Summer Solstice Awards 2013

Posted in Sports by Nikki

No, these aren’t awards for the best tan. The Summer Solstice Awards are awards exclusive to Solstice Satisfaction for the most outstanding players in NRL for the year. 2013 has been an up-and-down year for rugby league, what with the ASADA investigations and other dramas interrupting the game, but the game still goes on. The following are categories for the inaugural Summer Solstice Awards:

Fullback of the Year
Winger of the Year
Centre of the Year
Five-eighth of the Year
Halfback of the Year
Prop of the Year
Hooker of the Year
Second Rower of the Year
Lock of the Year
Captain of the Year
Coach of the Year
One to Watch in 2014
Player of the Year

Without further ado, here are your award recipients for 2013.

Fullback of the Year
Billy Slater, Melbourne Storm

One third of the Storm’s “Big 3”, Billy Slater has had – as per usual – an exceptional year in his role as fullback for the Melbourne Storm and also for the Queensland Maroons and Australian Kangaroos squad. His phenomenal footwork and excellent runs have rightfully earned him the title for Fullback of the Year for SolSat. See ya later Slater!
Runner up: Greg Inglis (South Sydney Rabbitohs)

Winger of the Year
Sisa Waqa, Melbourne Storm

Despite missing the first several rounds due to a hand injury, Sisa Waqa proved he was a deadly winger when he returned to the field, boasting 12 tries and 2582 metres run in the 2013 season. The #flyingfijian definitely looks to be comfortable in SolSat’s Winger of the Year position for the year.
Runner up: James McManus (Newcastle Knights)

Centre of the Year
Justin Hodges, Brisbane Broncos

Comparing his play to other centres, Justin Hodges definitely has his own unique touch to his role as centre for the Brisbane Broncos. Hodgo has a knack of busting out runs out of nowhere and he makes them look so seamlessly easy. Trying to put aside unnecessary #bronxnation bias aside, Hodgo has earned himself the right of Centre of the Year.
Runner up: Jamie Lyon (Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles)

Five-eighth of the Year
Johnathon Thurston, North Queensland Cowboys

Perhaps the most valuable player in rugby league today, there was no question in my mind that Johnathon Thurston deserved this recognition. He serves as the captain, goalkicker and playmaker for the Cowboys and in his spare time, plays the important role of father to his newborn baby. It is with great humility that I give Thurston this award for 2013.
Runner up: Kieran Foran (Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles)

Halfback of the Year
Cooper Cronk, Melbourne Storm

One of the most impressive players when it comes to form in 2013 is this man, Cooper (Donkey) Cronk. Acting as the key playmaker for the Storm, Cronk has been one of the key factors for the Storm’s success in recent years. I dare anyone to challenge this as I award Cooper Cronk for Halfback of the Year.
Runner up: Adam Reynolds (South Sydney Rabbitohs)

Prop of the Year
Matt Scott, North Queensland Cowboys

To me, a prop should be a rough powerhouse who charges into a pack of defenders with no fear and will only be brought down by two or more players. Matt Scott fits that definition to a tee and that is why I have chosen the Cowboys co-captain to be Prop of the Year for 2013.
Runner up: Sam Burgess (South Sydney Rabbitohs)

Hooker of the Year
Cameron Smith, Melbourne Storm

In my opinion, the role of the Hooker is one of the most important in the team. It should be no surprise to anyone that the Storm, Maroons and Kangaroos captain Cameron Smith is awarded the Hooker of the Year title as he continues to prove why he is probably the greatest player in the game today.
Runner up: Jake Friend (Sydney City Roosters)

Second Rower of the Year
Sonny Bill Williams, Sydney City Roosters

Probably the main reason why the Chookies have been in top form all season is the acquisition of this man, Sonny Bill Williams. The man is known for his hard hits and his out-of-nowhere offloads, sometimes referred to as “Sonny Bill offloads”. This large brickhouse of a man takes out the Second Rower of the Year award with ease.
Runner up: Nate Myles (Gold Coast Titans)

