Tag Archives: WWE

My Wrestlemania 30, according to TEW 2013

Posted in Entertainment, Sports, Video Games by

I have enough time to pretend to run a wrestling company and run this site. I must be Superman.

TEW 2013, or Total Extreme Wrestling 2013 for those of you who aren’t in the know, is a wrestling simulator where the player can choose to book or totally own his/her own wrestling company. At first, with the default database, players can choose from fictitious wrestling companies with cartoonified wrestling personalities.

If you download the right database, of course, then you can run (or pretend to run) real life companies such as WWE and TNA. Me? I’ve been a WWE guy all my life.

How would Wrestlemania 30 have turned out if main evented by Daniel Bryan and CM Punk? (SOURCE: Miguel Discart's Flickr photostream)

How would Wrestlemania 30 have turned out if main evented by Daniel Bryan and CM Punk? (SOURCE: Miguel Discart’s Flickr photostream)

We all know what happened at the REAL Wrestlemania 30 – Daniel Bryan beating Triple H and then going on to beat Randy Orton and Batista to become the underdog World Heavyweight Champ – but that wasn’t my Wrestlemania 30. In fact, while it had its similarities, it was far from my Wrestlemania 30.

Now, as a way to fill space on my website, I present to you… Noah’s Wrestlemania 30!

Wrestlemania 30 Match card (in order of appearance):
Pre-show
Eddie Edwards wins a 30-man over-the-top-rope battle royal in his debut match
The Bella Twins (Brie and Nikki) (c) defeated Aksana and Tamina to retain the WWE Divas Tag Team Championships
Davey Richards (w/ Satisfaction) defeated Alberto Del Rio and Mike Bennett (w/ Eva Marie) in a triple-threat match
Kaitlyn won a Divas Battle Royal

Main card
Match #1
Randy Orton w/ Stacy Keibler vs. Christian
Ever since costing him a World title opportunity, Christian has had it in for Randy Orton. The two men had embroiled in several unsanctioned brawls and beatdowns and they were finally given the chance to settle their differences at Wrestlemania.
Winner: Randy Orton

Match #2
The Kings of Wrestling (Antonio Cesaro and Kassius Ohno) (c) vs. The Shield (Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins) vs. Brute Force (Jon Cutler and Mason Ryan) w/ Satisfaction vs. The Briscoes (Jay and Mark Briscoe) w/ Audrey Marie for the WWE Tag Team Championships
The Kings of Wrestling were praised when they defeated Ryback and manager Satisfaction for the WWE Tag Team Championships. Unhappy with this, Satisfaction set Brute Force after them. Meanwhile, the Briscoes and the Shield had gotten into their own rivalry and it was decided that all four teams would battle it out for the gold.
Winner: The Kings of Wrestling

Match #3
Dolph Ziggler vs. Cody Rhodes w/ Charlotte
Dolph Ziggler showed why he is dubbed “Mr Steal Your Girl” after pursuing Cody Rhodes’ girlfriend, Charlotte Flair. Rhodes didn’t take too kindly to this and began physically tormenting Ziggler. The two men were given the opportunity to duke it out at Wrestlemania with the devious Charlotte at ringside.
Winner: Dolph Ziggler

Match #4
Kelly Kelly (c) vs. AJ Lee vs. Natalya w/ Blade Hart vs. Angelina Love for the WWE Divas Championship
Kelly Kelly had been a fighting champion ever since winning the Divas title back at the Royal Rumble. Kelly made a tag team pact with Angelina to fight off AJ Lee and Natalya at Elimination Chamber, but soon it was every woman for herself. Alliances were broken and every Diva knew that their could only be ONE Divas Champion.
Winner: AJ Lee (NEW Divas Champion)

Match #5
The Undertaker vs. The Big Show vs. The Miz
The Big Show and the Miz had been arguing over who was going to get the shot at Undertaker’s Wrestlemania streak, feuding all the way from late December to early April. An executive decision was made that both men would get their shot Undertaker in a triple threat match.
Winner: The Undertaker

Match #6
Roman Reigns (c) vs. Novakaine w/ Satisfaction for the WWE United States Championship
Roman Reigns made a big name for himself after breaking away from the Shield, his biggest victory coming when he defeated the seemingly unstoppable Novakaine for the US title. It wasn’t long before Satisfaction had sicked Novakaine on his rival, telling his client to win the United States gold back at any cost.
Winner: Roman Reigns

Match #7
Kofi Kingston (c) vs. Sheamus vs. Adrian Neville vs. Wade Barrett vs. Ted DiBiase vs. Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Colter in a six-pack challenge for the WWE Intercontinental Championship
Kofi Kingston, Adrian Neville, Wade Barrett and Ted DiBiase had been quarreling over the Intercontinental Championship for quite some time, while Sheamus and Jack Swagger attempted to settle their own differences as well. It was decided that Sheamus and Swagger would join the fight for the gold in a six-pack challenge where the winner takes all.
Winner: Jack Swagger (NEW Intercontinental Champion)

