5 TV Characters I Love to Hate

TV sitcoms provide us with great memories, hearty laughs and loveable characters; Friends gave us Phoebe and The Simpsons gave us pretty much everyone on the show.

Of course, however, not every show is perfect.

There are some characters on TV shows that I absolutely cannot stand, whether that be because they are that villainous that you can’t help but hate them, or the fact that they are so irritating and are blissfully unaware of their annoying behaviour. Well, now I am going to charge them for their crimes.

5. Sara Lance AKA The Canary (Arrow)
Crucible

Crimes include: Having a mouth that doesn’t move when speaking, questionable acting skills, a cry so painful that it wakes up the dead… and we’re not talking about the canary cry either.

That first one isn’t a joke either. Watch this scene here and tell me you don’t think her mouth acts in mysterious ways when talking. I’m sure you will also notice that she is as believable as an actress as I am a Golden Globe statue. Also, I’d like to point out that I am quite the comic buff and would like to know this: why is Sara Lance the Black Canary and NOT Laurel Lance as per canon? Why? Why? Why? I was so looking forward to Laurel popping up out of nowhere and saying “Hey Olly, look who’s come to help you.” Thanks for ruining my hopes and dreams, Sara.

4. Katherine Mayfair (Desperate Housewives)
Katherine-desperate-housewives-2818191-1024-768
Crimes include: Being a lesbian but not being a lesbian at the same time, stealing Mike from Susan, being an all-around whackjob.

If the phrase “sort your life out” has ever applied to someone so much, it would be Miss Mayfair here. Even though by the end of the show she technically did “sort her life out”, all throughout her tenure in Wisteria Lane, her presence was creepy and unwanted. Katherine was a nutjob: a solid 10 nutjob… and what about how she was sleeping with Julie Benz’s character but kept defending her sexuality by saying “I’m not a lesbian.” That’s like eating a whole jar of cookies and saying I haven’t eaten anything today – the evidence is all over your mouth! (Slightly adult joke)

3. Billie Jenkins (Charmed)
Forever-Charmed-billie-jenkins-15848596-1056-800
Crimes include: Being a shitty ass replacement for Prue, ruining the last episode of the show by fake crying, taking valuable Leo time away from us.

Billie reared her pretty blonde head on the eighth and final season of Charmed and was meant to be a young, vibrant apprentice-of-sorts to the Halliwell sisters. Being a good-hearted protagonist meant that we were supposed to love her, right? Wrong. I did nothing of the sort. Billie was irritating, plain and simple. Her storylines always felt forced, as forced as her acting. For whatever reasons, the producers felt it a good idea to semi-replace Leo with Billie as the fourth main character. That was probably the worst mistake they could have ever made. Thank you for ruining my most favourite show ever, Billie.

2. Carrie Bradshaw (the Sex and the City version, not the Carrie Diaries version, although I’m sure they’re both equally as annoying)
Carrie-Bradshaw-nameplate-necklace
Crimes include: Being a selfish mutt, making us sit through all her complaining and whining, cheating on Mr. Big.

I absolutely love Sex and the City – it is probably one of my most favourite shows. It’s definitely up there. What I don’t like about the show at all is the main character, coincidentally enough. I found Carrie to be completely self-centered, obnoxious and annoying to the point that I would zone out whenever her voiceover would come on, talking about how damn fabulous she is. I can’t forget the time when poor Charlotte was trying to talk about her feelings and then Carrie completely cut her off. No one in their right mind likes Carrie more than Charlotte, let’s be honest.

1. The Governor (Walking Dead)
The-Governor
Crimes include: Everything he has ever done on the show. Ever.

Janis Ian may think that evil takes a human form in Regina George, but I disagree. Evil takes a human form in the Governor. Cold, ruthless, malicious… the Governor is everything a villain is and should be. He is the cause of many deaths of beloved characters in the Walking Dead series – Andrea being my main one – and, let’s not beat around the bush, he is a massive wanker. There is no other way to put it. In saying that, I must commend David Morrissey on the tremendous job he has done in portraying him.

After writing about these hated characters, I need to reinvigorate myself with a nice old episode of The Simpsons.
07-22
Ciao!

