Tag Archives: television

The Housewives of Salt Lake City: Ranked

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May the Housewives gods be with me while I rank these unhinged women.

I only just realised that I haven’t ranked the Salt Lake City wives because I’ve been watching live since the beginning and didn’t do a full binge of the franchise like I have the other cities. While we are currently in the middle of a raging season four, I thought ‘why not rank them now?’

As it is, Real Housewives of Salt Lake City is the tenth installation of Bravo’s ever popular Real Housewives franchise, and is widely considered to be the most chaotic. Sometimes it looks like these women get along and have great friendships, and the next thing you know, they’re attacking each other like savages.

As of writing, there have only been nine full-time housewives featured on RHOSLC. It is still in its early years, of course, so it’s to be expected.

Strap in for a short but wild ride as I rank these unhinged Utah wives!

9. Jennie Nguyen
This should come as no shocker to any fans of the franchise, but what disappoints me the most is I had such high hopes for Jennie at the beginning of the season. I always love seeing diversity, and seeing the franchise’s first Asian housewife in season 2 was very refreshing, but then her disgusting views were outed, and she plummeted to the very bottom of this list.

8. Heather Gay
Bravo seemed to have pegged Heather as the poster girl for RHOSLC at the very beginning, and I cannot understand why. She’s phony as all hell, two-faced to the people she claims to be her friend, allows herself to be a doormat for bully Jen, and is stuck in the high school days of yearning to be accepted by the popular girls. Plus, her self-deprecating humour is just overcompensating for the fact that she is extremely unlikeable. I really don’t have anything nice to say about her tbh.

7. Jen Shah
Jen is the first Pacific Islander representation in all of the Housewives franchises which was really nice for me to see. And that’s where my compliments for this woman end. She is a literal convicted criminal, and during her time on the show, was nothing more than a malicious, jealous and manipulative shell of a woman who used erratic outbursts for attention. I never want to see this woman on a Bravo show ever again.

6. Meredith Marks
Meredith started out somewhat likeable, and her penchant for disengaging quickly became iconic. But this woman is out of her mind and deluded, and I can’t stand the way that she looks down at the floor when she’s trying to read someone or stir shit. At least look them in the eye if you’re going to drag them, hun.

5. Mary Cosby
Double standards in a housewife have never existed as hard as they do for Mary Cosby. Mary is eccentric, comes with a wild backstory, and has very funny one-liners, but because the other wives (excluding Whitney) are scared of how unpredictable she can be, she gets away with being rude, insufferable, and refusing to participate in activities with the other wives.

4. Monica Garcia
Monica serves as a breath of fresh air for the currently airing season 4 of RHOSLC. Beautiful, sassy, unashamed of her past, and not scared to fight against her richer counterparts, Monica has already proven to be a great addition to the show. I wish she’d just ease up on the fighting with Lisa though.

3. Angie Katsanevas
After a very successful debut as a FOH in season three, this Greek beauty snatched her snowflake for season four and has already shown to be a great housewife. Messy, shady, serving personal drama, and appearing to be ready to read a bitch at any given time, Angie quickly shoots to (almost) the top of my list.

2. Whitney Rose
Whitney is easily one of the most stunning housewives across all the franchises, but what I love about her most is that she is as beautiful as she is messy. Never scared to stir the pot, or carry some bones, Whitney has proven to be a necessary cog in the wheel that is RHOSLC. We stan a sex positive queer ally Queen!

1. Lisa Barlow
I had picked Lisa to be my favourite during the first season of the show because she reminded me of my friend Charmaine, but then Lisa began showing more of her personality, and she’s basically the perfect housewife. She’s rich, not scared of getting into it, a bit of a pot stirrer, slightly deluded and unaware, and full of hilarious one liners and quips that are immediately iconic, Lisa Barlow takes the top spot for the Utah housewives.

Season four is already receiving rave reviews, and may be the Salt Lake wives’ best season since its inception. If you aren’t already watching this franchise, dare I suggest that you start watching it now. If only for Team Litney.

Happy watching, baby gorgeouses!

– by The Black Widow

The Housewives of Atlanta: Ranked

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We’re back with some more Real Housewives Content!

As Sydney is currently in lockdown because people can’t just stay tf home, I’ve had a lot of spare time on my hands. This means that my task to finish all 13 seasons of Real Housewives of Atlanta which would’ve normally taken me probably a full year has nearly been done in four months, my mind is bursting with some iconic RHOA quotes like “Bye ashes!” and “The lies! The lies! The lies!”

