Adult Skills

Over the age of eighteen? Well this article was written for you – unless you have your shit together, than you can ignore all of this. But don’t lie to yourself. If you’re that twenty-something year old who just moved out of their childhood home, or that middle-aged man who just separated and realised that they actually don’t know how to wash their own jocks then read on.

I don’t care if you’re happy to keep letting the people around you do every job that you haven’t bothered to learn; you’re an adult. There are some things that you have to know before it’s too late. But before we continue I admit that I don’t know how to do half of these things, however I am aware that I should.


Is this you?

Is this you?

I don’t expect even the most pro-active of people to be great at this, but if you’re at least able to not make yourself sick then that’s good enough. Cooking is the shit. It satisfies your mind, your tum-tum, and if you get better at it, your ego. Domino’s pizza and two-minute noodles can only satisfy a person for so long; ditching the microwavables and deep-fried crapola means that you’re on your way to becoming a well-balanced adult. Don’t fool yourself buddy; it doesn’t matter how many KFC coupons you’ve saved up, in the long run learning to at least fry an egg will keep your wallet and stomach comfortably full.



How not to clean

What the fuck are you doing mopping the floor with detergent? You obviously didn’t help your parents with the cleaning, did you? You can’t survive simply off of windex and detergent, you need various chemicals for various things. You could ask your parents because they are probably real adults and will help you out. If you don’t want your dishwasher to overflow with bubbles or you’re wanting to get rid of those weird mushrooms growing out of your shower, it’s time to pick up a Chux and read some instructions.


I don’t mean this in a general way like “you’re not an adult unless you read x amount of novels,” but there are some things that might prove helpful to read. The older you get the easier it is to get fat. That grid of numbers on the back of food packages could help you determine what you should eat, how much and why. Buzz-words like “low-fat” and “90% of your daily fibre” may lead you to think that some products are superior, but this deception can vanish when you read its Nutritional Information.

Another thing that should make sense to you is analogue time. For some people it really is a problem. But not every watch and clock in the world has switched over to digital just yet, so don’t assume that you don’t need to know how to read them.

Mend and Spend


Time to get a new shirt

Calm down; you don’t need a sewing machine just yet, but you should have a few things in case of emergencies. Thread, needle, and maybe some buttons will come in handy (On another note: KEEP the spare buttons that come with new clothing). Before planning a trip to K-Mart really look at the damage. If it’s a small hole or a lost button chances are you can mend it yourself rather than spending more mulla.

Another part of being an adult is realising that expensive clothes are just that for a reason. As a rule of thumb these clothes will last longer, assuming you care for it responsibly. It means that instead of getting a pair of skinnys from Target that will last a month or two, you should maybe check out that fancy looking denim boutique.


Even though many adults are still supported by other people (no shame) there is still a certain level of responsibility you have to have. It’s dependent on the person but simply budgeting or tracking what you buy can help you save money. This is a tip I’ve heard over and over again but it still rings true: When you think of buying something, think of what you would rather be given by somebody else; that thing or the equivalent in money?

Always making sure you have some sort of income is essential to live a good life, this means not quitting a job before you find a new one, remembering to report to Centrelink or even being grateful for the money someone else is supporting you with.

Long story short: Money keeps you alive, always make sure you have a steady supply of it.

Listen to your body


Ow! My spraying hand

After eighteen years of your life you should be used to your own body, but sometimes it’s easy to forget that you are responsible for it. It seems like common sense but sometimes we neglect going to the doctors and certain specialists because of the time, effort, and expenses that come with it. These things can exponentially rise if left alone; toothaches can turn into expensive root-canal procedures, intolerances can lead to severe allergies. And the routine things we have to do; pap smears, STD checks and breast exams are things that could potentially save your life. Keep up with your checkups.

Wrap A Present

Seriously, it’s not funny anymore. Nobody likes a nice present bundled up in butchers paper and masking tape.

−  by Josefina Huq

The Different Paths to a Man’s Heart

“The way to a man’s heart is through stomach and sports.”
Two Can Play That Game, 2001

The wise words of Shante Smith are so accurate. Ladies, pay good attention to this. You see that guy over there that you’ve been dying to make yours but you don’t know how to seize him, leash him and place a nice “OWNED” sticker on his forehead? (NOTE: not really). SolSat is here to help you win a man’s heart.

Do as I say and you will have your man in the palm of your hand, much like Shonte here.

Do as I say and you will have your man in the palm of your hand, much like Shante here.

A man’s gotta eat!
Men like to eat. Men like food. Men like to eat food. Now don’t take this as a sexist “I am not becoming a 50s housewife and delegating myself back to the kitchen” kind of thing because it’s not like that. It’s simple: men love food. Surprise the man with your stellar cooking skills and invite him over for a fabulous dinner. If you are kitchenally challenged, don’t worry – if you have to sneak in some takeaway through the back door, slap it on a plate and call it your own, go for it. The happier the man’s stomach, the happier the man. Ask around for his favourite dish and “just happen” to cook that for him and he’ll be putty in your hand.

Up the Broncos!
Can I just say that anyone who has the same passion and fire for rugby league will automatically shoot into my favourites list, especially if they have the same love for the Broncos, All Blacks or any of my other sporting teams. Most men love their sports or at least have an interest in it, and nothing is sexier than a woman who knows the difference between league and union or how to kick a solid 40m conversion. In saying that, don’t go out of your way to impress him with sports knowledge if you literally have none – nothing is more painful to watch than girls babbling about how they love sports and the only athlete they know is Sonny Bill Williams. Bitch please. NOTE: don’t overdo it, otherwise you might friendzone yourself.

The endangered species of the girl gamer
Just as much as men love sports, they also love their video games – if not made apparent by the gazillions of “He broke my heart so I broke his Xbox”-esque pages on Facebook. Wow the man with your team deathmatch skills on COD and your impressive knowledge on the Tarkatan clan from Mortal Kombat.  Just the same as sports, don’t over do it in case of friendzoning.

Love me, love me, say that you love me
No I am not advocating you walk up to a random man at a bar and say “Oh my god I think I love you”. That’s creepy. No, what I’m saying is to appreciate your desired man by complimenting him and making him feel as if he’s the only one.  While this sounds very feminine and most men wouldn’t openly admit to feeling like this, the truth is that most men like being treated like royalty and will most likely want to wife you if you do so.

Most importantly: be yourself
I know this may seem a bit contradictory as it appears that I’m telling you to change yourself for the sake of a man, but that’s not my intention. If you don’t want to get off your arse and cook or watch a game of footy, don’t. However, it’s always wise to use your talents and knowledge to your advantage. Men (at least, the good ones) can see through an act so if you’re trying too hard to be someone you aren’t, they’ll see through that and be turned off. Nothing is more appealing than a woman who is comfortable in her own skin and does not apologise for being herself. Men will appreciate this and will like this about you.

In interviewing some men for this post, I found a couple that said “they aren’t won over too easily”, so follow my rules and that man will change his ways and be putty in your hands. Putty, I tells ya.

– by The Black Widow