Lock of the Year
Corey Parker, Brisbane Broncos

There was absolutely no bias in choosing Corey Parker as Lock of the Year. The Bird has reached top form in his career in 2013 with outstanding performances in both the Broncos and the Maroons squad. He continues to show why he may be one of the most underrated players in the game today and arguably the best Lock in the game.
Runner up: Paul Gallen (Cronulla Sharks)

Captain of the Year
Johnathon Thurston and Matt Scott

As one of the many league fans who are advocates of the co-captain gimmick, I happily award the Captain(s) of the Year title to both Thurston and Scott. The Cowboys started the year in the bottom rungs of the ladder before catapulting into the top 8 and I’d like to think that is largely due to the roles Thurston and Scott played as co-captains of the squad.
Runner up: Cameron Smith (Melbourne Storm)

Coach of the Year
Craig Bellamy, Melbourne Storm

The man may be a bit aggressive at times but he knows how to get the job done, as made evident by the Storm’s steamrolling success in recent years. The intensity he takes to the game rubs off on his players well and that is why Bellamy easily earns the recognition of Coach of the Year.
Runner up: Geoff Toovey (Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles)

One to Watch in 2014
Corey Oates, Brisbane Broncos

In his handful of appearances in first grade footy for the Broncos, Corey Oates has never failed to impress me with solid performance after solid performance in his role as winger. It is clear that the 18-year-old has his whole career ahead of him and if he continues to play in 2014 like he did this year, the Broncos will be in the top 8 next year.
Runner up: George Burgess (South Sydney Rabbitohs)

Player of the Year
Cooper Cronk, Melbourne Storm

As difficult as this decision was to make, I eventually gave in and chose the man who has clearly been one of the top players in the entire NRL for 2013. The intense no-nonsense Cooper Cronk has earned the Summer Solstice award for Player of the Year in 2013. Congratulations Cooper!
Runner up: Corey Parker (Brisbane Broncos)

And there you have the first recipients for the Summer Solstice awards in 2013! As always, discussion is welcome so feel free to comment on who you thought deserved these awards. Good day, SolSatters!

– by The Black Widow

27Sep2013

NRL Semi Finals Preview

Posted in Sports by Nikki

16 teams. 1 premiership title. Only 4 teams remain. We are closer to finding out who will be the NRL Telstra Premiers for 2013 as we are now in the semi final round of footy. We are guaranteed new premiers as the reigning Melbourne Storm were upset by the Newcastle Knights last weekend. Who will go onto one of the most anticipated grand finals of recent years?

Semi-final time baby!

South Sydney Rabbitohs vs. Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles

Two of the top form teams collide at ANZ Stadium tonight in what is sure to be an all-out nail biter between the Bunnies and the Eagles. The Bunnies have not tasted grand final glory since 1971 (I wasn’t even born then!) while the Eagles have been finals mainstays year after year, last tasting grand final flory only two years ago defeating the Warriors.

The Bunnies have had a week off after securing their semi final presence by beating the Storm in the qualifier. This time off not only serves the whole team some good but especially fullback Greg Inglis who is overcoming an injury. Their game against the Storm was challenged by many rugby league fans alike and it is debatable that they have been playing at 100%. In my sweet and humble opinion, the Bunnies have been playing good footy – not bad, but not excellent either. If they want to break their premiership drought, they’re going to have to find that passion and hunger that is evident in other teams (Newcastle Knights) to beat the ever impressive Sea Eagles.

One of the things that I admire about the Sea Eagles are their loyal followers, and it’s hard not to argue that fact seeing as they have impressed year after year. While the player to watch for the Eagles has often been Brett Stewart, I would argue that the one to watch in the Eagles side is Kieran Foran – the (proud Kiwi) man has been a force to be reckoned with in recent weeks and has been in top form in the latter portion of the year. He has been a bloody outstanding five-eighth so John Sutton will have his work cut out for him.

