Tag Archives: dating

Dating Nikki: Casual dating

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This one is for the commitment-troubled or those resistant to relationships who still want that lovey dovey feeling. Or just someone to spoon at night.

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So you want to go out on dinner dates and watch a movie with someone in the backseat but you don’t want anything to be “too serious” or long-term. While you may have been frowned upon and even christened with a bright red A previously, in the 21st century, that is a completely normal thing to want. If you’re not already familiar with the term, let me introduce you to “casual dating.”

Life and casual dating according to Nikki
What is casual dating?
Casual dating is when you date one or more people at the same time in a casual and relaxed state, and I mean date in the literal sense – you go out and play putt putt together, or go for a nice hike in the mountains together. Casual dating isn’t used to find that “special somebody” but more for getting to know other people better in a more intimate manner. And yes, you could be banging your casual dates at the same time as well. Casual dating can also be used to find what qualities you want and don’t want in a potential special someone.

What are the benefits of casual dating?
You can see several people at the same time without feeling guilty for cheating. While people may think casual dating is just a term used for “being a slut”, it really isn’t if it’s done properly. Like I said before, it’s a great way to pinpoint certain qualities you would want in a future partner, without getting too serious that you feel pressured to take the next step with them.

How do I go about casual dating?
After you’ve done making that connection with someone, ask them out on a date. However, a huge disclaimer should be made at the beginnings of this budding friendship that you aren’t looking for anything serious. It would be severely awkward if you’re going in looking for a bit of young, innocent fun and the other person is looking for their eternal lover. Once it’s settled, hang out together, cuddle, whatever. The limits are endless.

What should I know about casual dating before I dive in?
The traditional romance enthusiasts don’t think highly of casual dating as they think it’s borderline promiscuous. To them, I say: it’s the 21st century. Just like female celebrities of nowadays don’t act like the female starlets of Grace Kelly’s era, society has changed with time. Casual dating is okay. Judging is not. Also, you may develop actual feelings for someone you are casually dating. If this happens, don’t be alarmed – that’s normal. If a committed relationship is a mutual agreement, do it.

If you need any suggestions for casual dates, the same rules would apply to a couple who are looking for a committed relationship. Go bowling. Go out to dinner. Go for a walk on the beach. Enjoy yourself.

– by The Black Widow

Dating Nikki: Second dates (and their myths!)

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Congratulations! You’ve made it past the first date – now what?

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The all-important second date has its hype for a reason – it’s commonly seen as the make or break for a potential relationship. Sure, your first date went fine enough that you’ve decided to see each other again, but that is based purely off first impressions and “clicking”. The second date, however, will take you more in-depth with your date (no sexual pun intended) so it’s on this date that you will regularly find something you really like or dislike about your date.

However, there are a few second date myths that I would like to personally squash right now.

Second Date Myth #1: It’s okay for me to put out now since it’s not the first date.
WRONG! Don’t let someone else’s anti-first-date-sex opinion affect your decision as to whether or not you go all the way on the second date. If you want to do it on the first date, why not? Nothing wrong with that, just like there’s nothing wrong with having sex on the third date or the seventh date or the night of your wedding. On the other end of the spectrum, don’t go into your second date thinking “I’m definitely getting some tonight.” Don’t be a pig. Oink oink.

Second Date Myth #2: I don’t have to get too dressed up because we’ve past the first date.
Unless your second date with this person is ten years in the future where you have become so accustomed with each other, this is wrong. It’s your second date, not your tenth. Don’t get too comfortable. I’m not saying dip your face in some cake to look good, but don’t get too comfortable with your date to the point of rocking up to his/her house looking like the troll from under the bridge. Just sayin’.

Second Date Myth #3: We did all the talking in the first date so I don’t have to try as hard to get to know him/her.
Again, second date, not your tenth. I’m pretty sure your date didn’t tell you every detail of their life so you don’t know them as well as you think you do. Put in the effort. It’s not that hard.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, here are a few tips for your impending second date:
[x] Don’t let your guard down in any way. You’re not in the clear (AKA relationship) yet.
[x] Do something less formal so you can get to know your date a bit more in a relaxed manner. Instead of the good ol’ dinner and a movie, do something more carefree and fun, like go bowling or ice-skating together.
[x] Surprise your date. Bring her flowers or surprise him by paying for dinner or dessert.
[x] And most importantly (cue the sappy love music), be yourself.

