Top 10 Badass Who Villains

Posted in Entertainment, TV by

Let’s face it; Doctor Who has the most badass villains ever! But who’s the most badassest of them all? Solstice Satisfaction takes a look at the worst of them.

All images from various Doctor Who sources, including The Doctor Who Site.

10. Sontarans
sontarans
The frightening soldier-like race only made less scary by the fact that they look like potatos with bodies, the Sontarans are quite fond of killing and think of it as a type of leisure, so that alone should make even the mightiest Time Lord or human companion wary of these potatos-in-blue-suits.

9. Autons
autons
If you work in retail, I feel bad for you son, I’ve got 99 problems, but a store mannequin turning into a killing Auton ain’t one. These “plastic people” are controlled by the Nestene Consciousness and shoot these really nifty lasers out of their plastic hands. They’re also frightening because people are used to store mannequins and will let their guard down. But you shouldn’t. Rose Tyler isn’t in this dimension to save you.

8. Vashta Nerada
Vashta_nerada
“Hey! Who turned out the lights?” If this sentence resonates with you as a Whovian, then you’ll know why the Vashta Nerada are so frightening. I could only describe the Vashta Nerada as a type of darkness that kills you and takes control of your physical body while replaying the last thing you ever said constantly. If you were in a River Song spacesuit. If you were just wearing trackies and a sweater… I’d say it’d be much worse.

7. The Beast
the-beast
The Beast is commonly referred to as the Devil. Or Satan. Or Lucifer. Whatever you’d like to call it. Either way, he is just as scary as every demonic version of him suggests, although I’m pretty sure he’s like 50 feet tall and lives in the fiery depths of hell. Or whatever your version of hell is.

6. Empty Child/Children
emptych
If there is one seemingly innocent line that can freak out a Whovian, it’s this: “Are you my mummy?” What turned one child with a gas mask on into an entire colony of people wearing gas masks all saying “Are you my mummy?” became one of the most frightening things of the entire Doctor Who universe, or Whoniverse. Let’s just say I can’t look at gas masks the same way.

5. Silence
silence
How are you supposed to take the fight to a creature that you can’t even remember? The Silence, who look like regular stereotypical aliens sometimes dressed in dapper suits, are actually deadly in the fact that as soon as you look away from them, you can’t even remember them. Just make sure you carry a marker around with you to let your body know how many times you’ve actually seen them.

4. Weeping Angels
weepingangels
If there is one thing worse than forgetting a creature, it’s not looking away from it. The Weeping Angels feed off time energy and are the reason why Amy and Rory had to separate from Eleven. Their shtick is simple: they are angel statues when you look at them. You blink, and they’re all of a sudden right in your face. Don’t take your eye off them, because the moment they touch you, you’ve gone back way in time and have to live a life in an era you don’t know.

3. The Master
masterjohn
The one Time Lord who is capable of giving the Doctor the heebie jeebies is The Master. His friend. His rival. His nemesis. Only made less frightening by his unpredictable behaviour, the Master doesn’t have the same kindness to humans as the Doctor does. Although, we can take comfort in that Martha Jones once stopped him from taking over the world.

2. Cybermen
cybermen
“Deleeeete!” If you hear this, you should either duck or roll to the side. Or ultimately give up and surrender. Because that is the word a Cyberman will shout before he shoots you and kills you, just like that. Cybermen were once humans who were convered into this robotic killing machines and are completely devoid of human emotions or feelings. What is worse than having no feelings!

1. Daleks
daleks
What looks like a rolling machine with a rod sticking out of its head to a non Whovian is actually the most deadly Who villain of them all. The Daleks, the rivals of the Time Lords. The rivalry led to the Time War which left the Doctor wandering the world by himself as the only Time Lord left in existence. Of course, if you need a hand defeating the Daleks, the Doctor has several companions who have been known to EXTERMINAAAATE them. Here’s looking at you, Bad Wolf Rose Tyler.

Be glad that all these creatures aren’t real.

Or are they?

Don’t blink!

– by The Black Widow

Whatever Happened to My Rock N’ Roll?

Posted in Entertainment, Music by

It may be flogging a dead horse to point out that the music industry has gone all to hell over the past wee while but if post-mortem equine flagellation is what is required to make a positive change then Phar Lap and Red Rum need to watch their step in horsey heaven because it’s whipping time…

Reining in on the horse related puns… It does seem that the music industry needs to have a good sit down in a darkened room and have a quiet word with itself. It’s hard to remember a time when the radio has been so painfully difficult to listen to and popular music been so laughably bad.

A coke can for Mr. Derulo as he clearly always forgets his name. (SOURCE: Eva Rinaldi's Flickr photostream)

A coke can for Mr. Derulo as he clearly always forgets his name. (SOURCE: Eva Rinaldi’s Flickr photostream)

Messrs Guetta and Derulo seemingly engaged in some kind of battle for the already blanched souls of the world’s youth. What’s worse is they love it. They really love it. Try and point out that it’s unmitigated shite without any redeeming features, that it’s musically immature, emotionally stunted and sexist to the point of being insulting to the collective intelligence of every woman in the world (take a bow Derulo and Thicke). If you were to point out these unassailable truths, you would be met with derision for being too old to understand and probably you would be called a dick.

 And that’s fair enough. I called by own father a dick when he likened Radiohead to the sound of “a fella being drowned in a river in the fog” and said he “wouldn’t open the back window if they were singing in the yard” in relation to Jurassic 5. The difference is that he was wrong and we on this occasion are right. It’s piss poor music for people who don’t really like music.

You may well point out at this stage that the singles chart has always been insufferable bollocks chosen by the pre-pubescent and the lonely and… yeah, it has but it used to be a battleground. Where there was “Blue Da Ba Dee Daba Da” there was Blur and where there was Crazy Frog there was Belle and Sebastian. Recently it seems the war is has been lost. Top to bottom, song after song with no heart.

Please don’t feel I’m focusing unfairly on the boys. The women are letting the side down just as badly. Forget Regina Spektor and Karen O. Step forward Perry, Minaj, Swift and She Who Must Not Be Named… Ke$ha. These lot make Spears, Aguilera and ol’ humble tits herself Shakira look like excellent role models for youngsters the world over.

It’s Cowell and his ilk. That merry band of music killing morons determined to suck the last dying breath from an already choking music industry. If we allow the musical gene pool to become so stagnant that Simon Cowell is everyone’s daddy then the end result is a music industry born of incest.

Think of One Direction and their compatriots as sperm swimming away up the musical fallopian tube. Not our fastest swimmers I think you’ll agree. So One Direction (living up to their name in fairness), arrive at the egg which bears a striking resemblance to Danni Minogue who smiles beatifically down at tiny Harry Styles (she is 85,000 times bigger than him after all). He wiggles in and as they say, Robert’s your mother’s brother. Now repeat the process again and again and therein lies the problem. Lots of musical halfwits releasing songs with cunning titles like Best Song Ever, kicking their arms and legs at the same time on the musical swings and hobbling around and around the musical chairs.

I suspect many people out there would blame the internet for the decay of the once vibrant music industry and not many would object to that assessment. Radiohead’s Thom Yorke for example, described Spotify as, “the last desperate fart of a dying corpse.”

It’s hard to disagree with him when it would seem that a great (great) many of us have completely given up on paying for any music at all. A point aptly demonstrated when Radiohead’s In Rainbows was released and fans allowed to pay whatever they chose. The end result was 62 per cent of us decided that what we wanted to pay was nothing. And bearing in mind that was in 2007… I don’t think that percentage would change for the better today.

The result seems to be that to succeed you’re better off appealing to the majority. And considering the meteoric rise of Bieber and Swift I’ll just hold off on putting my faith in the wisdom of crowds.

There are of course more holes in my argument than in the rationale of a pro-gun lobbyist  and there are of course amazing musicians and bands coming out all the time, like The Tallest Man on Earth, The Milk Carton Kids and Cosmo Jarvis just to name a few (pardon the plug), but I think the point I’m making so badly is that for once wouldn’t it be nice if the biggest band in the world was the best band in the world?

– by James Andrews

Review: Red Hill

Posted in Books, Entertainment by

As if surviving a zombiepocalypse wasn’t enough, I have another zombie related post for you!

Jamie McGuire, who is probably most well known for the Beautiful Disaster series, decided one day to venture out of her comfort zone and write a zombie apocalypse novel with several different concepts featured in it. The result? Red Hill. Will this measure up to the perfection that is Travis Maddox and his ungrateful lover?

photo 2 (1)

Instead of “Red Hill”, it should be called “Red Hill with kinda green grass”.

Red Hill is a post-apocalyptic novel which follows the lives of three characters: Scarlet, Nathan and Miranda. Scarlet is a divorced mother of two who dedicates her life to her children and her work. Nathan is an unhappily married man who soldiers on through his marriage and his unfulfilling job for his daughter. Miranda is a college student with a lanky boyfriend and some serious daddy issues. The three characters events and journeys to the deftly named hill are detailed in this novel along with how they survive and… romance! OMG! I didn’t know there was such thing in a zombiepocalypse!

I could not put this book down. Seriously. I think I finished it within 24 hours of purchasing it because I loved it that much. Maybe it’s because I’ve never read a zombiepocalypse novel before and this is my first time so I had no expectations – or Jamie McGuire is just that darn brilliant – but I actually loved Red Hill. The story was so captivating and the mix of survival, mateship and romance blended in together in this novel was pretty phenom.

The one negative that I would have to attach to this novel are the characters. I found it difficult to really connect to some of the characters (with Nathan and Miranda, to an extent being the exceptions). I found Scarlet to be somewhat unrealistic as she went from a panicky single mother who works as an X-ray technician to this total survivalist badass babe who rivalled Oliver Queen when it came to long-distance aiming. She was also really annoying. I thought Nathan’s character was definitely relatable and his dedication to his daughter would’ve made me cry if I had a heart. Miranda was a hit or miss. I liked her and kind of related to her with what she was going through (spoilers!) but at the same time, I don’t understand the purpose of going in her perspective. If I read the book solely from Scarlet and Nathan’s perspectives, the story would’ve been the exact same and I wouldn’t have missed out on anything.

Let it be known that my favourite character was Joey. ♥

McGuire wrote this true to her own writing style and it made it very easy. The descriptions used in the novel were easy to follow and the language used was easy to understand so the novel was open to the casual reader and also the extreme novelist.  If there was one thing to criticise about the writing – or the storyline, not really sure where to fit this – was Scarlet and Nathan’s interactions with each other. So not to spoil it for anyone, I found it to be unrealistic and a bit how ya goin’.

Solst-o-meter
Storyline: 8.5/10
Style of writing: 8/10
Overall: 8/10

Overall, I highly recommend the purchasing of this book as it appeals to the romance reader but also to the extreme action reader. And to those who are just as obsessed with zombiepocalypses like I am. Not that I ever want it to happen.

– by The Black Widow

How to Survive a Zombiepocalypse

Posted in Lifestyle by

I bet you’re all thinking about it, even if you aren’t.

Why is it that most people are scared of being left in a graveyard by themselves at night when graveyards are some of the most peaceful places on the earth? I doubt it’s because of the decorum. In any shape or form, regardless of how cynical you are, all people have some kind of belief that zombies may exist at some point. Whether it’s some sort of spooky spell that makes the dead rise from their graves or a viral infection that could turn even the most calm people to cannibalistic “walkers”, zombies are always a hot topic of conversation.

Look at that beautiful face! (SOURCE: Mark Lobo's Flickr photostream)

Look at that beautiful face! (SOURCE: Mark Lobo’s Flickr photostream)

But what if the horror came to life?

Well before that happens and Solstice Satisfaction becomes extinct due to no electrical power, I have compiled a list of things you may need to do (or may not need to do) to survive a potential zombie apocalypse based on knowledge from watching zombie movies, reading zombie books or from playing the spectacular Multiple Choice Interactive Novel Zombiepocalypse game.

1. A long extended melee weapon will do the trick
Whether the zombies you have in mind are the traditional slow type that groan, or the even scarier ones that run faster than Usain Bolt, both lots are attracted to sound. If you’re smooth sailing and you see one zombie and shoot it, don’t be surprised if a whole group of them come towards you because they heard the BANG! Therefore, it’s wise to have a non-sound-making melee weapon on hand in case you need to put away a lone zombie in your area. I say a “long extended” weapon because if you have a measly knife, you’re close enough to the biter that even before you’ve thought of stabbing it, it’s already bitten you. May I suggest a baseball bat, golf club or even a parasol? Imagine that. Putting a zombie down with a pink lace parasol.

2. Cardio (and a good pair of running shoes)
I have this irrational fear that a zombiepocalypse will break out when I’m wearing jandals or ug boots or some other form of non-running footwear. Couple that with the fact that I’m as fit as a hippo and I’d be walking bait. Unfortunately, you and your impressive melee weapon techniques won’t be enough to take down a herd of zombies, so it’s best that you make a break for it and run like you’ve never ran in your life. You will be grateful that you ignored the stitches in your sides when you have successfully escaped the herd’s attention.

3. Safety in numbers
I never understood why in Scooby Doo that the Mystery Inc gang would always split up in the most frightening situations. Sure, you’d cover more ground that way, but you are royally firetrucked if you get yourself into a pickle and there’s only one other person to save you (or no one at all). If you travel alone during a zombiepocalypse, you’re more likely to die. Soz but it’s the truth. If you travel with a partner or a group, at least you have someone to watch your back when you’re sleeping or taking a dump in the bushes. It also helps if your gang are former Marines or Doctors or something.

4. Stop for no one
One rule I personally don’t agree with but has proven time and time again to be successful is to stop for no one. Although this may contradict number three, stopping for no one can save your hide eventually. Taking someone else with your or adding another member to your crew just means one more person to look out for and one more mouth to feed. I can’t tell you how many “how long will you last” zombie quizzes I’ve flunked just because I’d stop to save a child. People also get really shady in tragic times like these and you never know what that crying woman on the side of the road will do to you when you’re asleep.

5. Have a base
I’m not talking permanent base like the farm on Walking Dead but I’m talking a mutual home ground for yourself or your gang to meet/rest at when needed. Permanent bases have been shown to be ineffective because people let their guard down and BAM! Herds of zombies. A commonly-but-not-commonly-used base is effective because, if by chance that you get separated from your group, you all know to meet at the base. Also, it’s nice to have somewhere familiar to sleep in terrible times like these. May I suggest a high-fenced area or the top floor of a secure building?

6. Be resourceful
Don’t be that douchebag that says “We don’t need more petrol, just keep going” and then the car runs out of petrol and you’re surrounded by the undead. You get even close to halfway, fill that mother trucker up. Your food source runs low, go out and find some more. Stacking up on resources isn’t greedy or anything like that. It’s wise. You never know when you may be in for a long winter.

7. Observe the undead from afar
One way to learn more about something is to examine it. Why not do the same with the zombies? You may find out if they have any weaknesses, or what they react to, or how long it takes for someone to “turn”. This knowledge will come in handy in case you need to distract a zombie… or you need to know how long you have until you become inhuman.

8. Guns, guns and more guns
In case you are surrounded by a herd and your long extended melee weapon won’t do the trick and all your exits are blocked, then it is appropriate to pull out the big guns. Literally. Guns give you safety in distance and also pull a bigger punch than melee weapons. Of course, don’t give any firearms to any minors or otherwise woefully unequipped to use a gun because nekk minnit, accidental shootings.

When the zombiepocalypse comes and you’ve survived until the end of it, be sure to write “Thank you SolSat” in big red letters with a spray can on the ground to show your gratitude for this article. Muchly appreciated.

– by The Black Widow