SolSat’s Prediction: South Sydney Rabbitohs

This is a tentative tip, not because I am unsure of the Bunnies ability to win but because the Eagles are that damn good that I wouldn’t be surprised to see if I was wrong. I am basing 90% of my choice on the fact that since the beginning of the year, I have said that the Bunnies will make the grand final so I am sticking to that prediction. If I am wrong, however… there is no shame in losing a tip against the Eagles. Here’s to a good game of footy at my second most favourite stadium in the world.

Sydney City Roosters vs. Newcastle Knights

It is the premiership favourites versus the veteran underdogs as the Chookies collide with the Knights. The minor premiers for 2013 (the Roosters) last captured grand final glory in 2002 led by league great Brad Fittler. Coincidentally, the previous year’s Premiership was won by the Newcastle Knights who were led at the time by Fittler’s main ‘rival’, Andrew “Joey” Johns.

The Roosters have been favoured to win the grand final this year with the acquisition of solid footy players like Sonny Bill Williams and James Maloney – with the former, I would just like to point out that if I saw that man running at me, I would gladly relinquish the ball and put my head between my legs. Their side have incredible talent that could have this one easily if they knew how to execute their talents effectively, and not choke. Not that that’s a reference to anyone…

The Knights were written off earlier in the year with a decent start to the year, nothing outstanding, nothing bad. With the added pressure of making the top 8 later in the year, the Knights were slapped awake and went on a steamroller, their most impressive victory coming last week against the Storm. With this being Buderus’ last year in the NRL (for the second time), the Knights are keen to make Danny’s last year a golden one.

SolSat’s Prediction: Sydney City Roosters

I’m tipping with my head on this one because my heart is solely behind the Knights. I’m hoping for Buderus to go out with a win in the semi final and maybe even a grand final win but if not, that’s okay – there is no embarrassment about losing to the Chookies who have been hovering around the top rung of the ladder all year.

I haven’t been this excited about footy finals in ages, and one semi is being played right now. Peace out, SolSaters!

– by The Black Widow

25Sep2013

How to Get Dumped (On Purpose!)

Posted in Lifestyle by Nikki

This one’s for the ladies out there.

This is the desired effect, minus the falling in love at the end part. (CREDIT: issye Flickr page)

Have you ever been in a relationship with a man who is a nice guy and everything but you weren’t feeling that spark anymore? You really wanted to end things with him but didn’t have the heart to dump him because he was such a quality bloke? Or what about that guy you had a one night stand with and, thinking that was going to be it, you walk off and start receiving calls and messages from him saying “You’re not like any other girl he’s ever met”. You’re too kind to flip him the bird… so what do you do?

Well, if you’re either one of those girls, it’s simple: make him want to dump you. Inspired by one of my favourite movies How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, I am here to give the women out there tips and advice on how to make a guy find you so darn repulsive and irritating that he will be running away with his tail in between his legs.

Smother him in front of his friends
Men like to appear very unattached and masculine in front of their friends, so if you were to drop by at a footy night at his place with a basket full of muffins and strawberry milkshakes made for him and all of his friends, chances are you will nearly embarrass the man to death. Ask “pookie” if he wants you to tuck him into bed later that night or read him a bedtime story. Tell “sugarmuffin” how much you absolutely love him in front of his friends and recall a time where he was so romantic that his friends laugh. Cuddle up to him on the couch while he’s trying to watch his beloved Brisbane Broncos play the Bulldogs and continue interrupting his game by kissing him or telling him how cutesy wutesy he looks.