– by The Black Widow

Quit Smoking: The Best Resolution

Maybe it’s my own fault for being so annoyingly optimistic, but I absolutely love that New Years resolutions are a thing. A legitimate thing? It’s widely disputed, but even if many resolutions are abandoned not long after midnight there are countless examples of people sticking to their new goals. On your Facebook wall you may have encountered a handful of people saying that everyone should be making resolutions all the time, not just when a new year is rung in, but the popularity of such a notion is at least a good start, and by fulfilling these resolutions I’m sure people will be prompted to make many more.

It might look cool but this dog is dead now.

It might look cool but this dog is dead now.

But this isn’t about a vague wish of being nicer or being less materialistic, this is about one resolution that should take priority over any other, and at all times of the year – quitting cigarettes. Sadly, I am a smoker, and can admit that I did have this resolution and have relapsed since. It’s hard, and becomes even harder when you’re within the age bracket with the YOLO mentality. Even if this is another excuse, I lasted longer than I thought I would, and will last even longer the next time I quit. If this is you, you should be very proud and ignore the nay-sayers that tell you not to begin with the new year – any time you quit is a good time.

Maybe this will urge you to quit, or guide you on the way, or if you’re not a smoker maybe this can help you better understand what we’re all going through. These are the things that have helped me in the past and will help me again.

Know the facts.

Valuable Information.

Valuable Information.

As a loyal smoker you don’t look into the statistics of smoking, you know deep down it will deter you from doing what you “love”. When you fully grasp the seriousness of smoking, and realise each and every thing it does to your body, you will feel sick to your stomach – this is a good thing, use this feeling to get you started. Unfortunately the oodles of health risks doesn’t stop everyone in their tracks, thats okay because, wait! Theres more! Like how it makes you uglier than you should be, or takes all your pretty pennies (Like, a bunch of pennies). A quick Google search will scare you more than the packet pictures.

Keep Goals. Reward Yourself.

I would advise against rewarding yourself with dog food.

I would advise against rewarding yourself with dog food.

What a good goal is varies from person to person; what stays constant is the feeling of reward after a triumphant victory. It can be as small as a day smoke free or as big as a year, whatever it is give yourself something, obviously not smokes though, you dumb dumb. It’s okay to make both realistic and unrealistic goals, don’t think two weeks is even remotely possible for yourself? That’s okay, write it down anyway, and have a reward in mind just in case – you may surprise yourself.

It’s your decision to tell the world.

Think before you howl.

Think before you howl.

You may have heard that you have to tell everyone, so they can support you and stop you from doing anything silly. I like to think that this decision is highly dependant on the type of company you keep. A lot of people cannot grasp the seriousness of quitting and therefore can come off quite insensitive. If you know people who would react like this to your possible failure: ‘I thought you quit!’ , or ‘Well that didn’t last long’, and maybe ‘I told you so!’ than try not to be around them whilst quitting and maybe don’t tell them what you’re doing. It doesn’t mean they’re horrible people, they just don’t get it, and you shouldn’t have to validate an amazing life-saving decision to them. These reactions can create a fear of judgement and stop you from wanting to quit again.

Tell loved ones who have urged you to quit for years, the ones who can support you no matter what and at least try to understand what you’re feeling.

Find a quit buddy.

We can do this together.

We can do this together.

Friend, partner, family, stranger on a train, internet forum – Anyone who is on the same journey is completely invaluable to you at this time. Just a quick message when you’re feeling the urge is enough, they’ll tell you why you shouldn’t, what has worked for them, and more importantly if you feel like you’ve tried your very best and have still failed, they will not guilt you into oblivion. On top of all of this convincing your buddy not to smoke will motivate yourself as well.

Strategise for cravings.

Don't be this guy.

Don’t be this guy.

You could be doing every single thing right – it doesn’t matter, you will still get cravings. Some won’t last more than three minutes, others will feel like a lifetime, when this happens you need an exit strategy. Again, everyone is different, but these are the hints I can offer to you that have worked for me:

Check the time and tell yourself to wait ten minutes or so before you go for a smoke. Keep doing this, continually postponing will eventually get you to an urge-free stage.

Stop thinking. You will think about smokes even when you don’t want one – and then you’ll want one. Keep active, clean something, exercise, draw, talk to someone. Fill your time and notice how productive you’ve been without icky cigarettes.

