Category Archives: Lifestyle

Satisfashion: Split Leg Jeans

Posted in Lifestyle, Satisfashion by

I’m not going to lie; if I were suffering from insomnia and badly wanted to go to sleep, I’d watch a fashion show. They bore me to tears. I have little to zero interest in the fashion industry but, hey, everyone is programmed differently and I don’t hold anything against those who are expert fashionistas.

In saying that, I’d like to think that I have a good style myself and can put together a pretty decent outfit for myself and for others. One of the things I enjoy most at my job is styling clueless men who have no idea how to put together an outfit and after dealing with me, leave with some good buys.

Anywho, here’s to introducing my new fashion portion of my blog, deftly titled “Satisfashion”. Geddit? Geddit?

Here is today’s fashion curiosity:
The Split Leg Jean

They're a sight for sore eyes, aren't they?

They’re a sight for sore eyes, aren’t they?

For the sake of argument, I’m going to specifically refer to black and red split leg jeans.

So, if you can’t see, split leg jeans are a type of pant where one leg is one colour and the other leg is another colour. It’s an interesting concept and a very tricky garment to pull off. But that’s why I’m here to help you.

I know the general idea of constructing an outfit is to revolve the clothes around the shoes, but in split leg jeans, that’s not the case. You have to revolve your whole outfit around dem jeans if you want to make the outfit work. You want the central point of the outfit to be the jeans so if you wear something else that detracts attention from your outrageous jeans, well, that’s an issue.

For starters, you’re going to have to base the colour choices around your jeans. For me, I stuck to a basic black, red and white colour combination to compliment my jeans. I wore a white shirt with black and red decal on the front, a black cardigan on top and a red neck bandanna for extra sass. For some strange reason, I find comfort in having something on top of my head and sunnies tend to do that trick, so I even had black sunglasses on.

The tricky part is “what colour shoes am I going to wear with this? Do I go black or do I go red?” Why not be bold and do both – if it works.  If you have one red Doc Marten and one black canvas slip on shoe, chances are high that you will look stupid if you don them together. What I chose to wear was one black Converse shoe on the red leg and one red Converse on the black leg to create an eye-catching harlequin/court jester type image. If you don’t have the materials to do this, however, I would suggest a pair of black shoes. Wearing a red shoe on the red leg may look too red while a black shoe with a black leg is passable. I know that sounds silly, but trust me.

Here’s what I had:

Split leg jean swag!

Split leg jean swag!

Pulled off like a champion, methinks.

If I think fashion is going the way I think it’s going to do, split leg jeans are going to become a huge hit in the near future, so I suggest you pop on over to places that sell split leg jeans or even split leg shorts and buy yourself a pair. They’re sure to be a hit at the next event or party you have to attend.

– by The Black Widow

It’s the Little Things

Posted in Lifestyle by

Living in such a fast-paced, busy world, it’s bound to happen that the small things that make your life so much better will go unnoticed. An alarm, for example, is a lifesaver – if it weren’t for that annoying sound constantly going off until you whack the button to tell it to shutup, I would guess that 98% of people in the world would have lost their job ages ago.

Because really, how good is toothpaste!

Because really, how good is toothpaste!

I’m quite hippy in the fact that I like to take the time out of my day to stop and appreciate the small things in my life that make it so breezy; I don’t do it as often as one should, but I’m only human with a much busier schedule than I’m used to.

This one instance I always refer back to was one day when I woke up – as usual – took a shower – as usual – and then went to brush my teeth. I had a different toothpaste than what I’m used to so, without too much thinking, I used it. Can I just say that it was the most amazing toothpaste that I have ever used? It had those little breath strip things within the toothpaste and it just done its job so well and much, much more. The usage of this amazing toothpaste literally made my day so much better than it would have been if I had used my normal, boring toothpaste.

Without spending too much time writing about the intricacies of toothpaste, instead of pondering about these little things, I decided to write something about it and name a few inventions and other tidbits that make my life so fantastical.