Channel your inner Cher Horowitz
You’ve seen Clueless right? About the vapid blonde who has a heart of gold? Well, amplify that by about 1000x and tell your man how absolutely horrified you were that the Manolo Blahnik’s you thought were on sale were actually mispriced. Errgh, what a tragedy! Men aren’t interested in your girly dilemmas and most likely will not understand them. No man will happily sit through a lecture about the differences between wax and laser hair removal, or why wearing lip gloss and lip stainer creates a better effect than lipstick. Bore him to tears with your femininity and he will be pissbolting out that door before you can even say Chanel.

Baby talk
Men like being men; strong, adult humans of the XY chromosome, so talking to them as if they’re cute puppies or adorable little toddlers will drive them insane. His name’s Michael? Not anymore! It’s Mikeypoobear from now on! Chris? Chrissyboy! David? Daveywavey! Also in reference to “Smothering him in front of his friends”, vamp up the baby talk so bad that you may even forget that he is actually a full-time working businessman. Grab those cheeks of his at the most inappropriate times and shout “GOOCHY GOOCHY GOO” and I will assure you, the last thing he is thinking is how much he wants to be with you.

Bring the future to you
You know what scares a man even more than a scary clown bed? The future, more specifically, paving his future from him. Sit him down with a nice bowl of strawberry ice-cream and tell him how you plan on moving to Los Angeles to follow your dream of becoming an actress after getting married to him in a traditional family wedding with four bridesmaids and groomsmen. When you’re living in Los Angeles, of course, he will be staying at home with your six children being the househusband because your aspirations are much more important than his. Your children will naturally be in the order of a boy, a girl, two boys, and two girls, and you would even know the names of these children whilst having this conversation over strawberry ice-cream. After finishing this discussion, if he is still sitting there… the man has issues.

Pointless phone calls and other forms of communication
Call that man in the middle of the night when he is trying to get some important Z’s in and tell him what you had to eat that entire day and whether or not he thinks you’re overweight or not. Write on his Facebook wall every 2 minutes with a cute love heart or smiley face or even both put together! Flood his text inbox with messages asking him what he is doing and whether he is thinking about you. Leave a dozen or so voicemessages on his phone asking where he is and why he isn’t answering his phone. I can’t think of a worse punishment to be honest.

Irrational jealousy
Jealousy is commonly associated with the colour green. You want to appear so green that the Hulk would be jealous of your cool tan. Call your man and when he picks up on the second ring, accuse him of cheating on you because he didn’t answer on the first. Ask for his Facebook password and when he questions why? Tell him it’s because he has other females as friends on Facebook and you want to see if any of them are inboxing him. Grill him for being closer with his mother than he is with you – because that’s a completely rational thought to have, right?

As you are reading this, I expect a few men will be cringing and even a few women might, because nothing would be more painful than having to sit through all of that for someone you apparently love. If that doesn’t work? Slap a restraining order on the bloke because there is no way someone sane will hang around after doing all that to him!

– by The Black Widow

18Sep2013

6 Worst Video Game Movie Adaptations… Ever

Posted in Entertainment, Movies, Video Games by Nikki

As a gamer — not a hardcore, intense gamer, but a gamer nonetheless — I always finish a (good) game and sit there and think “Man, I wish someone would make this into a movie so I can see it unfurl in live-action!” Hint hint, Last of Us. In saying that, there are sometimes when I think about punching myself for ever letting such a thought enter my head.

The following list compiled by myself are the worst excuses of live-action video game film adaptations ever made by humankind… ever. With these movies, maybe it was best left to the imagination… potentially change “maybe” to “definitely” and you’ve got yourselves a deal.

6. Mortal Kombat (1995)

Sonya and Cage having a heart to heart. Naw.

Of all the fighting game series that I have been introduced to in my twenty-year life span, Mortal Kombat is without a doubt my favourite, what with all the blood, gore and flying fireballs. And then they made a live-action movie. Granted, I was two when this movie was released but this movie is so atrociously bad that I enjoy it. The acting is really terrible saved only by the staunch badassness by Bridgette Wilson. The graphics are so cringeworthy, Ed Boon must’ve been rolling around in his grave. And he isn’t even dead. Also, why is Goro made out of plastic?