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During the 13 seasons of Real Housewives of Atlanta, they have featured 15 main cast housewives, which again does not include the “friends of” Queens like Marlo Hampton and Tanya Sam, or the guest appearances from people like “that bitch” Yovana. Or Jovana. Whatever. I don’t know her.

Much like I did with the Housewives of Beverly Hills, I will be ranking the Housewives of Atlanta in order of how much I stanned them or how much I absolutely detested them. Except I will be doing this myself as Emilie hasn’t watched RHOA. Sadface.

So here it is. RHOA’s bombshells ranked!

15. Kenya Moore
Probably the easiest placement on this list. It’s said that you’re either Team Porsha or Team Kenya, and I cannot fathom how anyone could be Team Kenya. She’s a deluded shit-stirrer who provokes people and then acts surprised when they react. She’ll do anything to be the centre of attention, and not in a cool way either, and she can’t support her friend’s happiness if it isn’t about her. Kenya is gone with the dust storm at the bottom of this list.

14. Kim Zolciak-Biermann
If Kenya wasn’t featured on this show, then Kim would easily be at the bottom of this list. If Kenya is the Princess of deluded, then Kim is the Queen. Granted, her drags of the other women were way more entertaining than Kenya’s, and when it was Kenya vs. Kimn I found myself on Kim’s side. 

13. DeShawn Snow
This rating comes from a lack of getting to know DeShawn. She was only featured in the first season which had like eight episodes. I thought she was sweet and cute and would’ve loved for her to hang around longer.

12. Kim Fields
I loved Kim Fields. I thought she was fabulous and was a nice refined change from the usual RHOA messy drama. However I didn’t think she was good fit for the show solely because she was a change from the usual RHOA messy drama. But don’t get it twisted: she’s Kim Fields, bitch.

11. Claudia Jordan
I thought Claudia was a nice addition to the RHOA franchise, and I especially enjoyed how she had no shame in reading people. She didn’t contribute much to storylines, however, and her biggest impact on the show was her being self-conscious about her toes. Also she loses a few point for being friends with Kenya.

10. Lisa Wu
If Lisa had stayed on the show for a few more seasons, she would’ve flourished and would’ve easily been found higher on this list. She wasn’t about the drama but wasn’t scared to drag a bitch if she had to. Plus, she loves money as much as I do. Yay her.

9. Nene Leakes
I have a very strong love-hate relationship with Nene. For one, I admire how outspoken and outgoing she is and find her energy to be really infectious; she really was the life of the show in each season she was featured in. In saying that, however, I find her to be quite narcissistic and manipulative, and if things don’t go her way she tends to drag everyone else around her down. 

8. Phaedra Parks
Ms. Phaedra Parks was not high up on my list after her first season or two. She was too secretive and kept her cards close to her chest, and was almost as deluded as Kenya. But then in the later seasons she let loose and became one of the more fun ones, almost as much as Porsha. Making up really defamatory rumours about Kandi, however, prevents her from going any higher on this list.

7. Shamari DeVoe
Let me put this out there: I thought Shamari was a fantastic addition to the cast, and I don’t know how producers thought to get rid of her in favour if a returning Kenya. She was not scared to be herself, and there was something about her that was just so fabulous. Also we love drunk Shamari. Bring her back. Get rid of Kenya.

6. Sheree Whitfield
Sheree is someone else I started off not liking, but then after season one I came to really like her. Her shade is better than anyone else’s – I mean, who can get past “Who gon’ check me boo?” – and in the production sense of the show, she was not afraid to stir up some drama. She ain’t called the Bone Collector for nothing.

5. Kandi Burruss
I love Kandi. I think she’s someone to be looked up to by all. She’s a savvy businesswoman who loves her family, loves her children, and loves the freedom of expression and to be yourself. I also admire her ability to stay out of the drama – “won’t start none, won’t be none” – but by far her best quality is the ability to talk about sex openly. Sex is a conversation I want to be more accessible for people, and Kandi (Koated Nights) is helping forge that path.

4. Drew Sidora
Drew was the reason I started watching RHOA in the first place. When I saw she had been cast in Season 13, my interest piqued because I loved her prior to the show, so that’s when I chose to watch the show. I thought she was a fun addition to Season 13, and her battles with LaToya really made the season. Well, that and the infamous Dungeon Party.