Drive-thru
I was getting Maccas the other night for dinner because I couldn’t be arsed to cook myself anything, and I was sitting in the drive-thru line which was pretty packed. I could see in my rear view mirror that the person behind me was getting rather impatient and here I was sitting there quite calm and reserved. Why? Imagine if there was no such thing as drive-thru and you had to get out of your car to get your fast food just to get back into the car and drive back home. Like, who has the time for that? Drive-thru is also handy for people like me who tend to drive half-naked so it saves you from getting out of the car. I get that I am praising an invention that was designed to make lazy people even lazier, but still, it’s handy, no?

Skype and other video call technologies
My brother, sister-in-law and nephew live in Brisbane, my oldest sister lives in New Zealand and one of my best friends is currently touring Europe by herself. While phone calls, Facebook messages and other forms of textual communication come in handy, there is nothing better than hearing them speak whilst having visual images to support that. I for one am so glad that Skype was invented so I get to see how big my nephew is getting without him actually being there and the opportunity to chat to my sister about pointless things.

Car phone chargers
I depend on my smartphone as much as everyone else does, maybe even more. So when I went to Hunter Valley for CMC Rocks for 3 days – which was absolutely amazing, by the way – I had to face the dilemma of ‘how exactly was I going to keep my phone charged, in a camp site, with no apparent method of charging’. The solution was simple once I thought about it – I sat in my car with the engine turned on to charge my phone. While I looked anti-social and somewhat materialistic, at least I had a way of documenting my time at CMC Rocks with pictures, notes and phone calls to my family.

Da Police
One thing I am absolutely sick of are people complaining about the police. Yes, there are some shady police workers out there, but there are shady workers in every work industry. It’s bound to happen. Human beings aren’t perfect. So when I see people complain about the efforts of police or the ethics of police, I sit there and think ‘Sure, that’s all fine and dandy, but if you have a teenage daughter who comes running to you saying that she was raped, who are you going to go to for help?’ Unless you’re Batman, you’re going to go the police you just damned for eating donuts on their well deserved break.

Clothes hangers
No one necessarily cares about clothes hangers… until you need them. Nekk minnit, you’re running around like a headless chook looking for spare hangers. As a compulsive shopper with an overflowing wardrobe, one can never have too many clothes hangers. Unless you’re perfectly fine with leaving your nicely ironed clothes on the floor in a messy-folded heap.

I could go on and on and point out more little tidbits in life that make the world a better place, but you’d be here for days. I implore you SolSat readers to stop and smell the daisies, for lack of a better phrase. It may even make your outlook in life way more positive.

– by The Black Widow

6 Things That Defined My 90’s Childhood

Posted in Lifestyle by

Growing up in the 90’s was an absolute privilege, in my personal opinion. This was before the cameraphones and smart phones and all the technology and entertainment systems that are out today. For entertainment, we chased each other around playing tips where there was one central pole of “bar” and where board games were the most amazing thing you could have. My upbringing in the last decade of the 20th century was so amazing that I decided to write something about it. Being born ’93, I am probably just in the demographic that can say that they were raised in the 90s, with the latter years in the decade being too young to really appreciate the greatest decade of history.

Any true 90's kid will remember this logo. (SOURCE: Wonderlandhistory.net)

Any true 90’s kid will remember this logo. (SOURCE: Wonderlandhistory.net)

1. Morning cartoon television, or more specifically, Cheez TV

In what was originally just going to be “Pokemon”, I stopped and thought “Hey, that means I”ll be excluding Dragon Ball Z, Sailor Moon, Digimon and other morning cartoons that made my childhood so great”. All 90’s kids should remember who Jade Gatt and Ryan Lappin are, and if not, here’s a small reminder – Cheez TV. They were the two young, cool hosts of Cheez TV who generally performed entertaining segments in between cartoons in the morning. I remember waking up at 7 in the morning because the cartoon they usually showed at 6:30 generally wasn’t the popular one and running to the lounge room to watch my daily morning dosage of cartoons which consisted of the likes of Pokemon and Dragon Ball Z. Although, if you did wake up to watch the 6:30 cartoon and woke up too early, you’d be stuck watching Aerobics. I was there when Ash’s Pikachu beat Brock’s Onix with the aid of a fire sprinkler; I was there when Goku and Vegeta duked it out for what seemed like forever. In comparison to the cartoons on today’s television, these were unstoppable; the cartoons today are full of singing and people dressed up in large, animal costumes who skip around and sing some more while the 90’s cartoons were action-packed and always entertaining. I feel sorry the children of the 21st century who didn’t wake up to Jade and Ryan’s faces every weekday morning.

