Tag Archives: romance

Review: Layla

Posted in Books, Entertainment by

No, we’re not reviewing former Divas Champion Layla El.

My obsession with Colleen Hoover books, despite the fact that they’re mostly unhinged and the twists are deeper than my love for Real Housewives, I was eager to pick up as many Hoover books as I could with my aforementioned Sarah gift card.

Continuing on in my quest of reading Hoover books, my adventure took me to Layla. This fictional novel tells the story of Leeds (Colleen looooves to pick unique names for her protagonists), a man who meets a deliciously eccentric woman named Layla and in true fashion, they fall in love. After a tragic accident puts Layla in the hospital, Leeds is by his woman’s side, helping her to recover. However, the scarring of the accident has changed Layla both emotionally and mentally, so Leeds goes to the troubles of trying to find the love back that he had prior to the accident.

Sorry, that isn’t the silhouette of former DIvas Champion Layla El.


Okay so, Layla wasn’t what I expected at all.

Besides reading the blurb on the back, I had no prior knowledge or expectations of the book so I went in with a fresh mind. Maybe bar the fact that because the title is just a feminine first name, I assumed it was going to be similar to Verity. Boy was I bloody wrong.

Without giving too much away, Hoover tried dabbling in the supernatural when she wrote Layla. I think she did a fair job if this was her first time in doing so, but from a personal standpoint, I prefer the realism of her thriller stories, so I wasn’t particularly the biggest fan of the supernatural touch to this book. I guess, in addition to that, it probably means I wasn’t the biggest fan of the book altogether.

Layla is written well as is to be expected by Colleen Hoover, and the characters are well fleshed out, which is to be commended. I think it’s important to mention that while I think the ‘slightly eccentric yet doesn’t know she’s beautiful’ archetype is a bit overdone and borderline unbelievable, that the character of Layla was actually very likeable. (If you’ve read this book, then take that sentence very literally.) Leeds was alright, I guess.

I also liked the isolation of the main characters at the B&B location so it meant that the storyline wasn’t too affected by the outside world, and of course, the sentimental reason behind this location to the characters was cute.

Because the big twist, and a main portion of the storyline, revolved around the supernatural, I just wasn’t as much of a fan of it as I probably could have been. When I inevitably got to the big reveal towards the end, I remember scoffing and saying “Ugh, really?”

Wid-o-meter
Storyline: 6/10
Style of writing: 8/10
Overall: 7/10

I think, if I can offer my readers any kind of advice before going into reading Layla, is to go in with low-to-no expectations, and if you’ve read Hoover’s other works, then go in knowing that what you’re about to read will be like nothing else you’ve read of hers. I think this was my downfall tbh.

Happy reading, lovebugs!

– by The Black Widow

Review: Never Never

Posted in Books, Entertainment by

Another Colleen Hoover mindfuck coming at you.

First of all, I’d like to start this review by thanking my dear friend Sarah who bought me a Dymocks gift card for my birthday. This considerate gift was emailed to me, and even though I starred the email, I swiftly forgot about it. Until the memory of having an almost expiring gift card whacked me, and in my haste to make sure I used this gift card, I bought a stack of books, including Never Never by Colleen Hoover and Tarryn Fisher.

Never Never is a romance mystery novel telling the story of Charlie Wynwood and Silas Nash who have been best friends since childhood and grew up loving each other. And then suddenly, one day, neither of them can remember anything about themselves or each other. Charlie and Silas realise they need to work together to figure out what happened to them, before it’s too late.

nevernever

Let me tell you right now that I am a major Colleen Hoover mark. In fact, I spent majority of my gift card on Colleen Hoover books, and the premise of Never Never really struck me. I like a bit of romance, I love a bit of mystery, and to combine them both? Wow. This was also my first opportunity to read some of Tarryn Fisher’s work, and I am always a fan of authors collaborating on work.

Never Never was definitely a page turner. The mystery of why the main characters suddenly just lost their memory was so captivating, and then going on the journey with them to not only figure out what happened to them, but also try and piece together their own lives was very interesting. I don’t think I’ve ever seen or heard of this concept being done before in both book and cinema, so I was definitely intrigued to the point that I stayed up til 1 or 2 in the morning to finish this book across two nights.

When I eventually read on and found out the reason why they had lost their memories, I was incredibly… underwhelmed. I won’t spoil it for anyone who wants to read it, but in my mind, I had built it up to be something big or shocking, and to me, it was neither big nor shocking.