Match #8
The Rock vs. Ryback w/ Satisfaction in a Last Man Standing Match
Ryback and his handler, Satisfaction, had been a thorn in the Rock’s side in the past few months. After suffering a loss against Ryback at Wrestlemania 29 in a triple threat also featuring John Cena, the Rock was looking for revenge, especially after the hellish torment at the hands of Satisfaction.
Winner: The Rock

Match #9
John Cena (c) vs. Batista vs. Brock Lesnar for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
John Cena had been a fighting champion ever since beating the conniving Chris Jericho. After a brutal attack at the hands of Brock Lesnar, it seemed as if Cena had met his match… until Batista inserted himself into the picture. It was decided by the power that be that Cena would defend his title against both men in a triple threat.
Winner: John Cena

Match #10
Eva Marie vs. Lacey Von Erich in a Playboy Pillowfight match
It was only a matter of time for “Red Hot” Eva Marie to land the cover of Playboy. It wasn’t until she began rubbing it in everyone’s faces that Lacey Von Erich took exception to it. The two beautiful Divas had been clawing at each other ever since – even involving Eva’s boyfriend Mike Bennett and Lacey’s cousins Ross and Marshall – and were set to fight it out at Wrestlemania.
Winner: Eva Marie

Match #11
CM Punk (c) vs. Daniel Bryan for the WWE Championship
It was a true underdog Cinderella story for Daniel Bryan. After winning a 40-man Royal Rumble, Bryan kept his decision to himself as he fended off then-rival Cody Rhodes. After stating that he would chase Punk’s WWE Championship, the two ring technicians would collide at the main event of Wrestlemania.
Winner: Daniel Bryan (NEW WWE Champion)

Mine’s A LOT better than the real one, isn’t it?

– by The Black Widow

The Intentional Loss of IQ Points

Posted in Lifestyle by

This may just be me, but I’m sure more people out there do this.

Do you really Eva? DO YOU REALLY? (SOURCE: E! Online website)

Do you really Eva? DO YOU REALLY? (SOURCE: E! Online website)

For the purpose of this article, I will be using a fictional girl named Samantha. Now, the heroine of our story is studying a degree in psychology at a well renowned university in Sydney. She is getting good grades in all of her units and has an above average IQ. Samantha is also a very physically attractive girl who would rather bury her nose in books than take shots on a Saturday night. She also works part time in a fashion boutique.

Enter James, the strapping young Dave Franco look-a-like who walks into Samantha’s place of employment looking for a nice button-up shirt to wear to a dinner.

“Hi,” he says with a bright perfectly toothed smile, “do you have any nice shirts I could wear tonight? I’m going to a formal dinner and need to look somewhat presentable.”

Samantha, who usually doesn’t let anyone else jeopardise her intelligence, begins giggling and twirling the ends of her hair – a very uncharacteristic trait for Samantha – and motions him towards a fine range of silky cotton shirts she has.

“These are great,” exclaims James, “I think I might grab two. How much would that be?”

Knowing quite well that two shirts would equal to $100, Samantha continues to giggle and places her hands on her hips.

“Oh my god,” she says delightfully, “I can’t add that in my head. I totes haven’t done math since like high school.”

James, completely oblivious to Samantha’s flirting, grabs two shirts and enters the dressing room to try them on.

“Tell me how you go in there, babe,” Samantha says, a word that doesn’t exist in Samantha’s vocabulary.

What is it about being in the presence of attractive or inspiring people that automatically renders someone slightly less intelligent than usual? I know I suffer from this and most of the time, I’m not even doing it on purpose.

I recall a time that only happened recently where I was talking to someone, trying to look calm and cultured, and while this conversation was happening, I was urging myself not to touch my hair (a body language gesture that is usually associated with someone who’s absent-minded and vacuous) even though I don’t even have hair to play with.

I don’t even want to delve into how many times I’ve awkwardly giggled at someone even if what they had said or done wasn’t even the slightest but funny.

Samantha’s situation could be the same from a guy’s perspective when they do “rebellious” things that are not of their nature.

Why does this happen though? Why do people feel as if they need to dumb themselves down to impress someone when an intellectual conversation on worldly matters is more than or equally attractive to a pair of half-exposed breasts or some cheese grater abs.

I personally think that celebrity culture – movies, books, TV shows, etc. – have made it seem like playing dumb for a guy or a girl will make you seem more attractive to them. While it may work for some people, it is not always the case. I’m in the mindset that “being who you truly are” is the most attractive thing a person can be because you can tell that they are comfortable in their own skin.