Substitute. A very reliable brand of Electronic Cigarettes, nicotine free, helped me, but if you’re not comfortable with this splurge on some gum, eat tiny, stick-like snacks, chew on a twig. You can still have a ten minute break without a durry.

Be somewhere smoke-free. Chill inside your house if you’re not allowed to smoke there, opt to sit inside at restaurants, bars and cafes. You won’t be getting a good amount of sun but you also won’t be getting as much Cancer.

Affirm yourself. Tell yourself that you want to be healthy, smell good, have money and look pretty.

Become a recluse.

Walking will be easier without shitty lungs.

Walking will be easier without shitty lungs.

There is a real danger of going a little stir-crazy for a while, but as soon as your feel strong enough you can enter the world again. It’s essential to know what situations would usually make you smoke and deliberately avoid them. For me, it’s parties, town outings and coffee dates. Most things that include alcohol or coffee should be forgotten.

This is where I messed up. After a week at home, not smoking I was frantic to get out of the house and to a party. Fortunately there was someone there who had quit as well, and she became my quit buddy – unfortunately, as soon as she crashed for the night it left me capable to bum a smoke and feel close to guilt-free.

It’s hard, but apparently it gets easier. At the same party I met someone who told me he had been smoke free for a whole year. That alone was very impressive, that was until his friend reminded him that he had actually quit in 2011. This guy had quit more than two years ago, and didn’t even think about smoking enough to know how far he had gone. Inspiring stories like this can be found everywhere, and will help to motivate you.

Quit now, if you fail keep quitting, if you have already then congratulations, you are officially a non-smoker.

Now go eat some reward chocolate, you incredible person.

This dog: Smoke free for seventy years (In dog years).

This dog: Smoke free for seventy years (In dog years).

by Josefina Huq

Dating Nikki: Online dating profiles

We live in the era of technology and with the introduction of more and more technological upgrades, it has become more common and less socially weird to venture into the world of online dating. Websites like Zoosk, RSVP and Match are being frequented more often and apps like Tinder, Blendr and Grindr are popping up left, right and centre. Finding a date for the night is as easy as a few taps on your smartphone.

To this day, I still don't know what Zoosk means.

To this day, I still don’t know what Zoosk means.

I applaud the change in culture which has made online dating more socially acceptable than it was, say, ten years ago, because not everyone is fortunate to meet their significant others in a nightclub or at a friend’s party. What was only “okay” for the middle aged to do is now a common thing for the young adult to do on their apps. All you have to do is make a profile, put in a few details and you’re off!

However, people still aren’t grasping what is right to put in an online dating profile and what is wrong to put in. This is where Dating Noah is here to help you with. I have browsed a few dating sites and profiles and can pinpoint several things that I like in a profile and several things that I don’t like in a dating profile.

What to put in your dating profile
(+) Correct grammar and spelling. I can’t stress this enough. I am more likely to wink at a moderate-looking person with correct grammar and spelling than a solid 10 whose profile consists of “jst on hea 2 luk 4 ma 1 n only”. I hope you’re shivering reading that because I sure am.
(+) State what you’re looking for in an ideal partner but don’t be too specific about it. It may seem like you’re being a picky bitch but really, you are just saying what you want. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that – unless you’re saying “she has to have long blonde hair and legs for days.” Being too specific is being a picky bitch.
(+) Put a few of your goals and aspirations in your profile. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t reached these yet, or you’re still studying at uni, a person with goals is far more attractive than “I live at the gym to get in shape for music festivals.”
(+) Clearly define what you’re looking for in a date, whether that’s someone for a few casual dates, a long term relationship or just someone to fornicate with. I can’t imagine anything being more awkward than going on a date with someone who is expecting some action later in the night while you are praying for Mr./Mrs. Right.
(+) A nice, confident picture. I don’t mean touched up with photoshop taken by a professional photographer, I just mean a picture of you in your element with a nice smile on your face. Other people will find that really attractive, regardless of whether you look like John Gavin or not. Guys: don’t upload shirtless pictures. Please. Girls: keep your breasts neatly tucked in. Try to avoid awkward cropping also.
(+) Speaking of pictures, put a damn picture of your face up. A picture of your mildly impressive torso or your dog or your car is ridiculous.