A big thing for me, which I’m sure I’ve highlighted in other book reviews, is that I tend to find the female protagonist of romance novels annoying. I don’t know if it’s because authors are unintentionally perpetuating negative female stereotypes, but romance novel females are always whiney, insufferable and unaware of others around them. Colleen Hoover does a great job of making her heroines feel real, and have a likeable quality about them.

Charlie was very much a likeable book heroine. Her character was written to be layered and quite complex, which was a stark contrast to the Charlie pre-forgetting which seemed to be a bit one-dimensional. Her male counterpart Silas (Colleen really likes her pepelo male character names) also served his role well as the book hero, written to be charming, caring and handsome, but not unrealistically so, and was the optimistic golden retriever compared to Charlie’s pessimistic black cat.

The style of writing flowed very well between both authors, to the point where I had forgotten that one author had penned Charlie while the other had penned Silas. I believe Tarryn was Charlie, and Colleen was Silas, but I could be wrong. The language used from both authors evoked vivid imagery, and real emotions and feelings where you really connected to both Charlie and Silas.

Wid-o-meter
Storyline: 7/10
Style of writing: 8/10
Overall: 7.5/10

All in all, the book was great, and I would recommend it to others, especially if you’re into an interesting conglomeration of romance and mystery. I wouldn’t say it’s my favourite work of Colleen Hoover, but that isn’t really saying much seeing as Colleen is always hitting 10’s with her stories.

– by The Black Widow

Dating Nikki: Red Flags and Bad Dates

Posted in Dating Nikki, Lifestyle by

They both come hand-in-hand really.

We’ve all heard the term ‘red flag’, and we all have our own individual red flags that we see in other people. For example, one of my biggest red flags is someone who is rude or dismissive to someone who works in hospitality or retail, whereas someone else might not view that as a red flag. I don’t know why you wouldn’t but okay.

As you navigate the dating world in your own time, I’m sure you have come across someone that displays one (or more) of your own red flags, and you’re not quite sure how to deal with it.



Let’s set the scene: you’re talking to someone on a dating app and from your online conversations, you seem to really like the person and vibe with their energy. So you agree to meet them in person at a bar or at a cafe.

You show up to the venue and you see them. The physical attraction was there over the app, but now it’s going through the roof. You can’t believe you’ve scored the jackpot with this person. You greet them and sit down from them, ready to begin your date.

And then the red flags start showing. They chew with their mouth open. They burp in public and laugh about it. They pronounce the word ‘appreciate’ like uh-pree-see-ate. Suddenly the physical attraction you saw in them starts dwindling and dwindling, to the point that you cannot wait to get away from them.

If you don’t think this situation is possible, I can attest to you that it most definitely is, because I have been a prime example of this.

For the sake of this story, let’s say his name is Baden. I had messaged Baden for a week on a dating app and he seemed lovely. He had asked me if I was interested in meeting up over coffee, and I was receptive to the idea. I went to meet him and he 1) looked like his pictures, tick, 2) greeted me politely in a friendly manner, tick and 3) seemed to vibe well with me, tick.

And then as the waiter came to clear our table, he started obnoxiously barking orders at them. Giant red flag for me. I shrugged off the first interaction as ‘maybe a once off’, but he did it again, and again. At this point, I had so many red flags waving at me that I decided I did not want to see this man ever again and I wanted this date to end as quickly as possible.

I think it’s totally within your right to stop a date whenever you’re feeling uncomfortable, regardless of your reasons, and if your red flags are the reason you wish to terminate the date, then my advice to you is to go ahead and do it but try to do it as respectfully as possible. Honest and open communication is always better than ‘playing the game’ and ghosting the other individual because you’re too scared to have that confrontation. I would heavily prefer someone tell me directly that they no longer wish to pursue anything with me, than ghost me and leave it up to me and my mind to figure out what happened.

Honestly, just cut your losses. If this person exhibited some red flags, it means they’re not right for you, and as they say… there are plenty of fish in the sea. Or whatever.

And if you’re wondering how my date ended, let’s just say I took a page out of Andie Anderson’s book and sabotaged the date on purpose so I never had to see him again. I was young, alright? I would’ve done a whole lot better if I had this advice back then!

Watch out for red flags, and happy dating y’all!

– by The Black Widow

If you have a question or need some good ol’ fashioned blunt advice from #DatingNikki, use the Contact page on our website and put in your comment “Subject: Dating Nikki”, or alternatively send me an e-mail at widowslure@gmail.com and put “Dating Nikki” in the subject line. I will respond to your cries for help as soon as possible!

Dating, With an FP

Posted in Lifestyle by

Having BPD + a platonic FP = a non-existent dating life.

Navigating love can be challenging as it is, but trying to have a healthy dating life when you have a personality disorder like BPD can make it even harder. 

