a place where an individual’s sexual orientation isn’t a problem in any aspect of life. I dream of a time where ‘coming out of the closet’ isn’t a thing anymore; a queer teenaged boy can bring his boyfriend home to meet his parents without any drama or cause of conflict.

But I think because sexuality is often misrepresented as sexual orientation that the true definition of sexuality and discussion around sexuality are lost in translation. In turn, people are made to feel ashamed about their sexuality and their confidence within their own skin, or perhaps don’t know what to do when flirting with someone they’re interested in because they don’t understand the concept of sexuality.

Let’s open up the topic of sexuality to young people so by the time in their lives where they start to discover their identities and become comfortable with who they are, they can find comfort in being who they are and loving their skin.

– by The Black Widow

Review: Layla

Posted in Books, Entertainment by

No, we’re not reviewing former Divas Champion Layla El.

My obsession with Colleen Hoover books, despite the fact that they’re mostly unhinged and the twists are deeper than my love for Real Housewives, I was eager to pick up as many Hoover books as I could with my aforementioned Sarah gift card.

Continuing on in my quest of reading Hoover books, my adventure took me to Layla. This fictional novel tells the story of Leeds (Colleen looooves to pick unique names for her protagonists), a man who meets a deliciously eccentric woman named Layla and in true fashion, they fall in love. After a tragic accident puts Layla in the hospital, Leeds is by his woman’s side, helping her to recover. However, the scarring of the accident has changed Layla both emotionally and mentally, so Leeds goes to the troubles of trying to find the love back that he had prior to the accident.

Sorry, that isn’t the silhouette of former DIvas Champion Layla El.


Okay so, Layla wasn’t what I expected at all.

Besides reading the blurb on the back, I had no prior knowledge or expectations of the book so I went in with a fresh mind. Maybe bar the fact that because the title is just a feminine first name, I assumed it was going to be similar to Verity. Boy was I bloody wrong.

Without giving too much away, Hoover tried dabbling in the supernatural when she wrote Layla. I think she did a fair job if this was her first time in doing so, but from a personal standpoint, I prefer the realism of her thriller stories, so I wasn’t particularly the biggest fan of the supernatural touch to this book. I guess, in addition to that, it probably means I wasn’t the biggest fan of the book altogether.

Layla is written well as is to be expected by Colleen Hoover, and the characters are well fleshed out, which is to be commended. I think it’s important to mention that while I think the ‘slightly eccentric yet doesn’t know she’s beautiful’ archetype is a bit overdone and borderline unbelievable, that the character of Layla was actually very likeable. (If you’ve read this book, then take that sentence very literally.) Leeds was alright, I guess.

I also liked the isolation of the main characters at the B&B location so it meant that the storyline wasn’t too affected by the outside world, and of course, the sentimental reason behind this location to the characters was cute.

Because the big twist, and a main portion of the storyline, revolved around the supernatural, I just wasn’t as much of a fan of it as I probably could have been. When I inevitably got to the big reveal towards the end, I remember scoffing and saying “Ugh, really?”

Wid-o-meter
Storyline: 6/10
Style of writing: 8/10
Overall: 7/10

I think, if I can offer my readers any kind of advice before going into reading Layla, is to go in with low-to-no expectations, and if you’ve read Hoover’s other works, then go in knowing that what you’re about to read will be like nothing else you’ve read of hers. I think this was my downfall tbh.

Happy reading, lovebugs!

– by The Black Widow

Review: Never Never

Posted in Books, Entertainment by

Another Colleen Hoover mindfuck coming at you.

First of all, I’d like to start this review by thanking my dear friend Sarah who bought me a Dymocks gift card for my birthday. This considerate gift was emailed to me, and even though I starred the email, I swiftly forgot about it. Until the memory of having an almost expiring gift card whacked me, and in my haste to make sure I used this gift card, I bought a stack of books, including Never Never by Colleen Hoover and Tarryn Fisher.

Never Never is a romance mystery novel telling the story of Charlie Wynwood and Silas Nash who have been best friends since childhood and grew up loving each other. And then suddenly, one day, neither of them can remember anything about themselves or each other. Charlie and Silas realise they need to work together to figure out what happened to them, before it’s too late.

nevernever

Let me tell you right now that I am a major Colleen Hoover mark. In fact, I spent majority of my gift card on Colleen Hoover books, and the premise of Never Never really struck me. I like a bit of romance, I love a bit of mystery, and to combine them both? Wow. This was also my first opportunity to read some of Tarryn Fisher’s work, and I am always a fan of authors collaborating on work.

Never Never was definitely a page turner. The mystery of why the main characters suddenly just lost their memory was so captivating, and then going on the journey with them to not only figure out what happened to them, but also try and piece together their own lives was very interesting. I don’t think I’ve ever seen or heard of this concept being done before in both book and cinema, so I was definitely intrigued to the point that I stayed up til 1 or 2 in the morning to finish this book across two nights.

