Category Archives: Dating Nikki

Dating Nikki: Second dates (and their myths!)

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Congratulations! You’ve made it past the first date – now what?

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The all-important second date has its hype for a reason – it’s commonly seen as the make or break for a potential relationship. Sure, your first date went fine enough that you’ve decided to see each other again, but that is based purely off first impressions and “clicking”. The second date, however, will take you more in-depth with your date (no sexual pun intended) so it’s on this date that you will regularly find something you really like or dislike about your date.

However, there are a few second date myths that I would like to personally squash right now.

Second Date Myth #1: It’s okay for me to put out now since it’s not the first date.
WRONG! Don’t let someone else’s anti-first-date-sex opinion affect your decision as to whether or not you go all the way on the second date. If you want to do it on the first date, why not? Nothing wrong with that, just like there’s nothing wrong with having sex on the third date or the seventh date or the night of your wedding. On the other end of the spectrum, don’t go into your second date thinking “I’m definitely getting some tonight.” Don’t be a pig. Oink oink.

Second Date Myth #2: I don’t have to get too dressed up because we’ve past the first date.
Unless your second date with this person is ten years in the future where you have become so accustomed with each other, this is wrong. It’s your second date, not your tenth. Don’t get too comfortable. I’m not saying dip your face in some cake to look good, but don’t get too comfortable with your date to the point of rocking up to his/her house looking like the troll from under the bridge. Just sayin’.

Second Date Myth #3: We did all the talking in the first date so I don’t have to try as hard to get to know him/her.
Again, second date, not your tenth. I’m pretty sure your date didn’t tell you every detail of their life so you don’t know them as well as you think you do. Put in the effort. It’s not that hard.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, here are a few tips for your impending second date:
[x] Don’t let your guard down in any way. You’re not in the clear (AKA relationship) yet.
[x] Do something less formal so you can get to know your date a bit more in a relaxed manner. Instead of the good ol’ dinner and a movie, do something more carefree and fun, like go bowling or ice-skating together.
[x] Surprise your date. Bring her flowers or surprise him by paying for dinner or dessert.
[x] And most importantly (cue the sappy love music), be yourself.

Happy dating, SolSaters!

– by The Black Widow

Dating Nikki: Valentine’s Day

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It’s the time of the year when single people all of a sudden hate everyone and those in a relationship are noticeably more catty towards those who are single. It’s Valentine’s Day – or as catty people in a relationship would call it, Single Awareness Day.

Do this and you are guaranteed success.

Do this and you are guaranteed success.

If you’re stuck on what to get your significant other or don’t know what to do with them on Friday night (besides a good round of woohoo), who ya gonna call? Note: not Ghostbusters. Me!

I will attempt to separate my advice in different stages of relationship, from the “we only started dating like five minutes ago” stage to the “we’ve pretty much been married for the past 20 years” stage. Let’s face it: if you’ve been in a relationship for over five years and your partner buys you a box of chocolates from Aldi, you’re gonna be pissed.

For those who have just started dating…
This would be your first Valentine’s Day as a couple so the main benefit from that is you don’t face the risk of repeating your gifts and event from a previous V Day like the longer couples do. Any idea you have will be safe, unless it’s way over the top. While I’m sure a woman would love to receive all the jewellery from Tiffany’s in the world, and a man would appreciate a new Harley Davidson sportster, it may be a little too much for your first V Day together. My suggestions?
Gift ideas (for him): Surprise him. Buy him a ride around Sydney on a Harley motorcycle (click here). If he’s a bit less rough around the edges, give him a box of chocolates (click here) and a good-read.
Gift ideas (for her): If you want a safe idea, stick with a nice bouquet of roses (click here) and a box of chocolates. Every girl loves chocolate more than she admits, I promise you. Have it delivered to her when she least expects it and she will swooooooon.

For those who have been together for over a year and are relatively comfortable with each other…
You guys have the trouble of coming up with something different from last year’s successful V Day together. You have the challenge of beating last year and making this year’s V Day all the more memorable. The positive for you is that you are aware of your partner’s interests and their lifestyle so finding a gift specifically tailored for them would be simple. If it isn’t that simple, however, here are my suggestions:
Gift ideas (for him): 21st century men love watches. Gift him with a nice fancy-looking watch and, if you have money left over on your budget, a big matching man ring.
Gift ideas (for her): I would say this is the period where buying your girlfriend lingerie is safe. Ask her friends discreetly for her size and then buy her something sexy to wear that night… only to be taken off straight away.

