Tag Archives: love

Dating Nikki: Online dating profiles

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We live in the era of technology and with the introduction of more and more technological upgrades, it has become more common and less socially weird to venture into the world of online dating. Websites like Zoosk, RSVP and Match are being frequented more often and apps like Tinder, Blendr and Grindr are popping up left, right and centre. Finding a date for the night is as easy as a few taps on your smartphone.

To this day, I still don't know what Zoosk means.

To this day, I still don’t know what Zoosk means.

I applaud the change in culture which has made online dating more socially acceptable than it was, say, ten years ago, because not everyone is fortunate to meet their significant others in a nightclub or at a friend’s party. What was only “okay” for the middle aged to do is now a common thing for the young adult to do on their apps. All you have to do is make a profile, put in a few details and you’re off!

However, people still aren’t grasping what is right to put in an online dating profile and what is wrong to put in. This is where Dating Noah is here to help you with. I have browsed a few dating sites and profiles and can pinpoint several things that I like in a profile and several things that I don’t like in a dating profile.

What to put in your dating profile
(+) Correct grammar and spelling. I can’t stress this enough. I am more likely to wink at a moderate-looking person with correct grammar and spelling than a solid 10 whose profile consists of “jst on hea 2 luk 4 ma 1 n only”. I hope you’re shivering reading that because I sure am.
(+) State what you’re looking for in an ideal partner but don’t be too specific about it. It may seem like you’re being a picky bitch but really, you are just saying what you want. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that – unless you’re saying “she has to have long blonde hair and legs for days.” Being too specific is being a picky bitch.
(+) Put a few of your goals and aspirations in your profile. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t reached these yet, or you’re still studying at uni, a person with goals is far more attractive than “I live at the gym to get in shape for music festivals.”
(+) Clearly define what you’re looking for in a date, whether that’s someone for a few casual dates, a long term relationship or just someone to fornicate with. I can’t imagine anything being more awkward than going on a date with someone who is expecting some action later in the night while you are praying for Mr./Mrs. Right.
(+) A nice, confident picture. I don’t mean touched up with photoshop taken by a professional photographer, I just mean a picture of you in your element with a nice smile on your face. Other people will find that really attractive, regardless of whether you look like John Gavin or not. Guys: don’t upload shirtless pictures. Please. Girls: keep your breasts neatly tucked in. Try to avoid awkward cropping also.
(+) Speaking of pictures, put a damn picture of your face up. A picture of your mildly impressive torso or your dog or your car is ridiculous.

What NOT to put in you dating profile
(-) While everyone is entitled to a preference of partner, don’t put it bluntly in your profile. Don’t know what I mean? Here’s an example: “No spice, no rice please.” Not only is that racist, it also shows what kind of person you are – ignorant. If someone that you aren’t attracted to approaches you, a polite “No thank you, I’m not interested, but I wish you well in your dating endeavours” would suffice.
(-) A novella about what kind of person you are and what kind of person you are looking for. E-daters generally don’t have the patience to read about how you lost your dog when you were 7 or about the time where you nearly became a firefighter but then didn’t due to injury. Keep your profile short and to the point.
(-) Dating/sex history. Your personal body count should really be kept to yourself, regardless of gender. Putting it all out there for everyone to see is, how do you say, disgusting.
(-) A picture of you with several other friends in the same image. It will confuse others and it may be awkward if someone approaches you saying “Hey sexy, are you that handsome bloke with the brown hair?” and you’re actually the blond guy on the side who looks nothing like the handsome bloke with the brown hair.

Remember, current or aspiring e-daters: be honest. If someone wants to try and shit on you for being honest with yourself and what you’re looking for, they’re just jealous. Oh, and be polite. A knock on someone else may damage them more than you think. Happy (and safe) online dating everyone!

– by The Black Widow

Dating Nikki: The Break Up

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So you’re growing tired of your significant other for whatever reason – they smell and you can’t put up with it anymore, they’re a starfish in bed – and you have ultimately decided, after much thought, that you want to end the relationship. You want it to be as smooth and un-patchy as possible but, of course, something as harsh and hard-hitting as a break up isn’t going to be easy sailing.

Unless you’re dating someone with an irregular heartbeat who can keep calm in any situation, the break up is always going to be difficult.

Well well, look who’s here to help you out.

If only break ups were this easy... and pink.

If only break ups were this easy… and pink.

You want to be as honest as possible without being “too” honest. For example, if you are breaking up due to creative differences, you can’t just say “I want to break up because what you think is shit and wrong and I’m right”, as easy as that would be; you have to put it lightly. In saying that, you can’t lie either. The whole “it’s not you, it’s me” line is such a cop out that I’m sure an innocent baby cries every time this disgusting line is muttered.