Happy dating, SolSaters!

– by The Black Widow

Dating Nikki: Valentine’s Day

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It’s the time of the year when single people all of a sudden hate everyone and those in a relationship are noticeably more catty towards those who are single. It’s Valentine’s Day – or as catty people in a relationship would call it, Single Awareness Day.

Do this and you are guaranteed success.

Do this and you are guaranteed success.

If you’re stuck on what to get your significant other or don’t know what to do with them on Friday night (besides a good round of woohoo), who ya gonna call? Note: not Ghostbusters. Me!

I will attempt to separate my advice in different stages of relationship, from the “we only started dating like five minutes ago” stage to the “we’ve pretty much been married for the past 20 years” stage. Let’s face it: if you’ve been in a relationship for over five years and your partner buys you a box of chocolates from Aldi, you’re gonna be pissed.

For those who have just started dating…
This would be your first Valentine’s Day as a couple so the main benefit from that is you don’t face the risk of repeating your gifts and event from a previous V Day like the longer couples do. Any idea you have will be safe, unless it’s way over the top. While I’m sure a woman would love to receive all the jewellery from Tiffany’s in the world, and a man would appreciate a new Harley Davidson sportster, it may be a little too much for your first V Day together. My suggestions?
Gift ideas (for him): Surprise him. Buy him a ride around Sydney on a Harley motorcycle (click here). If he’s a bit less rough around the edges, give him a box of chocolates (click here) and a good-read.
Gift ideas (for her): If you want a safe idea, stick with a nice bouquet of roses (click here) and a box of chocolates. Every girl loves chocolate more than she admits, I promise you. Have it delivered to her when she least expects it and she will swooooooon.

For those who have been together for over a year and are relatively comfortable with each other…
You guys have the trouble of coming up with something different from last year’s successful V Day together. You have the challenge of beating last year and making this year’s V Day all the more memorable. The positive for you is that you are aware of your partner’s interests and their lifestyle so finding a gift specifically tailored for them would be simple. If it isn’t that simple, however, here are my suggestions:
Gift ideas (for him): 21st century men love watches. Gift him with a nice fancy-looking watch and, if you have money left over on your budget, a big matching man ring.
Gift ideas (for her): I would say this is the period where buying your girlfriend lingerie is safe. Ask her friends discreetly for her size and then buy her something sexy to wear that night… only to be taken off straight away.

For those who are well into their relationship insomuch that you are probably going to get engaged soon…
This is for the couples who have been together for so long that everyone is just expecting you to get hitched soon. You’re right for each other and everybody knows it. You are also very comfortable with each other and should know your partner inside-out. You guys have the hurdle of switching it up from previous V Days together and that may hinder your idea brainstorming. If you are stuck for a specific idea, here are my suggestions:
Gift ideas (for him): This will require a bit of pre-planning. Buy your man tickets to an event he will really enjoy, whether it be a musical concert or a monster truck show. Top it off with a case of beer and a home cooked meal and he will be putty in your hands.
Gift ideas (for her): It’s time to bring out the big bucks and visit your nearest Tiffany’s, or any other quality jewellery store. You will know what your lady likes, so pick out something that says “I love you so much that I spent all this money on you.” Click here to browse through Tiffany’s collection.

For those who are married or in a long-term domestic relationship…
You are the couple that has made it. You have been through nearly every Valentine’s Day together and they have always been fantastic. You’re so comfortable with each other that you sometimes need to remember that you are not them. While you would have the added pressure of not repeating previous V Days, you pretty much don’t have high expectations anymore because you’ve nearly done it all. I would suggest a weekend away with each other to somewhere you have never been before. It doesn’t matter if it’s overseas or in the same city. Do something spontaneous! If you want an idea for an extra gift, here are my suggestions:
Gift ideas (for him): It’s well documented that boys love their toys. Depending on budget, I would suggest buying your man the latest iPad or a Kindle reader so he can read all of his manly action books in peace.
Gift ideas (for her): While I am not a wine connoisseur myself, most women can appreciate a good bottle of wine. Visit your local bottle-o and buy something expensive and old to let your woman know just how much she means to you. Top it off with a bouquet of roses, a box of chocolates, and she will realise how lucky she is to have you.