Sure, there are times when playing dumb will work to your advantage – getting out of a fine anyone? – but truth be known that intelligence is sexy. Lord knows I find someone more interesting if they have a wide range of interests as opposed to someone who likes “working out at the gym 24/7”.

I cannot drill this in enough; be who you truly are and the type of person that you want to attract will come barging your door down.

And please, cut the “I can’t even” talk down. So cringeworthy.

– by The Black Widow

The Beautiful People: Jon Cutler

Posted in People by

Solstice Satisfaction had the privilege of interviewing this gentleman a few years back when SolSat didn’t really exist. But hey, as long as it’s our content, I can re-publish it. This man is Jon Cutler – professional wrestler, fitness model, fitspiration and all-around beautiful Canadan gentleman.

Introducing “The Beautiful People” section to the site, we highlight some names that you may know or may not know and talk everything with them, from their inspirations in life to what they had for breakfast that day. It is a wonderful privilege to introduce Jon Cutler as our first beautiful person, interviewed by our sassy editor, Noah.

We'll give you a second to pick your jaws up off the floor.

We’ll give you a second to pick your jaws up off the floor.

Jon Cutler
QUICK FACTS
– From Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada – THAT’S IT! BACK TO WINNIPEG!
– He’s a Cancerean. The line starts over here, ladies.
– 6’3, 245 lbs of beautiful blonde Canadian man.
– Former professional wrestler who performed for WWE and FCW.

DISCLAIMER: This interview of sorts was conducted via Twitter messaging – the answers solely belong to Jon Cutler.

SolSat: Beware: this is going to be as formal as a red g-string at a White Party.

Jon Cutler: Well… I guess we’ll just see what the questions are lol.

SS: Oh, don’t worry, they won’t be stupid but if you do for some reason feel uncomfortable answering any, feel free to tell me to f#$% off.

JC: I won’t say f#$% off, may just say next lol.

SS: Okay. Standard question: which one of the six Avengers (from the movie) would you like to be and why?

JC: I guess as cool as Iron Man is, I probably lean towards Hulk still. As a kid, that’s the main one out of the Avengers I can remember always reading comics on or watching cartoons, movies, etc. The strength, intelligence when Bruce Banner, the green tan… who wouldn’t wanna be green? It’s too bad He-Man was never picked up by Stan Lee… now that was a character I enjoyed watching as a kid.

SS: Really? Hulk? But he’s so… out of control.

JC: Yeah true he is, but I guess sometimes I can really relate to that, you know when frustrations are all building up inside.

SS: Next question: Being a Cancerean, does that mean you’re a hopeless romantic? You will note these questions are extremely random.

JC: Is that what it means to be a Cancer? Well I understand myself even more now lol. I guess I have not been much of a wanderer. I want to take care of someone and be taken care of too, I suppose. It isn’t always the easiest road to take… it takes a lot of trust.

SS: I take my astrology very seriously so I could tell you several things about yourself you wouldn’t even know.

JC: You probably could I bet.

SS: Next question: Biggest celebrity crush? Besides me, of course.

JC: Besides you… and Ellen of course, just kidding. Come on… biggest as in 1? The best I can do is narrow it down to 4. Best I can do.

SS: Fine. Top 4. You’re no fun.

JC: Jennifer Aniston, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Alba and Jennifer Love Hewitt… I always remember liking those celebs. How can I possibly narrow that list down? I tried, haha.

SS: HOW STUNNING IS KATE BECKINSALE! It’s almost to the point that it’s unfair. Moving on. Do you think you have one more match left in you, more specifically, in Australia with me as your babe of a manager?

JC: Too funny. Well I do not know but I have learned that in wrestling, never say never. Anyway, got some friends down under to visit if I made it to Australia, Niki Nitro and Tenille Tayla.

SS: Ooohh I love Tenille Tayla [WWE’s Emma]! She’s amaze.

JC: She is, real sweety too. Niki is pretty cool too.

SS: Moving on, what are your thoughts on One Direction?

JC: Ok, so for One Direction… that What Makes You Beautiful song is pretty catchy, I will admit that.

SS: Jonny you light up my world like nobody else, the way that you take a bump gets me overwhelmed. Talented right?

JC: Lol, nice… I see what you did there.

SS: Is that all you’re going to admit about them? I bet deep down underneath that 300 lbs of muscle, you’re a diehard Directioner like me.

JC: Lol well that’s all I admit for now lol

SS: Anywho, moving on, being a (WWE) Diva fan myself, I must ask – who are your all-time favourite female wrestling personalities?

JC: Well from different eras and in that order too… I would say Mae Young, Miss Elizabeth, Sherri, Sunny and Trish Stratus. From Mae Young era… hard to remember ones from there though, I was a huge Hulkamaniac at that time around Wrestlemania 1 or 2.

SS: Sunny is one of my all time faves. Who would you cite as your main inspiration into becoming a professional wrestler? And you can’t say me.