What NOT to put in you dating profile
(-) While everyone is entitled to a preference of partner, don’t put it bluntly in your profile. Don’t know what I mean? Here’s an example: “No spice, no rice please.” Not only is that racist, it also shows what kind of person you are – ignorant. If someone that you aren’t attracted to approaches you, a polite “No thank you, I’m not interested, but I wish you well in your dating endeavours” would suffice.
(-) A novella about what kind of person you are and what kind of person you are looking for. E-daters generally don’t have the patience to read about how you lost your dog when you were 7 or about the time where you nearly became a firefighter but then didn’t due to injury. Keep your profile short and to the point.
(-) Dating/sex history. Your personal body count should really be kept to yourself, regardless of gender. Putting it all out there for everyone to see is, how do you say, disgusting.
(-) A picture of you with several other friends in the same image. It will confuse others and it may be awkward if someone approaches you saying “Hey sexy, are you that handsome bloke with the brown hair?” and you’re actually the blond guy on the side who looks nothing like the handsome bloke with the brown hair.

Remember, current or aspiring e-daters: be honest. If someone wants to try and shit on you for being honest with yourself and what you’re looking for, they’re just jealous. Oh, and be polite. A knock on someone else may damage them more than you think. Happy (and safe) online dating everyone!

– by The Black Widow

Dating Nikki: The Break Up

So you’re growing tired of your significant other for whatever reason – they smell and you can’t put up with it anymore, they’re a starfish in bed – and you have ultimately decided, after much thought, that you want to end the relationship. You want it to be as smooth and un-patchy as possible but, of course, something as harsh and hard-hitting as a break up isn’t going to be easy sailing.

Unless you’re dating someone with an irregular heartbeat who can keep calm in any situation, the break up is always going to be difficult.

Well well, look who’s here to help you out.

If only break ups were this easy... and pink.

If only break ups were this easy… and pink.

You want to be as honest as possible without being “too” honest. For example, if you are breaking up due to creative differences, you can’t just say “I want to break up because what you think is shit and wrong and I’m right”, as easy as that would be; you have to put it lightly. In saying that, you can’t lie either. The whole “it’s not you, it’s me” line is such a cop out that I’m sure an innocent baby cries every time this disgusting line is muttered.

Here are a few tips in case you need a little guidance to kick that guy/gal to the kerb… in a nice way:

[x] Plan what you’re going to say so you have a general guide as to how you’re going to do it. Don’t rehearse it so much that you say it word for word; the other person will pick up on the “rehearsal” and will assume you have been planning it for ages.
[x] Try not to be in a public place with a lot of people around. In case shit hits the ceiling, you don’t want poor innocent bystanders watching you with their best sympathetic glances as your now-ex hurls every four-letter-word at you underneath God’s blue sky.
[x] Make sure your mind is made up. If you start to second-guess yourself, it will only further enrage the other party.
[x] Be polite and calm in your delivery. The tone of your voice and how your speech is carried will have a huge impact on the reaction from the other person, so if you’re calm and polite, chances are that they will take it easier.
[x] Choose your words carefully. “You have no goals and are lazy as feck” is better expressed by saying “I feel as if we are looking for different things in life.” See what I did there? Genius.
[x] Don’t point out any faults in the other person or yourself. You shouldn’t have to end a relationship feeling crappy about yourself.
[x] If it’s not meant to be, it just isn’t meant to be. Don’t try and prolong it just because you think it’s going to work.
[x] OPTIONAL: do the break-up over ice-cream. Who am I kidding? This isn’t optional. Do it over ice-cream.

Another important rule that I really shouldn’t have to paint out (because it’s bleedingly obvious) yet a lot of people seem to do it: don’t go straight into another relationship or hook up with someone straight after. It’s inconsiderate and rude and people who do this are usually labelled a slapper; nobody wants to be labelled a slapper. “Jumping from one car to another” is just wrong.

And if you need any suggestions for types of ice-cream to break up over, may I suggest a hot fudge sundae with coffee ice-cream, whipped cream and nuts from Ben and Jerry’s? It works wonders.

– by The Black Widow