2. The evolution of the Nintendo

It was a rare treat for kids to have a gaming console in the 90s unlike today where you just expect every house to have one. I remember being absolutely heartbroken when my Super Nintendo broke… I couldn’t save the day anymore with Mario and beat Birdo in that level where you jump on the eggs that it shoots out and throw it back, and I couldn’t play the very first Mortal Kombat where Sonya was the least bit sexy compared to what she looks like now. The void in my life was filled when my parents bought us a Nintendo 64 for Christmas which provided me with such entertainment from titles such as Diddy Kong Racing and Mario Party. I used to always harass my parents or older siblings to take me to the video store so I could rent a game and sit on it for hours straight. These legendary titles are slowly becoming rare and their prices are rising in video game economics. Even so, my Nintendo 64 which to this day still functions properly, will never be up for sale.

3. Wonderland, Bring It Back

I lived in Bathurst for the first 9 years of my life so I couldn’t visit Wonderland as much as some other children might have but I remember, for some reason, my Dad would be able to take us to Wonderland for free as part of a deal from his work like once a year so it was an annual tradition for my family to go to Wonderland. Because I was a youngun when I went, I only specifically remember going to Hanna Barbera land and other kiddish rides; I was also too young to drive a dodgem car by myself so I would steer while my Dad would be next to me handling the pedal. I still remember that pounding heart excitement feeling I would get just walking through the gate and standing underneath the sign and I would feel that way for the entire day. I think my personal favourite ride was the one where you would sit on a plane that you could make go up and fly in the air or go down and travel along the water and you’d just go around in a circle until the ride stopped. Reading about Wonderland closing down absolutely tore me and I would (metaphorically) kill to see it come back. RIP Wonderland Sydney.

4. WWF, and not the panda version either

Before World Wrestling Entertainment was led by all-american hero John Cena, it was World Wrestling Federation and it was led by Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock and D-Generation X. Wrestling nowadays doesn’t have the cult following it used to have especially in the 90’s when the Attitude Era was in its prime. It was pretty much guaranteed that nearly every kid watched wrestling, whether it was casually or religiously. The characters of wrestling in the 90s were extreme and over the top, like Right to Censor, The Godfather and the Kat, the latter of which still remains one of my most favourite wrestling personalities ever. Wrestling is losing its touch it used to have when I was a child with the lack of outstanding characters and attention-grabbing storylines and it’s a shame the children of today didn’t witness the greatest era of wrestling there ever was. Or the Monday Night Wars.

5. Handball, tips and Stuck in the Mud

The act of crawling through someone’s legs to set them free because they are stuck in imaginary mud is a rare thing today and that truly makes me sad. Playground games when I was a child in primary school were so simple but so fun; I remember that my friends and I claimed a handball court and would dash to the square before anyone else could steal it from us and play handball for ages. I also specifically remember being the worst player of the group but that’s another story. When we weren’t whacking a tennis ball around calling out “DOUB TAP” or “DOUBS”, we were chasing each other around or waiting for the 10 second bar rule to expire so you could immediately tap that person and say “TIP, YOU’RE IT!” and then running away before they could tip you back. These simple games could keep a child entertained for hours and had absolutely no digital requirement of a smartphone or other device.

6. Boy bands and girl groups

“So I tell you what I want, what I really, really want”. “Baby when the lights go out, I’ll show you what it’s all about”. If you read these words, you’re probably not a 90’s kid or had a different upbringing than most, but if you sung these words in a certain tune, then you will recognise that they are lyrics belonging to the Spice Girls and Five respectively. As much as One Direction and The Wanted want to try, they are several years too late – the boy band craze was in the 90s, and the female equivalent of the girl group also belonged to the 90s. The Backstreet Boys, N’Sync, TLC, Destiny’s Child… these were all creations from the 90s when poppy music was the in thing as opposed to the loud techno Transformer like music of today. I remember joining a dance group in primary school who performed a dance to Stop by Spice Girls although I can’t remember the outcome of that dance unfortunately. Music was much easier to the ears in the 90s.

