You Know What Sh!ts Me?: Society Hates Sick People

Posted in Opinion, What Sh!ts Me by

I write this from my bed, a bed that has become refuge for the last week or so. Half-drunk tea cups and soup bowls accumulate high in the surrounding area, protected by a fence of snotty tissues and Soothers wrappers. And as if this wasn’t bad enough, this hell of chilling and scolding fever, I have to prove to the people around me that I’m legitimately on the brink of death.

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People get sick, quite often I might add. As far as medicine has come in our existence there is still no cure for the common cold or for the viruses that have caused my tonsillitis. I do not blame the medical or scientific community for this. There are some crappy things that just become part of life and having the flu a couple times a year is one of them. However, society itself does not tolerate this common human affliction.

Why is it that just because I have an assignment due for uni today (which I have completed) and work tomorrow morning that I still feel this guilt for not being able to make it to either of these places? For example, the e-mail I sent to my tutor this morning was a mess of sorrys and reassurances that I will give him a medical certificate. If I am sick, the first priority should be that I get better, not that I have to prove my degree of sickness, but somehow this makes sense: if I’m too sick to leave the house and hand in work at university then I should somehow not be too sick to leave the house to go to the doctors and get a certificate.

I can’t call my boss and simply tell her I can’t come in because I’m sick; instead, I end up saying something along the lines of: “I’m so so so so sorry, I could maybe come in for a couple of hours,” but in my head I’m thinking: “What? I’m sick, I need rest, why am I saying these things?”

I understand that being sick inconveniences a lot of people; my boss will have to find somebody else to work and my tutor will have to wait to grade my assessment, but if we all know that this happens to everyone quite regularly than there should be allowances and backup plans made. Above all we shouldn’t be made to feel this insane guilt when we’re already feeling intense sickness.

I should mention that I’m really jaded about this topic because at one time in my life being sick nearly cost me my job. I worked at a cafe for a while, and after being there for about a month the boss gave me a raise for my hard work. At this point the boss seemed awesome. A couple months later I get sick and call him to say so, which he then replies with ‘That’s okay, you should come in anyway.’ So I do, and for that week I work as hard as I can, when I only have about 60% of my usual energy and 189% of the mucus. At the end of the week he tells me that he is thinking of firing me because I had been ‘slacking off at work even after I was given a raise.’

A lot of questions arise from this one incident, but the main one for me was: what happened in this man’s life to make him think that making a sick person work would be okay? The answer, I have to assume, is the world we live in. A world where there must be billions of people sick at this very second but they are all being treated like a horse with a broken hoof.

I know this seems like a really big ‘what grinds my gears’ article, but I am very seriously curious to know if anyone feels the same. I understand that these practices are put in place for the whole of society to be more efficient, but on a personal level it seems like such a sacrifice.

− by Josefina Huq

Easily Influenced But Not Easily Persuaded

Posted in Opinion by

I’m sure this title is going to confuse most.

Remember back in the day when all of the 90s kids were in their teens and all the fads came along (if you need a reminder of these fads, allow me to redirect you to this). The people that know me the best know that I am particularly unfazed by anything that becomes “cool” in popular culture. When guys grew their fringes out and bought womens skinny jeans from Supre, I had a fro and wore pink t-shirts. When people decided to “drop it” to dubstep music, I took my clothes off to country.

In summary, I have never really been phased by phases.

In saying that, I am putty in certain people’s hands; by certain people, I mean admired celebrities. People think I have adapted my own sense of style and sass but what it really comes down to is how my highly-adored celebrities dressed and behaved. One of my most trademark things to wear is fur, most notably, fluffy leg warmers that you’d usually see at a rave. It wasn’t as if one day I woke up and decided it’d be cool to look like a walking polar bear. Instead, this trend that has turned my wardrobe into a PETA enthusiasts nightmare if the fur was real, was inspired by a seven minute wrestling match at Survivor Series 2005 between Trish Stratus and Melina, the latter of which came out looking fierce and foxy in white fluffy leg warmers.

After seeing this, as if you wouldn't want to wear white fluffy leg warmers.

After seeing this, as if you wouldn’t want to wear white fluffy leg warmers. (SOURCE: WWE.com)

One time late last year I thought it’d be a jolly idea to dye my hair red, as in bright OMG MY EYES red. Everybody knows that someone with my skin complexion has a 2% chance of pulling off bright red hair. Why did I chance such a daring move then? Because Eva Marie has red hair, of course. If that woman jumped off a cliff wearing a burlap sack, I would join her and ask if she wanted a glass of water at the same time. One lovely hair dyeing session later with my fabulous hairdresser friend Kallie, and my hair was officially bright red. Some people liked it, some didn’t, and I was on the fence about it. But it didn’t matter, because I was one step closer to Eva Marie.

#allredeverything (SOURCE: Eva Marie Instagram)

#allredeverything (SOURCE: Eva Marie Instagram)

Let’s not even talk about my fascination with split-leg jeans or hot pants matched with Chuck Taylors and ripped punky shirts, because AJ Lee is clearly my inspiration for that.

