Sex Talk: the Mechanics of a Threesome

No, I’m not talking about playing three-player on Mario Kart 64 either.

Welcome to the first edition of Sex Talk, where we talk about what kind of pastels work well with these boots sex. Today’s topic: threesomes. You know, when there are more than two people in the room engaging in sexual acts.

A friend of mine recently participated in a threesome and told me about his/her experience. After listening to his/her story, I was under the impression that the basic mechanics of how a threesome “should” work may not be as widely known as I expected because the threesome didn’t turn out as well as it probably could have.

Typically speaking, threesomes occur when a couple want to broaden their horizons and therefore invite another individual into their budois. (REALLY hope someone caught that Will and Grace reference). It can be a good thing for a couple to do for a couple of reasons: 1) One might be worried about the other’s wandering eye and therefore initiates a threesome so that their lover can explore someone else’s sexuality within the boundaries of the relationship and; 2) The spark in their sexual relationship may be dying and so having a threesome might revive their sex life and make it that much better for all parties involved.

Despite its sexual nature, this picture's still kinda cute. (SOURCE: Image by © Ben Welsh/zefa/Corbis)

Despite its sexual nature, this picture’s still kinda cute. Like, look at their serious faces. (SOURCE: Image by © Ben Welsh/zefa/Corbis)

But the question remains: what should and shouldn’t you do in a threesome? To make it easier for you to read, I’m going to break it down into two parts: the couple and the third wheel, so if you fit into either category, you can easily locate what you probs can and can’t do. Featuring The Charge and The Lover (The Couple), and the Third Wheel (the other person).

The Couple (The Charge and the Lover)
DO set some ground rules for the threesome. Stick to something you feel comfortable about. For example, The Charge could be comfortable with The Lover performing sexual acts with the Third Wheel, but not with kissing.
DON’T get jealous of your lover getting intimate with the Third Wheel. If those feelings arise, a threesome is definitely not the thing for you to re-spark your sex life. May I suggest dressing up as Batman and Catwoman and chasing each other around the room?
DO communicate with The Lover and the Third Wheel during the threesome to find out what you like/dislike and what they like/dislike.
DON’T treat a threesome as a competition with the Third Wheel. You are not racing to see who can please The Lover the most. What happens if you lose, hmmmmmm?
DO interact with both The Lover and the Third Wheel. I mean, you might as well since they’re there. No one person should be the main focus point of this sexual activity.
DON’T focus your attention on one person (either The Lover or the Third Wheel). That’s when shit hits the fan. DO find an open-minded Third Wheel to participate with.
DON’T find a Third Wheel who you know. Third Wheels should ideally be someone you don’t know so no one gets attached to anyone they shouldn’t be. And no awkward moments happen when you see your mate the next day and you say “Hey I really like that thing you did with your back last night. See you at work!”

The Third Wheel
DO respect the boundaries of The Couple. You are there solely to accommodate the needs of The Charge and The Lover. Don’t make this about yourself.
DON’T intrude too much. If you find The Couple are a bit more reserved than you thought, maybe it’s a good idea for you to sit back and watch and wait. They may need to loosen up a bit more.
DO pay equal amounts of attention to The Charge and The Lover. It’s sweet and complimentary.
DON’T complain or demand something. There is no way of putting this nicely. You are there as a piece of meat. No one is getting attached to you in any kind of romantic way, so don’t demand a cuddle or a cigarette because when your job is done, it’s done.
DO explore your sexuality. Use this as an opportunity to experiment and find out what you like and don’t like. You might find that threesomes aren’t your thing, and at least you learned that firsthand, right?
DON’T try and outperform either The Charge or The Lover. Just don’t.

If you have any other sex topics you would like discussed on Widow’s Lure, feel free to contact us via e-mail. Throw us a message with “Sex Talk” in the subject line to Here’s to a happy threesome!

– by Noah La’ulu

Dating Nikki: The “right time”

Dear Nikki,

I have been on a couple of dates with this guy that I really like. We’ve kissed and have had an enormous amount of chemistry. We’re going on our third date this weekend and I’m really nervous. I think he’s expecting us to have sex and I think it’d be best if I give it to him although I don’t think I’m ready. I’m worried he might leave me if I don’t give him what he wants. When do you think it is appropriate to have sex for a dating couple?  My friends have told me that having sex on the third date is “slutty” and that I should wait until I’m ready.

Please help!

Wishful Thinking Dater


Dating Noah responds to its first cry for help!

Dating Noah responds to its first cry for help!

Dear Wishful Thinking Dater,

What is the “right time” to put out for a dating couple? To sum it up in five words: there is no right time.

Whenever you feel you’re ready to take that next step and give that part of you to him, go for it. Don’t feel pressured by him or your friends just because of what they will think of you regarding your decision. There is no set time limit for when you “have” to have sex. Don’t listen to all those sources that believe in the “second date rule” or even the “hold out until you’re married” rule. You do what is best for you. If you’re comfortable having sex on this third date, go for it. If you’d be more comfortable to have sex on the twentieth date, then do it on the twentieth date. Neither makes you slutty nor prudish; it just means you’re in charge of your body and you will do whatever the hell you want with it. Hell, people have sex on the first date, and that is perfectly okay. Everyone’s limits are different… no two human beings are the same!

If the bloke you’re seeing truly respects you and is ultimately the right man for you, he will respect your wishes and wait for whenever both of you are completely ready to take the plunge (sexual pun not intended at this time). If he tries to pressure you into doing things that you don’t want to, then dump his ass on the kerb because he ain’t the right man for you. Then again, he might not even be ready so you may be creating problems in your mind that aren’t even there.

Alternatively, if you are open-minded about doing some other raunchy things, set out some boundaries between you and your man if and when the time arises. By that, I don’t mean walk into your date and say “You can touch me down there with your fingers and that’s it… by the way, what’s for dinner?” When the situation gets hot and heavy, that’s when you bust out the limits. A true gentleman will respect that about you and will be more than happy to cater to your needs.

The moral of the story is this: you are in charge of your body and your womanly needs; not him, not your friends, not even good ol’ #DatingNoah here. Do it whenever you feel is right. When the right time comes along, I can assure you that your act of fornication will be that much more fantastic than if you did it when you weren’t too comfortable with your decision.

I hope this sets your mind at ease. Go out and have fun this weekend… and go the Broncos!

– by The Black Widow

If you have a question or need some good ol’ fashioned blunt advice from #DatingNikki, use the Contact page on our website and put in your comment “Subject: Dating Nikki” or alternatively send me an e-mail at and put “Dating Nikki” in the subject line. I will respond to your cries for help as soon as possible!