3. Porsha Williams
If my constant dragging of Kenya didn’t make it obvious, I’m all for Team Porsha. Porsha is an enigma; there are really no words to describe her because she is just such an individual. In her first season, she was a much more reserved version of herself, no doubt because of her then-husband, but once that broke off, the fun, wild and energetic Porsha that everyone grew to love emerged, and we love that bitch.

2. Cynthia Bailey
Cynthia is everything I want to be. She’s stunning; she’s fabulous; she’s successful; and she’s Cynthia Bailey. Now what else is going on? Cynthia is one of the more level-headed women of RHOA who will get into it if she has to, but prefers to stay outside of the drama. And that’s something that’s really to be admired, especially on a reality show where’s it kind of expected to start shit for no reason. 

1. Eva Marcille
Obsessed is an understatement. If Cynthia Bailey is everything I want to be, Eva is that and some more. Well spoken, absolutely stunning, and the shadiest queen of them all a complete sunflower, Eva hits the top of my list as my favourite Housewife of Atlanta. While she has gone out and said she won’t be returning to the franchise, I hope she changes her mind. She was a great addition to the cast, and absolutely knew how to handle herself in a tense situation. Women always have trouble in their first season of the show as their lives are thrown into the spotlight, but Eva handled probably the best out of any of the above women.

Did you have a different set of rankings to us? Who was your favourite housewife? Let us know in the comments!

– by The Black Widow

Doctor Who from an Emotionally-Charged Whovian’s Perspective

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Because I may or may not have a love affair with the Doctor.

I am an emotional person. There is no way I can deny that. I often think with my heart instead of my head and those decisions often lead to extraordinary consequences, whether that be good or bad. When I watch a TV series, I don’t just “watch” it, I get emotionally invested into the show and its characters. Doctor Who is no different; in fact, I’d go as far to say that I’ve never been so emotionally invested in a TV series as much as I have with Doctor Who.

That crazy brilliant man his blue box. (SOURCE: Rooners Toy Photography Flickr photostream)

That crazy brilliant man his blue box. (SOURCE: Rooners Toy Photography Flickr photostream)

My background with Doctor Who is different to most: I didn’t become a fully fledged Whovian until recent. Previously, I watched the “New Who” sporadically with my father; if it was on, we’d watch it. If it wasn’t, we wouldn’t go out of our way to get it. I knew that David Tennant was the Doctor and he had a beautiful companion named Martha Jones… who all of a sudden was replaced by Donna Noble. I knew Billie Piper was in the series but didn’t know her character’s name. After a little persuasion, I decided to re-watch “New Who” from season one episode one to get re-familiarised with the show that has captivated so many people. And now, I’m hooked for life.

I’ve always had difficulty verbally explaining to my friends just how strongly I feel for this TV series, so as a writer, I thought it’d be better to communicate through the written word. I laugh and I smile and I cry and I cower when I watch Doctor Who; the show is just capable of bringing so many emotions out of Whovians, and I think I’m the worst when it comes to it.

Take regenerations, for example: without fail, I have cried during every regeneration. Why? Because you put so much time and love into getting familiar with this incarnation of the Doctor but at the back of your mind you just know he will leave you when the going gets bad. You’ve become so attached to this incarnation of the Doctor that when he regenerates, it’s just like he’s leaving you and comes back with a new face and personality that you have to adapt to whether you like it or not. Quite literally, it’s a heartbreaking experience… and I’m aware that I may sound a bit insane right now but bear with me. I always feel rather indifferent and quite cold towards the newly regenerated Doctor, and it just takes time for me to warm up to him. Until the cycle starts again. Compare this to having a pet dog who all of a sudden is taken from you and is replaced by another breed of dog that you have to keep regardless. That’s how I feel when it comes to regeneration.

I laugh every time Amy Pond says something in her ridiculously adorable Scottish accent. I cried when Rose Tyler is revealed as the Bad Wolf and mutters “my Doctor”. I felt warm inside when the Doctor referred to Donna Noble as his “best friend”. I marked out when all of the Tenth Doctor’s companions reunited to save the world. Don’t even get me started on the Father’s Day episode.

Doctor Who is more than just a sci-fi show with an unnamed man of many faces who prefers the company of young, beautiful and otherwise “ordinary” women. It’s a show that explores every human feeling possible: it can make you laugh, it can make you cry, it can make you angry, it can even make you hide behind your chair. It’s a show that appeals to all, young and old, nerdy and non-nerdy, male and female. It tackles real life problems while having that special Doctor Who sass to it: unrequited love, heartbreak, loss of a loved one… all real issues that we as humans face every day.