Here are a few tips in case you need a little guidance to kick that guy/gal to the kerb… in a nice way:

[x] Plan what you’re going to say so you have a general guide as to how you’re going to do it. Don’t rehearse it so much that you say it word for word; the other person will pick up on the “rehearsal” and will assume you have been planning it for ages.
[x] Try not to be in a public place with a lot of people around. In case shit hits the ceiling, you don’t want poor innocent bystanders watching you with their best sympathetic glances as your now-ex hurls every four-letter-word at you underneath God’s blue sky.
[x] Make sure your mind is made up. If you start to second-guess yourself, it will only further enrage the other party.
[x] Be polite and calm in your delivery. The tone of your voice and how your speech is carried will have a huge impact on the reaction from the other person, so if you’re calm and polite, chances are that they will take it easier.
[x] Choose your words carefully. “You have no goals and are lazy as feck” is better expressed by saying “I feel as if we are looking for different things in life.” See what I did there? Genius.
[x] Don’t point out any faults in the other person or yourself. You shouldn’t have to end a relationship feeling crappy about yourself.
[x] If it’s not meant to be, it just isn’t meant to be. Don’t try and prolong it just because you think it’s going to work.
[x] OPTIONAL: do the break-up over ice-cream. Who am I kidding? This isn’t optional. Do it over ice-cream.

Another important rule that I really shouldn’t have to paint out (because it’s bleedingly obvious) yet a lot of people seem to do it: don’t go straight into another relationship or hook up with someone straight after. It’s inconsiderate and rude and people who do this are usually labelled a slapper; nobody wants to be labelled a slapper. “Jumping from one car to another” is just wrong.

And if you need any suggestions for types of ice-cream to break up over, may I suggest a hot fudge sundae with coffee ice-cream, whipped cream and nuts from Ben and Jerry’s? It works wonders.

– by The Black Widow

Merry Christmas!

Posted in Lifestyle by

ONE MORE SLEEP UNTIL CHRISTMAS!!

The swaggiest dog in Aus also wishes you a Merry Christmas!

The swaggiest dog in the world also wishes you a Merry Christmas!

The twelve magic days of Christmas are coming to a close. As I write this, Carols by Candlelight is playing on the TV and I’m onto my sixth piece of shortbread of the day. I’m hiding from my extended family in the front room of our house because I can’t handle having all twelve of us in the same room at the same time (even though I’ve downed a few Gin Lime twists and I’m breathing like a zen master).

For those of you who enjoy spending time with your families (that are no doubt a million times more normal than mine), I hope you make the most of this magical time together. To those of you whose families are out of town or overseas, I offer you this cliché; Home is where the heart is. And I mean this in two ways. Firstly, your family knows you love them and they know you’re thinking of them. You are no doubt with them in spirit this festive season. Secondly, your home can be with be with the friends and family you have chosen to be with this Christmas.

Now, it may be the last day of Christmas (for SolSat at least, tomorrow is technically the real last day), but I hope you all remember to keep the spirit of Christmas in your hearts throughout 2014. Being kind, generous and caring towards one another is so important and yet we so often let our busy lives and our own irritations get in the way of that. I know I’m guilty of that myself, but I have my fingers crossed that together, we the amazing readers and writers of Solstice Satisfaction can make the world just a little bit cheerier in the future!

With that said, for the twelfth day of Christmas I simply want to wish each and every one of you a very merry Christmas and a safe and happy new year. I’m taking a break from the blogosphere to enjoy this time with my family and allow my hands time to relax after typing like a mad-man for twelve days straight.

Thank you for your ongoing support and encouragement these last few months.

All my love to you and your families this Christmas,

Blaire xx

– by Blaire Gillies

Pamper Your Pets this Christmas

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Dogs are a man’s best friend and a woman’s truest love. They share the bed at night, get unconditional love and kisses and are –ironically – never put in the doghouse when they make mistakes or forget to bring in the washing.

We don't mean this pampered...

We don’t mean this pampered…

With that in mind, it is surprising, and a little disappointing, that most pets don’t get a visit from Santa each year.

The owner is always a pet’s priority. All they want to do is make the people around them happy but we’re often so caught up in our own hectic life to really give them the same devotion in return.

I propose that this Christmas, everyone gets their pets (or your parents’/friends pets if you don’t have one) a gift. And I don’t mean one measly pigs ear or a single packet of Shmackos. I’m talking a hamper full of little treats to remind them that, no matter how busy you get, they’re always on your mind.

My suggestions for Pooch Pampering Hampers:

A New Bed – Your dog would love a fancy new bed just as much as you would. Something soft and warm to snuggle into at night would make them very happy.

Dental Chews – This little stocking-filler is both delicious and good for your dog’s health.

Bone – head to your local butcher and buy your dog a bone. They love to gnaw on bones and the marrow is an excellent treat. Not ideal for inside dogs though!

Natural Smoked Pigs Ears – As they are not for every day consumption, pigs ears make a really nice treat for your dog every now and then.

Squeaky Toys – Despite the noise being seriously irritating, your dog will love them. Just remind yourself of how happy they are every time you feel like throwing the rubber chicken out the window!

Another Dog – If you’ve got the space and the love, a companion for your Pooch is a wonderful idea. Giving them another dog to play with while you’re out means they won’t get lonely and they’ll always have someone to play with!

And while I’m not a cat person, I understand that some of you have an inexplicable adoration of the things, so here is a is a list of what you get your feline friends:

A crown – All cats seem to think they are rulers of all that they see. A crown will just act as a reminder to you and your family that you in fact belong to them, and you’d better not forget it.

A Robe – Because royalty looks stupid in a crown and no clothes.

Catnip – as well as being royalty, your Cat is also likely to be involved in a stealth Mafia operation. Drugs are like currency to these people.

A new brush – Royals like to be pampered by their slaves. Yes…that means you

So while you’re out doing your last minute Christmas shopping your family, don’t forget to consider the animal members of the clan as well!

– by Blaire Gillies