JC: Ok other than you, early on as far back as I can remember it was Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart, Ricky Steamboat and Piper… as I got older, it was Rock and Jericho. I can remember watching Dusty Rhodes too and his promos, between him and Piper, I guess I really enjoyed their promos.

SS: Apparently you got good feedback from Jericho on your match with the Burchills. That’s like Candice Swanepoel saying I’m pretty. Well, thank you for joining me. Here’s to a great future! Thanks Jon.

He is as down-to-earth and charming as he is handsome. If you’d like to know more about Jon or follow his daily shenanigans, you can find him on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube or visit his website.

– by The Black Widow

AJ Lee vs. the World

Posted in Sports by

Inspired by a recent comment made by the longest reigning Divas Champion AJ Lee, I decided to take a look at the potential rivalries that AJ could be a part of that could be huge. Like, Trish vs. Lita huge. Hopefully.

Whether you like her or not, AJ Lee’s presence in the WWE Divas division today has been a breath of fresh air (click here for extra reference). It’s been a while since a character like hers has been seen in WWE’s women’s division, and her success has been shown in her lengthy tenure as Divas Champion. So far, no one has been able to dethrone the Divas Champ, but here’s me thinking that she hasn’t quite gone through all the Divas yet…

She knows they're after her... look at that fear in her eyes. (SOURCE: Sean Kimmel's Flickr photostream)

She knows they’re after her… look at that fear in her eyes. (SOURCE: Sean Kimmel’s Flickr photostream)

Idea #1: vs. Paige
Also known as the IWC’s women’s wrestling wet dream, every wrestling fan is waiting for NXT Women’s Champion Paige to be called up to put CrayJ in her place. Besides Natalya who’s already had several shots for AJ’s title, the only other woman signed by WWE currently who could put on a wrestling clinic as well as AJ is Paige (as well as Emma, but more about that later). Paige was born and raised in the wrestling business and, if not made apparent by her flawless Scorpion Cross Lock, is a wrestling sensation. Her intensity is shown both in the ring and on the mic and while some claim her to be “stale” as a person, I disagree; she’s one of my favourite talents in WWE and I’m usually the type to like the Summer Rae’s in wrestling. Paige could make her main roster debut as the Anti-Diva who will finally put AJ in her place by capturing the Divas title.

Idea #2: vs. Summer Rae
Yes, AJ Lee has run through every Total Diva… except Summer Rae. Okay, so technically she hasn’t beaten Eva Marie or Jojo in a one-on-one environment, but I don’t think the E are too confident in putting either one in a singles match. Regardless, Summer Rae’s recent inclusion to the hit reality series has no doubt put her on AJ’s radar. Even if both of them are heel at the moment, a smart baby face turn for AJ (since she’s cheered out of the building all the time anyway) could work well against super heel Summer, who plays her bitchy role on NXT to perfection. Face AJ vs. Heel Summer could be taken in a Kelly vs. Beth kind of way, except the serious wrestler would be face and the model would be heel. If any of the “newbie” Divas have shown that they can work in the ring, it’s Summer bloody Rae. The thought of this rivalry is just… fantastic.

Idea #3: vs. Emma
Now, if AJ were to stay heel, then why not go against the new main roster babyface in Emma? AJ has steamrolled through most if not all of the face Divas on the main roster except for Emma. Emma’s infectious personality and character could definitely get the fans behind her, and AJ’s crazy prima donna personality would clash against Emma’s bubbly Strayan character. Like I said before with Paige, Emma is one of the Divas who could put on a clinic with the likes of Resthold Lee. Her wrestling move set is phenomenal and clearly inspired by the handsome Lance Storm. If you ignore all her Emma dance gestures in between her moves, she’s a solid wrestler. Put her and AJ Lee in a singles match together, and the greatness that was Paige vs. Emma at NXT aRrival or however you spell it could be re-created on the main stage.

Idea #4: vs. Tamina
The storyline that they’ve been teasing for the past few weeks and keep dropping because all of a sudden they’re friends again, Tamina turning on AJ Lee is inevitable; the deciding factor on how well it’s received, however, depends on how the ‘E make it. As much as I love Tamina as a person, character and wrestler, I don’t see wrestling fans getting behind her if she was to become the babyface of the tandem, so like #2, AJ Lee would have to turn babyface for this idea to work well. Tamina could get sick of all the crap she’s had to deal with regarding AJ and could brutally attack her, thus creating sympathy for AJ and effectively making her the face. Tamina has shown that she can put on a good match and with AJ Lee guiding her, the storyline and result of this could be fantastic.

Well, there are my predictions for your crazy-ass Divas Champion. If someone could do me a solid and message WWE Creative and be like “You should check out SolSat’s latest post. LOL.”, that would be great.

– by The Black Widow