Numbers are just numbers to most people, but the numbers 1-12 represent so much more to us. Five represents a kind and gentle soul with an unusual taste for jacket accessory. Nine represents a cool and collected sass. Eleven represents bow ties and fezzes.

If I’ve kept your attention for this long, I do suggest that you give the show a go if you haven’t already. But don’t say I didn’t warn you when your heart shatters in almost every episode of this worldwide phenomenon.

– by The Black Widow

5 TV Characters I Love to Hate

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TV sitcoms provide us with great memories, hearty laughs and loveable characters; Friends gave us Phoebe and The Simpsons gave us pretty much everyone on the show.

Of course, however, not every show is perfect.

There are some characters on TV shows that I absolutely cannot stand, whether that be because they are that villainous that you can’t help but hate them, or the fact that they are so irritating and are blissfully unaware of their annoying behaviour. Well, now I am going to charge them for their crimes.

5. Sara Lance AKA The Canary (Arrow)
Crucible
Crimes include: Having a mouth that doesn’t move when speaking, questionable acting skills, a cry so painful that it wakes up the dead… and we’re not talking about the canary cry either.

That first one isn’t a joke either. Watch this scene here and tell me you don’t think her mouth acts in mysterious ways when talking. I’m sure you will also notice that she is as believable as an actress as I am a Golden Globe statue. Also, I’d like to point out that I am quite the comic buff and would like to know this: why is Sara Lance the Black Canary and NOT Laurel Lance as per canon? Why? Why? Why? I was so looking forward to Laurel popping up out of nowhere and saying “Hey Olly, look who’s come to help you.” Thanks for ruining my hopes and dreams, Sara.

4. Katherine Mayfair (Desperate Housewives)
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Crimes include: Being a lesbian but not being a lesbian at the same time, stealing Mike from Susan, being an all-around whackjob.

If the phrase “sort your life out” has ever applied to someone so much, it would be Miss Mayfair here. Even though by the end of the show she technically did “sort her life out”, all throughout her tenure in Wisteria Lane, her presence was creepy and unwanted. Katherine was a nutjob: a solid 10 nutjob… and what about how she was sleeping with Julie Benz’s character but kept defending her sexuality by saying “I’m not a lesbian.” That’s like eating a whole jar of cookies and saying I haven’t eaten anything today – the evidence is all over your mouth! (Slightly adult joke)

3. Billie Jenkins (Charmed)
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Crimes include: Being a shitty ass replacement for Prue, ruining the last episode of the show by fake crying, taking valuable Leo time away from us.

Billie reared her pretty blonde head on the eighth and final season of Charmed and was meant to be a young, vibrant apprentice-of-sorts to the Halliwell sisters. Being a good-hearted protagonist meant that we were supposed to love her, right? Wrong. I did nothing of the sort. Billie was irritating, plain and simple. Her storylines always felt forced, as forced as her acting. For whatever reasons, the producers felt it a good idea to semi-replace Leo with Billie as the fourth main character. That was probably the worst mistake they could have ever made. Thank you for ruining my most favourite show ever, Billie.

2. Carrie Bradshaw (the Sex and the City version, not the Carrie Diaries version, although I’m sure they’re both equally as annoying)
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Crimes include: Being a selfish mutt, making us sit through all her complaining and whining, cheating on Mr. Big.

I absolutely love Sex and the City – it is probably one of my most favourite shows. It’s definitely up there. What I don’t like about the show at all is the main character, coincidentally enough. I found Carrie to be completely self-centered, obnoxious and annoying to the point that I would zone out whenever her voiceover would come on, talking about how damn fabulous she is. I can’t forget the time when poor Charlotte was trying to talk about her feelings and then Carrie completely cut her off. No one in their right mind likes Carrie more than Charlotte, let’s be honest.

1. The Governor (Walking Dead)
The-Governor
Crimes include: Everything he has ever done on the show. Ever.

Janis Ian may think that evil takes a human form in Regina George, but I disagree. Evil takes a human form in the Governor. Cold, ruthless, malicious… the Governor is everything a villain is and should be. He is the cause of many deaths of beloved characters in the Walking Dead series – Andrea being my main one – and, let’s not beat around the bush, he is a massive wanker. There is no other way to put it. In saying that, I must commend David Morrissey on the tremendous job he has done in portraying him.

After writing about these hated characters, I need to reinvigorate myself with a nice old episode of The Simpsons.
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Ciao!

– by The Black Widow