I imagine I wouldn't look this skinny if I wore this outfit. (SOURCE: WWE.com)

I imagine I wouldn’t look this skinny if I wore this outfit. (SOURCE: WWE.com)

I think this paints one clear picture about the type of person I am – I secretly want to be a WWE Diva. While I am very happy and content with being a man, I wouldn’t say no to being AJ Lee for a day. Oh, and if you’re a fabulous celebrity that specialises in wrestling, country music, Doctor Who or pole dancing, I am pretty much yours.

– by The Black Widow

You Know What Sh!ts Me?: Facebook Laundromats

Posted in Opinion, What Sh!ts Me by

You know what really shits me?

Today’s topic: Facebook laundromats… in other words, people who constantly put their dirty laundry on Facebook.

When Facebook politely asks you in that little clever box at the top of your newsfeed “What’s on your mind?”, they don’t really want to know what’s on your mind. It is not an invitation to delve deep into your inner psyche and let it all out for the whole world and their pets to find out.

No one cares about your dirty laundry. Not this chick. She's reading a book. (SOURCE: Gideon's Flickr photostream)

No one cares about your dirty laundry. Not this chick. She’s reading a book. (SOURCE: Gideon’s Flickr photostream)

Some people have trouble differentiating between what is appropriate to post on Facebook and what isn’t appropriate… and uploading a status talking about how your boyfriend left you and you wish nothing but death upon him is actually very inappropriate. But who cares? Whatever works, right?

WRONG.

What you are doing is creating unnecessary drama by putting your personal problems out there for everyone to see. What you are doing is giving people more ammunition to use against you in case the opportunity ever arise. What you are doing is making a complete fool of yourself by turning to social media for sympathy when your best friend is just a simple phone call away.

My philosophy on this is simple: if you are my friend, I care about you. If you have a problem, I will do my best to help you with your problem. If you post this problem on Facebook and expect sympathy from me, stop wasting your time because zero fucks are given about your issue when you’re waving it around on social media.

You know the saying (however it goes)… “people don’t care about your problems, they just want to know what’s going on.” It applies to this very case. What you may think is a very cryptic status could very well paint a larger picture than you intended. “Feels alone :(” could easily translate into “My girlfriend won’t spend time with me because I’m an arsehole and now I regret it.” Your attempt at being incognito failed. Maybe you would have been better off not saying anything at all, huh?

What shits me even more is when these people who air their dirty laundry for the world to see are confused as to why people think it’s okay to involve themselves into their drama. I don’t know, whose fault is it – the idiot who made it publicly viewable for everyone to see and therefore have an opinion on, or Barney the dinosaurs? Definitely not Barney. If you don’t want people to involve themselves in your personal drama, DON’T INVOLVE THEM BY PUTTING IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA. It’s really quite simple, actually.

If you have problems like I’m sure everyone does, seek out help personally. Even if we live in the digital age, driving to your mate’s place or calling your mum late at night to help you has not gone out of fashion. In fact, I’m sue you could resolve a problem easier that way than asking however many Facebook friends you have for advice because they won’t care… they’ll just want to know what’s going on.

So, everyone on Facebook, I have five words for you that should have a long-lasting effect on you: think about what you post.

– by The Black Widow

Satisfashion: Coloured suits for men

Posted in Lifestyle, Satisfashion by

Hey guys, are you looking to stand out in a spectacular way?

Gents, if you have a formal event coming up and you want to make a statement, maybe a coloured suit is the way to go.

Men’s formal fashion is very basic: you chuck on some slacks, a button up shirt, some nice pleather shoes, and Bobsuruncle. Ties, blazers and sleek aviators optional. It is because of this that men don’t usually put much thought into what they’re going to wear at formal occasions, and to me, that is quite sad. It is possible for a man to outshine his beautiful female partner if he does it well.

Plus, to a woman, a man in a nice suit is the equivalent to a woman in skimpy lingerie to a man.

My best mate Rachel and I. This was four years ago and I look the same.

My best mate Rachel and I. This was four years ago and I look the same.

If you want to take formal dress just that extra bit further, however, coloured suits are becoming more frequent nowadays. They come in very obvious colours like lime green, royal blue and SolSat magenta – the latter of which being owned by yours truly.

Wearing a coloured suit is just like wearing a coloured dress for a lady; the suit is the statement so the extra additionals should compliment that statement and present it accordingly. If you plan on wearing a royal blue coloured suit, please for the love of Grace Kelly, do not try to compliment it with a red shirt and a yellow tie. You will look like a children’s finger painting gone wrong.

For a coloured suit, use basic shades to compliment your suit so that the suit is the most outstanding part of your outfit. Wear whites, greys, and blacks in your outfit; a blue suit would look smashing with a black button-up shirt and a white bow tie. If you’re daring enough, compliment the suit with a different shade of the same colour. A hot pink suit matched with a white button-up and a baby pink neck tie would look deadset phenom.

I wore a hot pink coloured suit to my year 12 graduation formal and was nominated for best dressed for my outfits. The light accents of a black shirt with a light silver neck tie complimented the outfit and made the pink suit the ultimate highlight of the outfit.

Guys, if you have a wedding coming up or something else of formal importance, don’t hesitate to try a coloured suit out. When done correctly, they can look just out of this world.

Just don’t try cross-colour. It is truthfully heinous.

– by The Black Widow