For those who are well into their relationship insomuch that you are probably going to get engaged soon…
This is for the couples who have been together for so long that everyone is just expecting you to get hitched soon. You’re right for each other and everybody knows it. You are also very comfortable with each other and should know your partner inside-out. You guys have the hurdle of switching it up from previous V Days together and that may hinder your idea brainstorming. If you are stuck for a specific idea, here are my suggestions:
Gift ideas (for him): This will require a bit of pre-planning. Buy your man tickets to an event he will really enjoy, whether it be a musical concert or a monster truck show. Top it off with a case of beer and a home cooked meal and he will be putty in your hands.
Gift ideas (for her): It’s time to bring out the big bucks and visit your nearest Tiffany’s, or any other quality jewellery store. You will know what your lady likes, so pick out something that says “I love you so much that I spent all this money on you.” Click here to browse through Tiffany’s collection.

For those who are married or in a long-term domestic relationship…
You are the couple that has made it. You have been through nearly every Valentine’s Day together and they have always been fantastic. You’re so comfortable with each other that you sometimes need to remember that you are not them. While you would have the added pressure of not repeating previous V Days, you pretty much don’t have high expectations anymore because you’ve nearly done it all. I would suggest a weekend away with each other to somewhere you have never been before. It doesn’t matter if it’s overseas or in the same city. Do something spontaneous! If you want an idea for an extra gift, here are my suggestions:
Gift ideas (for him): It’s well documented that boys love their toys. Depending on budget, I would suggest buying your man the latest iPad or a Kindle reader so he can read all of his manly action books in peace.
Gift ideas (for her): While I am not a wine connoisseur myself, most women can appreciate a good bottle of wine. Visit your local bottle-o and buy something expensive and old to let your woman know just how much she means to you. Top it off with a bouquet of roses, a box of chocolates, and she will realise how lucky she is to have you.

Now go off on your merry way; enjoy smelling the flowers and eating the chocolates; enjoy drinking on your wine and spending time with each other, and, most importantly, enjoy your woohoo.

– by The Black Widow

Dating Nikki: Online dating profiles

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We live in the era of technology and with the introduction of more and more technological upgrades, it has become more common and less socially weird to venture into the world of online dating. Websites like Zoosk, RSVP and Match are being frequented more often and apps like Tinder, Blendr and Grindr are popping up left, right and centre. Finding a date for the night is as easy as a few taps on your smartphone.

To this day, I still don't know what Zoosk means.

To this day, I still don’t know what Zoosk means.

I applaud the change in culture which has made online dating more socially acceptable than it was, say, ten years ago, because not everyone is fortunate to meet their significant others in a nightclub or at a friend’s party. What was only “okay” for the middle aged to do is now a common thing for the young adult to do on their apps. All you have to do is make a profile, put in a few details and you’re off!

However, people still aren’t grasping what is right to put in an online dating profile and what is wrong to put in. This is where Dating Noah is here to help you with. I have browsed a few dating sites and profiles and can pinpoint several things that I like in a profile and several things that I don’t like in a dating profile.

What to put in your dating profile
(+) Correct grammar and spelling. I can’t stress this enough. I am more likely to wink at a moderate-looking person with correct grammar and spelling than a solid 10 whose profile consists of “jst on hea 2 luk 4 ma 1 n only”. I hope you’re shivering reading that because I sure am.
(+) State what you’re looking for in an ideal partner but don’t be too specific about it. It may seem like you’re being a picky bitch but really, you are just saying what you want. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that – unless you’re saying “she has to have long blonde hair and legs for days.” Being too specific is being a picky bitch.
(+) Put a few of your goals and aspirations in your profile. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t reached these yet, or you’re still studying at uni, a person with goals is far more attractive than “I live at the gym to get in shape for music festivals.”
(+) Clearly define what you’re looking for in a date, whether that’s someone for a few casual dates, a long term relationship or just someone to fornicate with. I can’t imagine anything being more awkward than going on a date with someone who is expecting some action later in the night while you are praying for Mr./Mrs. Right.
(+) A nice, confident picture. I don’t mean touched up with photoshop taken by a professional photographer, I just mean a picture of you in your element with a nice smile on your face. Other people will find that really attractive, regardless of whether you look like John Gavin or not. Guys: don’t upload shirtless pictures. Please. Girls: keep your breasts neatly tucked in. Try to avoid awkward cropping also.
(+) Speaking of pictures, put a damn picture of your face up. A picture of your mildly impressive torso or your dog or your car is ridiculous.

What NOT to put in you dating profile
(-) While everyone is entitled to a preference of partner, don’t put it bluntly in your profile. Don’t know what I mean? Here’s an example: “No spice, no rice please.” Not only is that racist, it also shows what kind of person you are – ignorant. If someone that you aren’t attracted to approaches you, a polite “No thank you, I’m not interested, but I wish you well in your dating endeavours” would suffice.
(-) A novella about what kind of person you are and what kind of person you are looking for. E-daters generally don’t have the patience to read about how you lost your dog when you were 7 or about the time where you nearly became a firefighter but then didn’t due to injury. Keep your profile short and to the point.
(-) Dating/sex history. Your personal body count should really be kept to yourself, regardless of gender. Putting it all out there for everyone to see is, how do you say, disgusting.
(-) A picture of you with several other friends in the same image. It will confuse others and it may be awkward if someone approaches you saying “Hey sexy, are you that handsome bloke with the brown hair?” and you’re actually the blond guy on the side who looks nothing like the handsome bloke with the brown hair.

Remember, current or aspiring e-daters: be honest. If someone wants to try and shit on you for being honest with yourself and what you’re looking for, they’re just jealous. Oh, and be polite. A knock on someone else may damage them more than you think. Happy (and safe) online dating everyone!

– by The Black Widow

Dating Nikki: The Break Up

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So you’re growing tired of your significant other for whatever reason – they smell and you can’t put up with it anymore, they’re a starfish in bed – and you have ultimately decided, after much thought, that you want to end the relationship. You want it to be as smooth and un-patchy as possible but, of course, something as harsh and hard-hitting as a break up isn’t going to be easy sailing.

Unless you’re dating someone with an irregular heartbeat who can keep calm in any situation, the break up is always going to be difficult.

Well well, look who’s here to help you out.

If only break ups were this easy... and pink.

If only break ups were this easy… and pink.

You want to be as honest as possible without being “too” honest. For example, if you are breaking up due to creative differences, you can’t just say “I want to break up because what you think is shit and wrong and I’m right”, as easy as that would be; you have to put it lightly. In saying that, you can’t lie either. The whole “it’s not you, it’s me” line is such a cop out that I’m sure an innocent baby cries every time this disgusting line is muttered.

Here are a few tips in case you need a little guidance to kick that guy/gal to the kerb… in a nice way:

[x] Plan what you’re going to say so you have a general guide as to how you’re going to do it. Don’t rehearse it so much that you say it word for word; the other person will pick up on the “rehearsal” and will assume you have been planning it for ages.
[x] Try not to be in a public place with a lot of people around. In case shit hits the ceiling, you don’t want poor innocent bystanders watching you with their best sympathetic glances as your now-ex hurls every four-letter-word at you underneath God’s blue sky.
[x] Make sure your mind is made up. If you start to second-guess yourself, it will only further enrage the other party.
[x] Be polite and calm in your delivery. The tone of your voice and how your speech is carried will have a huge impact on the reaction from the other person, so if you’re calm and polite, chances are that they will take it easier.
[x] Choose your words carefully. “You have no goals and are lazy as feck” is better expressed by saying “I feel as if we are looking for different things in life.” See what I did there? Genius.
[x] Don’t point out any faults in the other person or yourself. You shouldn’t have to end a relationship feeling crappy about yourself.
[x] If it’s not meant to be, it just isn’t meant to be. Don’t try and prolong it just because you think it’s going to work.
[x] OPTIONAL: do the break-up over ice-cream. Who am I kidding? This isn’t optional. Do it over ice-cream.

Another important rule that I really shouldn’t have to paint out (because it’s bleedingly obvious) yet a lot of people seem to do it: don’t go straight into another relationship or hook up with someone straight after. It’s inconsiderate and rude and people who do this are usually labelled a slapper; nobody wants to be labelled a slapper. “Jumping from one car to another” is just wrong.

And if you need any suggestions for types of ice-cream to break up over, may I suggest a hot fudge sundae with coffee ice-cream, whipped cream and nuts from Ben and Jerry’s? It works wonders.

– by The Black Widow