As a quick refresher, an FP (or favourite person) to someone who has BPD is the most important person of their life, whether they’re conscious of this or not. Their whole mood revolves around this person, so if they’re on good terms with the FP, then it’s all happy days; if things aren’t great between the borderline and the FP, then the whole world is against them and everything sucks. (You can read more about my personal experiences with FPs at this link here.)

FPs can be in the form of a romantic partner, but if you’re like me, your FP manifests in platonic friends, family members, or even celebrities. This is where the main issue that I personally face arises when it comes to dating.

Love sucks. Adding an FP makes it suck even more. (CREDIT: eltpics’s Flickr photostream)

To set the scene, for example, let’s say I’m dating someone named Oliver. We’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months and everything there is going great. However, my FP is my friend named Bruno. While there is no sexual or romantic attraction to Bruno, he has become my entire life and my happiness solely depends on Bruno, and I constantly want to be around Bruno – even moreso than Oliver.

And thus there lies the problem. Even though I’m dating Oliver and there is a genuine romantic interest in Oliver, in my head, Oliver doesn’t even compare to Bruno. 

To be completely transparent, I am 29-years-old and still don’t know how to completely navigate life and relationships as someone with BPD, and I definitely am not an expert on navigating love and dating with a platonic FP. Currently speaking, I have a platonic FP and because my focus is so centered on him, I find it very difficult to even attempt a dating life.

From the outside looking in, it is very easy to assume that I have romantic feelings for my FP because my mind essentially becomes obsessed with them. I get it. I truly get it. In fact, growing up without the diagnosis, I had always assumed my strong feelings for my FP were romantic when that isn’t necessarily the case. I’m constantly seeking his approval and validation, my senses are almost heightened whenever he’s around, and I’m acutely aware of every small thing that is happening when he’s near. On the flipside, when he does the tiniest thing that could lead my borderline mind to think he’s abandoning me, all of a sudden he’s the worst person and I’m thrown into a bout of depression just because of this one man. 

Taking all of this into consideration, the normal person with little to no understanding of BPD could hypothesise that I in fact am harbouring romantic feelings for my FP. And while it’s true that I crave their attention and would be happy (or irrationally angry) by having them constantly around me, that’s where it ends for me. I can’t picture myself in a relationship with my FP, or getting intimate with them, or even building a life with them that wasn’t strictly as friends.

Passing it back to my love life, it’s essentially non-existent. I’m not seeing anyone, talking to anyone, or engaging in conversation with the attempt to bonk with anyone. It’s completely dead, and I’m not sad or miserable about it at all. I have Tinder downloaded on my phone, and every now and then I’ll swipe through profiles for about 10 seconds, and then close the app. During this rinse-repeat cycle that I’ve established, I’ll get matches, but I won’t do anything about it because my heart’s not in it. It’s as if I’m going through the motion because it’s expected of me as a young, attractive 20-something-old to want to date and find that special someone. But the truth is I don’t really want to, because I make myself happy, and if I don’t, then my FP will.

If I’m invited to an event where I get a plus one, I immediately think of bringing my FP as my date. If someone were to ask me to think of someone special in my life that I want to give a gift to, you guessed it, my FP shoots to my mind. 

It’s almost self sabotage, really. I’m blocking myself from potentially finding happiness with Oliver, because my mind is too fixated with Bruno. It’s like paying attention to one plant too much that you neglect the second plant that is withering and dying.

I’m working hard to try and set boundaries with my FP so I’m not as reliant or co-dependent on them to find happiness. I know I can find happiness in myself and with other friends and family, but sometimes I feel like that can be dramatically shifted because of a tiny incident with my FP. Establishing these boundaries with my FP, and hopefully in turn they establish boundaries with me, opens up the possibilities for me to seek independence from them and pursue potential relationships with others.

Boundaries that I am endeavouring to set for myself, which you could also use if you feel like you’re in a similar boat as me, include:
– Creating distance, both physically and emotionally, between us if I think my feelings and emotions are becoming heightened;
– Relying on others for emotional support that I’d usually expect from my FP, sometimes unfairly;
– Practicing mindfulness when I start to feel like my FP is my entire life and I can’t function without him;
– Willfully acknowledging that my FP is a friend and nothing more than that, so I am able to pursue a romantic relationship without feeling guilty;
– Most importantly, acknowledging and validating my own feelings.

I am aware that my FP isn’t my entire life, and before we met, I was existing perfectly fine. Just like a romantic partner should, an FP is meant to enhance my life, not hinder it (even with BPD). Keeping this in mind will only assist me in searching for a life outside of them.

– by The Black Widow