5. Max Payne (2008)

Why so serious, Marky Mark?

I’ve played maybe one Max Payne video game in my entire life and didn’t find it all that enthralling to be honest, but I at least had a fair idea of what should happen if it were made into a live action movie. Noting that they cast one of my personal favourites (Mark Wahlberg), I was expecting a pretty badass movie. What I received, however, was a cluster of confusion and “what the hell is going on?” I literally do not understand what happened in the movie – at all. People were shooting on a drug called valkyr which made the user hallucinate and see valkyrie flying in the air… and then they’d die. And Mila Kunis was in there somewhere. The solid acting of Mark Wahlberg is probably the only thing that is watchable about this film. God bless you, Marky Mark.

4. Street Fighter (1994)

The evil castle just blew up… let’s pose!

Another solid fighting video game series that decided to go the mile and make a live-action film was Street Fighter. With the casting of Jean Claude Van Damme who was probably the biggest Hollywood star at the time, what could possibly go wrong? Hmm, maybe everything, as it turned out. The acting, even on behalf of JCVD, was terrible. The characters were so far from the actual characters from the game, you wouldn’t even know who they were – Ryu and Ken, the main badass guys from the series, were made out to look like obnoxious teen dweebs. Let’s not forget to mention the blatant sexism in the movie; whenever Cammy and Chun Li interacted with each other, a comment about the other’s physical appearance was made like they were catty high school girls. Was that absolutely necessary? The saving light of this movie? JCVD is amazing.

3. Tekken (2010 film)

At least Roger Huerta was something to look at?

Speaking of fighting video game movie adaptations that got characters so wrong that it was sometimes hard to watch… here’s Tekken! Ever since Tekken 4, Christie Monteiro has been my go to gal, what with her cool capoeira moves and “Go easy on me!” starting line. Everyone and their dog know Christie’s fighting style is capoeira, so when (movie version) Christie announced she done some form of mixed martial arts… needless to say I was very disappointed. Not only that, but the serious no-bullcrap Nina was replaced by a promiscuous, Maxim covergirl lookalike who enjoyed her sister’s company – none of which are apparent in the game. Also as a sidenote, the storyline and fighting were atrocious. I was very, very unsatisfied by this film so much that I was angry that I had spent time watching it.

2. Alone in the Dark (2005)

You go girl!

One of the pioneers of the horror genre of video game, Alone in the Dark has had a cult following since its inception. When it was announced that Christian Slater and Tara Reid were cast, you would expect a pretty good movie. Wrong! So wrong! This movie had several plot holes, shotty acting and Tara Reid’s role in the movie was rather unnecessary other than something to look at and a romantic foil for Slater’s character. It had absolutely nothing to do with the video game series besides the character’s names and, just like the Tekken movie, I was angry that I had sat down and spent time to watch it.

1. Super Mario Bros. (1993)

They’re so happy, probably because the movie’s over.

One of the best things to happen in the year of 1993 was the birth of yours truly. One of the worst things to happen in that year, however, was the Super Mario Bros. live-action film that was so terrible, I would much rather eat a chilli soup than sit down and spend the near hour-and-a-half watching this. If there was one video game (series) that was pretty much destined to NOT turn into a live-action film, it was Mario and his whacky adventures. There was absolutely nothing right about this movie, besides the fact that Mario wore red and Luigi wore green. Definitely, in my humble opinion, the worst video game film adaptation ever. So far, at least.

So a quick wrap-up note to all the budding directors out there who may want to turn one of my favourite video games into a movie (cough cough Last of Us). Do so at your own peril, because if you portray it wrong, a bunch of nerds will be on your case so fast you won’t even have time to scratch your buttocks.

– by The Black Widow

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Summer Solstice Awards 2013

NRL Semi Finals Preview

How to Get Dumped (On Purpose!)

6 Worst Video Game Movie Adaptations… