Satisfashion: Rugby League

In this second installment of Satisfashion, I thought I’d write about something that I am clearly passionate about – that being rugby league, or NRL in particular. I’m doing the darndest thing and combining that with something that is complete opposite to rugby league – fashion. Dun dun duuuuun. Fashion in the NRL? Whatever do I mean?

Well, I’ve seen many o’ fashion mistakes at all the NRL games I’ve been to through the years and decided to help the fashionably challenged at NRL games. In spirit of the NRL finals around the corner – and seeing as my team is out for the season *Sadface* – here we go with the Do’s and Dont’s of fashion at NRL games.

The obvious fashion must at an NRL game (if you’re willingly going to one and support a team) is a footy jersey. These must be done tastefully because there are some blindingly horrendous cases that you shouldn’t wear your team’s jersey. For example, if you support the Warriors and you are going to a Broncos vs. Bulldogs game, please for the love of all that is holy, do not wear your Warriors jersey and call out ignorant things like “GO THE WARRIORS!!” Nobody found it funny the first time so no one will find it funny this time. When people do this, I want nothing more than for them to get kicked out for being stupid. Genuine team jerseys can be a bit pricey unless you know when and where to shop for your team merchandise… or you support the Eels because their jerseys are usually reduced to $60 by the fifth round.

As most nights at a league game are cold, all of the teams have their own scarves, beanies and jackets you can purchase at a relatively cheap price. These are obviously to be worn with your team’s jersey for a full-on supporter effect. Like you don’t mix patterns in an every day outfit, do not mix teams in your choice of clothing. Wearing a Bunnies jersey and a Cowboys scarf and a Raiders beanie is not funny. I repeat, NOT funny. The amount of times I see people doing this thinking they are Kevin Hart hilarious is saddening.

Now, this next one is going to be specific to women – please, I implore you, do not dress as if you are going out to Kings Cross on a Saturday night at a rugby league game. If you’re there to try and pull men, that’s fine, but in extension to that, you are dampening the spirit of the game and in the process bringing your IQ down by fifty points and making women as a whole look clueless. I know lots of diehard female NRL fans who despise the “fakers” for making them look foolish. It is possible to look great at a league game without overdoing it and looking out of place.

League games or any sport match alike is a perfect excuse if you want to go that step further and don face paint and/or something else outstanding like the Blues wigs at Origin games or body paint. There is no such thing as over-accessorizing when it comes to fan merchandise at games and that’s the thing I love. While I personally choose not to don body paint, I love seeing the team spirit in the crowd with the people that do. It’s diehard fans that make sitting in the stands watching a game that much more entertaining.

If you’re not a diehard supporter of a team and are just going to enjoy the environment with friends, wearing anything is fine.

As a Broncos fan, when I go to a Broncos game, I wear the obvious Broncos jersey, Broncos scarf, a normal pair of jeans and boots and I look fine. If I’m feeling patriotic enough, I will even wear my Broncos “cape-flag” around my neck with pride. For extra oomph, I even have a pull-out “GO BRONCOS/TRY” sign to use at the appropriate times. And thus, the appropriate look is created.

Ta da! #bronxnation

Ta da! #bronxnation

So please, everyone, do yourself a favour and dress appropriately the next time you intend on going to a league game. I’m going to watch the Bunnies vs. the Storm in what is sure to be a 5/5 stellar game between the two sides, and I’m not going to do something as foolish as wear my Broncos gear and call out “GO COREY PARKER!” Widow out!

– by The Black Widow

She’s Not Interested!

Now here’s a piece for the boys! Women are sometimes clueless when men are trying to let them down but the good thing with that is that men are very blunt and straightforward if they aren’t interested. If it’s the other way ’round, however, women (being the more gentle gender) are more subtle with their approach to men and it may be taken the wrong way by the XY kind.

See that big, hulking dude? That's you.

See that big, hulking dude? That’s you.

Well, I’m here to help you this, men. Here are a few things a woman might do, in which case, she is not interested so you may as well pack up your bags and hop along to the next female.

If her SMS responses are a maximum of two words…
She’s not interested. If a girl was interested, I’m sure she’d be happy to tap her fingers a few more times to construct an actual sentence as opposed to “Lol yeah” or “Ha ha”. This is a mistake I see happen more often than it should. Most women are eager to share their thoughts and feelings and would most likely do so in a whole paragraph. A short, two word sentence is generally a polite way to say “Please stop messaging me, I have as much interest in you as I do in a cow made out of cardboard”.

If she’s too busy to spend time with you but has more than enough time be with her friends…
You bet your sweet behind she is not interested in you. In the early stages of a potential relationship, the couple want to be together as much as possible, so if she is “too busy” to be with you but is always hanging out with her friends, well… I could say that “chicks before dicks” comes into play, but that would suggest she actually has an interest in you to begin with.

If she says she’s “seeing a man in the army”…
He’s not real, but her disinterest in you sure is. The long distance army man is the perfect fake excuse to fend off unwanted attention:
1) Relationship, therefore forbidden territory
2) He’s in the army therefore no tangible evidence of the boyfriend is necessary as he’ll be too busy serving the country
3) He’s in the army therefore he will tear you limb from limb if you touch her

If she tells you about other guys she likes…
You have officially been friend-zoned!  If she was interested in you and was just trying to make you jealous, she would drop everything to be with you, so if she isn’t, you are nothing more to her than a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. And Grandma, what big ears you have!

If her friend drags her away from you at a club…
She has officially been “saved” because she had no interest in you in the first place! Women and their friends have this mutual agreement; if an unwanted man approaches a female in a club, the friend of the female will drag her away with some elaborate excuse so not to hurt the man’s feelings. Examples of excuses include “We need to go to the ladies room”, “we’re going to go get a drink” and my personal favourite, “we’re tired and are going to sit down”. They are doing none of the above. They are just getting away from you.

If she suggests one of her friends for you…
Yep. Not interested. “You know who WOULD be good for you though? Meet my friend!” is loosely translated into “I have no interest in you and therefore I am going to sacrifice my friend here just to get away from you”. 9 times out of 10 the friend isn’t interested in you either and is just being used as a scapegoat.

If she tells you how good of a friend you are…
Call the doctors because you have just been hit with a case of friendzone. When girls say “Aww, you’re such a good friend!” you can be sure that they mean exactly that – friend. Nothing more.

Boys, boys, boys… women are interesting creatures that the male mind will never totally grasp. So take my advice and run with it, otherwise you will be rejected and will be thinking “Man I wish I listened to SolSat!”

– by The Black Widow

What is E-fedding?

E-fedding is one of my most favourite hobbies right now and I’m sure 94% of people in the world have never heard of the term e-fedding. If they have, they haven’t gotten a clear idea of what it actually was. Once I was attempting to explain to one of my best friends what e-fedding was, and after giving it a pretty good shot, she says to me “So is it like Tekken?” Clearly, however, my efforts were in vain.

E-fedding in its purest form is online role playing in a wrestling sense; you create a character (or characters, as it were) and roleplay as them in a fictitious wrestling federation, called an “e-fed” (think e-mail, but not mail). The creator (called the handler) manages his or her character’s wrestling career where they may become champions in the federation or even Hall of Famers.

For the sake of argument, I will be using my experiences as an e-fedder in Lords of Pain Wrestling (LPW) and Full Metal Wrestling (FMW) to form the foundation of this article.

When it comes to your character, or characters in my case, you start from scratch; you can create absolutely anyone you want – and I stress that, absolutely anyone. I’ve encountered a character named Cyborg Lincoln, who was a robotic recreation of Abraham Lincoln, to a man named Morpheus who is the Master of the Dream Realm. In the world of e-wrestling, no character is too out there to become an e-wrestler. Besides creating their physical attributes and backstory, you also get to create their wrestling moveset and their wrestling style, but more on that later. I created the characters of Lacey Valentine, the schizophrenic housewife turned sweet-natured poster girl, and April Montenegro, the fiesty Victoria’s Secret model turned wrestler.

Lacey Valentine and April Montenegro form the tag team "The Blondetourage".

Lacey Valentine and April Montenegro form the tag team “The Blondetourage”, using the pic bases of Kelly Kelly and Candice Swanepoel respectively.

If you wanted to see an example of an e-wrestler profile, here are the links to Lacey and April’s Wiki pages:
Lacey Valentine
April Montenegro

LPW follows the “voting and promo” style of e-fedding, in which a handler writes a written piece of prose or any other form of writing and submits it as a “promo”. Their promo goes up against another handler’s promo, who they are placed in a match with, for example: Lacey Valentine vs. Morpheus would see me writing a promo against Morpheus’ handler’s promo. After the “promo” period is over, which is a time frame of when handlers can post their promos, the voting period begins. If a handler does not submit a promo within the promo period, he or she is considered a “no show” in which the showing handler will automatically be handed the win. In the voting period, other handlers vote on which promo was better of the two, three, four, or however many there were in the single match. After the voting period is over, in LPW’s case, the LPW staff gather together and rate the promos in .1 increments between 0 and 5. These ratings are joined with the votes and whoever has the highest score wins the match.

I hope that didn’t go too far over your head. Now, I’d expect some people are wondering “So, after all that writing, these people come to life and fight an actual match?” If that were the case, I would mark out hard. The head writer sends his or her staff match assignments, in which they write a match, going back to the example of Lacey Valentine vs. Morpheus. If I as a handler received more points than Morpheus, the match would be written so that Lacey Valentine would be the winner and the match, along with the other matches and segments, will be posted as a show on the LPW forums (LOPforums).

When it comes to match writing, matches are written based on the characters. Continuing to use Lacey vs. Morpheus as an example, a 5’8 vivacious blonde is not going to have the power to gorilla press a 6’2 265 lbs man in Morpheus, so when creating your character’s moveset, it’s important to take in physical capabilties. With Lacey, her moveset is quick and high-flying which is suitable for a smaller wrestler such as herself. These physical possibilities are taken into consideration so you’ll see Lacey flying all over the place, trying to ground the much bigger Morpheus, and Morpheus would use his strength to try and take the victory.

When handlers are not writing in promos, they can engage in “trash talk”, which is a totally different concept to voting and promos. Trash talking is conversation handlers have in character with other e-wrestlers where they (TA DA) talk trash to each other. This trash talking is not rated in any way (unless there are special circumstances) but it is a way to explain your character further and, of course, talk trash to other wrestlers whom your character may hate.

My e-fedding friend explained it perfectly to me when he said “It’s pretty much competitive writing”. If you’re an excellent writer, your career as an e-fedder will go far compared to someone whose writing isn’t as great. Seeing as I want to write for a living and consider myself a pretty decent writer, my characters (Lacey and April) are the current LPW Tag Team Champions after beating another two handlers in a tag team match contested for the titles.

If there is one thing that I’ve enjoyed the most about e-fedding, it is the people that it has introduced me to. I have made some really good friends through my e-fedding hobby. These guys (as they are all men in my experience) are really down to earth and genuine and it’s interesting to see the difference in personalities in guys that all have the same hobby.

I asked my friend Chris what he thought about E-fedding as a hobby and he had this to say: “I e-fed because it’s an escape. I love writing, and e-fedding allows me to immerse myself in a character and take him in whatever direction I may want to. Unlike writing a novel or a short story, in e-fedding I have to make the character adapt to several characters being written by others in a world controlled by others. To me, it’s reactive writing. It both challenges and entertains me. Not to mention that I have been a wrestling fan for most of my life.”

E-fedding is also a great hobby because it’s a creative outlet for people who want to be creative. I get to roleplay as two fun-loving bubbly blondes and still have the privilege of keeping my manly bits in tact.

Whether you’re interested in joining an e-fed or you didn’t even have the energy to read all of this, I hope this has given an insight as to what e-fedding actually is, so if I tell you “E-fedding is one of my hobbies” and you’re like “What is that?” I can just point you to this instead of having to explain in vain.

– by The Black Widow

My Take on the Fifty Shades Movie

If you’ve been living under a rock or your mind has been too smothered by the whole political vote in Straya, then you wouldn’t know that the roles of Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey have officially been cast for the upcoming Fifty Shades of Grey movie. As a Fifty Shades enthusiast and overall lover, I have my own opinion on the cast and what I like and don’t like about them.

Anastasia Steele
Who they’ve cast: Dakota Johnson

I would imagine her locks would be dyed brown for the role.

I would imagine her locks would be dyed brown for the role.

Who I think they should’ve castMary Elizabeth Winstead

This was (the closest I could get to) my Anastasia.

This was (the closest I could get to) my Anastasia.

I didn’t have a very high opinion of Anastasia to begin with and because, as a reader, you take her perspective, I couldn’t really get a clear image of what she looked like. What I pictured was a somewhat beautiful brunette who bit her lip way too much. Now, this isn’t a knock on Mary Elizabeth because the woman is stunning, no questions asked, but she is the closest I could get to what I thought Anastasia looked like. Now, when Dakota Johnson eventually dyes her hair brown for the role, I can actually see a bit of Anastasia in her, but I’m going to be perfectly honest – I couldn’t care less about the casting of Anastasia because the character is as dull as white walls.

Could Johnson play a good Anastasia? Maybe. I haven’t seen her in anything that I can remember but she has the look to be a “self-conscious and really annoying” character. You can bet your bottom dollar I will be critiquing everything when the movie comes out, and if she doesn’t step up to the plate as Ana, manure will be hitting the ceiling.

Now onto the more important role of the movie…

Christian Grey
Who they’ve cast: 
Charlie Hunnam

Known from his role as Jax on Sons of Anarchy.

Known from his role as Jax on Sons of Anarchy.

Who I think they should’ve cast: Jessie Pavelka

jessie_pavelka_interview_b

This is “my Fifty Shades”, as Ana would say.

While Jessie isn’t really known for his acting chops, I quite frankly do not give a damn. Buy the man some acting lessons if you must because when I pictured Christian in my head, he looked exactly like Jessie Pavelka – albeit a little less happy. So needless to say I was almost outraged when I saw Charlie Hunnam cast in the role because he is not what I had in mind. At all. Ask my parents how outraged I was because they got the brunt of my anger.

In Hunnam’s defense, he is an exceptional actor as I have witnessed on Sons of Anarchy and it’d be interesting for him to shift into the role of the calm and mysterious Christian Grey. If he lets me down, however… manure. Ceiling.

Christian is the main thing I like about the series and I will be absolutely devastated if they don’t get it up to my – and a lot of other readers – standards. So, Hunnam, you have got some VERY big shoes to fill. At the end of the day, I am anxiously waiting for the movie to come out because I am ecstatic to see the world of Anastasia and Christian come to life!

– by The Black Widow