I miss being a child with no care in the world other than how you were going to catch that Zapdos without having a Master Ball. I miss my entire childhood quite frankly. Unfortunately for all of us, we all have to grow up eventually, even if we try and fight it. As for me, I will continue being deluded about my adulthood by skipping around nightclubs with a lollipop dangling around in my mouth. The body may age but the mind doesn’t. Noah out!

– by The Black Widow

Facebook Pet Peeves

Posted in Lifestyle by
(What you may type into this box may affect how other people view you. SOURCE: Facebook)

(What you may type into this box may affect how other people view you. SOURCE: Facebook)

“People who whinge on Facebook suck.” – Kial Malone, 20 years old

Facebook whiners. Excessive selfie takers. The sympathy seekers.

These are just a few of the people who have committed a heinous crime. Not an actual legal crime, just a crime of the Facebook kind. We all know what we want to see on our personal Facebook newsfeed and what we don’t want to see; more specifically, what people do on Facebook which gets on our last nerve. This jovial journalist took to the young adults on Facebook to find out what was their biggest Facebook pet peeve.

Facebook Whiners
Symptoms

  • Pessimism – it is usually those who are negative that feel the need to whine
  • Status abusers, those who update a status at will every half hour. SEE: Status Abuser
  • Supposed low self-esteem

“To me, the most annoying thing on Facebook would be the statuses complaining about life. If you aren’t happy with a certain aspect of your life, do something to make the change. Don’t bitch about it to people who don’t care.” – Simon Wagstaff, 18 years old.

We’ve all seen this. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that I wouldn’t really have to explain or define what a “Facebook whiner” is. A well known sub-genre of the Facebook whiner is the “Sympathy Seeker”. These are the types of people who will publish a status update with something usually unnecessarily negative with the conscious goal of gaining sympathy and/or attention from others. Eg: “Just had the WORST day ever!! 😦 FML :(” Yeah, I’m sure missing a train to work constitutes to having the absolute worst day ever despite the fact that most trains come every 10 – 20 minutes. I’d even guess that putting a Whiner in the shoes, or lack thereof, of a parentless child in a third-world country would be an absolute breeze for Whiner because they’re used to having the WORST days ever.

“When people post a depressing woe is me status for attention then refuse to elaborate once they receive the attention.” – Cara Hawkins, 20 years old

As suggested by the lovely Miss Hawkins, sometimes Facebook whiners go that extra mile to decline any attention or sympathy despite actually wanting it, therefore making their “terrible situation” look even worse. Of course, if you decide to personally message a Whiner and ask them if they are okay, they will either take the high road and tell you their problems and look for advice or, alternatively, they could continue down the dark road they’re on and reply with two simple letters – “dw”. Unless that stands for “Don’tmovebecauseI’mgoingtothrowabrickatyour Whinerface” then I have no interest.

“I hate it when people post their problems on Facebook which leading [sic] to more problems and does nothing about that problem. It’s more like people look for attention or sympathy… face your problems not Facebook them!” – Brendan Leatau, 20 years old

As most of the whining is done on a Facebook status, it is a nice segue into the next kind of Facebook criminal.

Status Abusers
Symptoms

  • One who is rather opinionated
  • One who is rather bitter

“When mothers post judgmental statuses about other mothers instead of supporting them, or instead talking to the mother in person and encouraging them.” – Amanda Kowalczyk, 21 years old

A close related cousin to the Whiner is the Status Abuser, one who abuses the right of posting status updates on a Facebook newsfeed to either bitch, whine or a bit of both, as suggested by the young mother previously quoted. Admittedly, there is a good kind of Status Abuser, insomuch that I would not consider them a Status Abuser in the first place – those who post on Facebook their well-researched opinion on a certain topic. I’m all for freedom of expression and opinion and welcome that to the old newsfeed. In saying that, the Status Abuser will write several irrelevant and unresearched statuses to either spark a fight or to indirectly vent their issues out in a public forum.