Now go off on your merry way; enjoy smelling the flowers and eating the chocolates; enjoy drinking on your wine and spending time with each other, and, most importantly, enjoy your woohoo.

– by The Black Widow

Review: What Nora Knew

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I had no intentions on reading and writing a review on a Chick Lit novel. This is not necessarily because I dislike the genre in particular, but because most of them tend to be too predictable, stereotypical, idealistic, unrealistically perfect etc so I tend to avoid them – yes, I’m one of those annoyingly fastidious people who demands that a film or novel be realistic to some degree (depending on the genre, of course).  What Nora Knew by Linda Yellin was an exception. I tend to skim over the blurb and take a quick peek at the first page or so of any novel in order to decide whether it’s worth continuing with, and on doing so for this novel, I was immediately and mercilessly hooked.

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What Nora Knew is about Molly Hallberg (a writer for an online newsmagazine) who, having been through a (long) string of unsuccessful relationships – one marriage included – has a somewhat jaded view on love.  Although she is in a steady relationship with her current boyfriend, Russell Edley, she is not a believer in the sort of flowery love that is generally characterized by plenty of passion, elaborate and romantic gestures, and excitement etc – the sort of love that many of the characters in the novel coincidentally have. Instead, she settles for a “comfortable” relationship with him, mainly due to the limiting factor of her age (late thirties), or so she feels. Somewhere along the way, she meets a certain Cameron Duncan (a famous author) who she progressively, unwillingly and inevitably falls for. From this, I’m sure even those of you who are not familiar with/not fans of Chick Lit novels can guess the ending without too much difficulty.

Despite the stereotypical plot, I was quite fond of this novel. For, Yellin’s abilities as an author are more than admirable; the voice of Molly is so internal, witty, sarcastic, sharp, funny, entertaining and likeable. I was constantly chuckling and more than that, she seems very real – indeed it is like she is a real person talking to you instead of for you and that, to me, is one of the marks of a great author. However, that was the best part of this novel. The drama, events and dialogue – albeit quite entertaining in some parts – was mostly just a little bit above average.  At certain times, I actually got a little bored because there wasn’t anything particularly enthralling and some parts were not very believable. But, it was Molly’s amusing and engaging voice that kept me reading right to the end.

One other redeeming factor of the novel that I have to mention is that Yellin readily highlights the fact that most love stories in Chick Lit novels and Rom-Coms are stereotypical and/or predictable, but that people still want to read on or keep watching anyway because they are “mesmerized by the journey”. She does this through the guise of certain characters and with references to some Rom-Coms (the title itself is in reference to Nora Ephron who is most notable for certain films such as When Harry Met Sally and Sleepless in Seattle, for those of you who don’t know). It could just be me, but there is something rather comforting about the author acknowledging that what they’re writing about is stereotypical or clichéd and that they know that people still like to read it anyway to experience the “journey” – it makes them (or their writing, at least) seem more genuine.

Anyway, in short, this book was quite enjoyable but nothing to make you truly go WOW! The ending is very obvious (but then again, it was what Yellin intended), so I suppose some or most will do what she anticipates (as I did) – keep reading until the very end, not because they want to know who Molly ends up with etc, but because they want to experience the journey with her. This is most likely one of those books you might want to take along with you on a holiday (that is, if you like reading Chick Lit novels in the first place and/or if you like reading them when you’re away on  holiday). Even if there wasn’t anything especially riveting, the engaging and laughter-inducing voice of Molly herself would be enough to make most want to read this novel.

Solst-o-meter
Storyline: 6/10
Style of writing: 9/10
Overall: 7.5/10

– by Rosemary Nguyen