When I eventually read on and found out the reason why they had lost their memories, I was incredibly… underwhelmed. I won’t spoil it for anyone who wants to read it, but in my mind, I had built it up to be something big or shocking, and to me, it was neither big nor shocking.

A big thing for me, which I’m sure I’ve highlighted in other book reviews, is that I tend to find the female protagonist of romance novels annoying. I don’t know if it’s because authors are unintentionally perpetuating negative female stereotypes, but romance novel females are always whiney, insufferable and unaware of others around them. Colleen Hoover does a great job of making her heroines feel real, and have a likeable quality about them.

Charlie was very much a likeable book heroine. Her character was written to be layered and quite complex, which was a stark contrast to the Charlie pre-forgetting which seemed to be a bit one-dimensional. Her male counterpart Silas (Colleen really likes her pepelo male character names) also served his role well as the book hero, written to be charming, caring and handsome, but not unrealistically so, and was the optimistic golden retriever compared to Charlie’s pessimistic black cat.

The style of writing flowed very well between both authors, to the point where I had forgotten that one author had penned Charlie while the other had penned Silas. I believe Tarryn was Charlie, and Colleen was Silas, but I could be wrong. The language used from both authors evoked vivid imagery, and real emotions and feelings where you really connected to both Charlie and Silas.

Wid-o-meter
Storyline: 7/10
Style of writing: 8/10
Overall: 7.5/10

All in all, the book was great, and I would recommend it to others, especially if you’re into an interesting conglomeration of romance and mystery. I wouldn’t say it’s my favourite work of Colleen Hoover, but that isn’t really saying much seeing as Colleen is always hitting 10’s with her stories.

– by The Black Widow

Dating Nikki: Red Flags and Bad Dates

Posted in Dating Nikki, Lifestyle by

They both come hand-in-hand really.

We’ve all heard the term ‘red flag’, and we all have our own individual red flags that we see in other people. For example, one of my biggest red flags is someone who is rude or dismissive to someone who works in hospitality or retail, whereas someone else might not view that as a red flag. I don’t know why you wouldn’t but okay.

As you navigate the dating world in your own time, I’m sure you have come across someone that displays one (or more) of your own red flags, and you’re not quite sure how to deal with it.



Let’s set the scene: you’re talking to someone on a dating app and from your online conversations, you seem to really like the person and vibe with their energy. So you agree to meet them in person at a bar or at a cafe.

You show up to the venue and you see them. The physical attraction was there over the app, but now it’s going through the roof. You can’t believe you’ve scored the jackpot with this person. You greet them and sit down from them, ready to begin your date.

And then the red flags start showing. They chew with their mouth open. They burp in public and laugh about it. They pronounce the word ‘appreciate’ like uh-pree-see-ate. Suddenly the physical attraction you saw in them starts dwindling and dwindling, to the point that you cannot wait to get away from them.

If you don’t think this situation is possible, I can attest to you that it most definitely is, because I have been a prime example of this.

For the sake of this story, let’s say his name is Baden. I had messaged Baden for a week on a dating app and he seemed lovely. He had asked me if I was interested in meeting up over coffee, and I was receptive to the idea. I went to meet him and he 1) looked like his pictures, tick, 2) greeted me politely in a friendly manner, tick and 3) seemed to vibe well with me, tick.

And then as the waiter came to clear our table, he started obnoxiously barking orders at them. Giant red flag for me. I shrugged off the first interaction as ‘maybe a once off’, but he did it again, and again. At this point, I had so many red flags waving at me that I decided I did not want to see this man ever again and I wanted this date to end as quickly as possible.

I think it’s totally within your right to stop a date whenever you’re feeling uncomfortable, regardless of your reasons, and if your red flags are the reason you wish to terminate the date, then my advice to you is to go ahead and do it but try to do it as respectfully as possible. Honest and open communication is always better than ‘playing the game’ and ghosting the other individual because you’re too scared to have that confrontation. I would heavily prefer someone tell me directly that they no longer wish to pursue anything with me, than ghost me and leave it up to me and my mind to figure out what happened.

Honestly, just cut your losses. If this person exhibited some red flags, it means they’re not right for you, and as they say… there are plenty of fish in the sea. Or whatever.

And if you’re wondering how my date ended, let’s just say I took a page out of Andie Anderson’s book and sabotaged the date on purpose so I never had to see him again. I was young, alright? I would’ve done a whole lot better if I had this advice back then!

Watch out for red flags, and happy dating y’all!

– by The Black Widow

If you have a question or need some good ol’ fashioned blunt advice from #DatingNikki, use the Contact page on our website and put in your comment “Subject: Dating Nikki”, or alternatively send me an e-mail at widowslure@gmail.com and put “Dating Nikki” in the subject line. I will respond to your cries for help as soon as possible!