“When people use Facebook as a diary, airing their dirty laundry, then tell people to mind their own business.” – Alexia Levave, 21 years old

Constantly using the status option to bitch about other people is not only a childish way of sorting out a problem or venting an issue, it is also annoying to those who have to read it and have absolutely nothing to do with the argument between the two parties. A common trait between cousins Status Abuser and Whiner are that they usually want people to mind their own business, despite having put it on a public forum. An example of a Status Abuser’s finest work: “Wish that someone would have the guts to say it to my face!!” and then 10 minutes later, “I’m so sick of backstabbers!! Where are all the true friends?!” Requesting someone say something to your face via a Facebook status is not only stupid, it’s hypocritical. Nobody likes a hypo!

NOTE: undercover Status Abusers come out of their shell during a certain important series of rugby league games previously covered on Solstice Satisfaction.

Excessive Selfie Takers
Symptoms

  • Ownership of a smartphone
  • Usage of the “duckface”
  • Too much spare time

“When people post an album… of practically the same selfie.” – Matthew Winter, 17 years old

We all enjoy taking the occasional selfie or two for our own different reasons; whether that be for fun or you feel the need to update an outdated profile picture. But then there are the people who take it too far and tend to upload several pictures of just themselves, generally in the exact same pose or with the exact same face. The distant cousin of the Whiner and Status Abuser, the Excessive Selfie Taker tends to have several narcissistic traits which grants them the desire to constantly post pictures of themselves pouting their lips. The only relation they have to the Whiner and Status Abuser is the desired outcome – attention.

“The most annoying thing someone can do is constantly post the exact same selfie over and over again.” – Manuel Alavanos, 20 years old

The need for attention is strong within the Excessive Selfie Taker, and their thirst for attention will not be quenched unless that attention is given to them. There are those who look for people to tell them how attractive they are, while there are those who want people to tell them how not-fat they are despite captioning the selfie with “I’m so fat :(“. The majority of Excessive Selfie Takers tend to be of the younger teen demographic, commonly referred to as “twelvies”, but there are some in their late teens or early twenties that still abuse their smartphone camera for no apparent reason.

Criminal Likers
Symptoms

  • A desire to make others think they’re a decent person
  • Twisted view on how to “help”
  • Very little common sense

“I loathe people who like pictures of abused children or pets – what purpose does this serve but make my insides churn at what society is capable of. You’re not putting a stop to child abuse or making any difference.” – Lara McKenzie, 21 years old

As a staunch animal rights activist and general decent person, the Criminal Liker is high on my hit-list of Facebook criminals. What is a Criminal Liker, you say? Have you ever seen a ghastly image of a dead or unconscious animal or child just magically appear on your newsfeed with the caption “Like to save this dog” or “1 like = 1 dollar to save this baby”. Common sense would suggest that liking a picture of that caliber will do absolutely nothing of the sort in the saving of the poor animal or child presented in the picture.

“One of the most annoying things I see on Facebook is the pic with children from Africa saying “1 like = 1 pray” and “1 comment = $1.” – Matthew Duffus, 24 years old

If you really want to go out and help, host a fundraiser and donate the earnings to a charity of your choice; save up money and go on a mission trip to a third-world country to help those in need; or simply give up meat and become a vegetarian or vegan as a small way of standing up for those who can’t speak for themselves. The Criminal Liker doesn’t see it this way, however; they think if they publicise the fact that they have a “desire” to help, people will think that they are an angelic human being. No. In the end, the only thing that the Criminal Like has accomplished is successfully proving to everyone that their IQ is as low as my respect for them.

“My pet peeve is sharing a ‘one like = one prayer’ for bullshit causes! Get a grip people, get off Facebook and go help the homeless if you really care!” – Jacob Anwyl, 18 years old

Those on Facebook have spoken. If you have read this, realised you may have some of the symptoms suggested in the description of the archetype Facebook criminal, you may want to have a good sit down with yourself and think how your actions may affect others. I never suggest someone to change themselves for the sake of others because I am all for being yourself; however, a simple change of attitude on life and how you approach it may just be the Get out of Jail Free card for you to be released from your Facebook criminal days.

– by The Black Widow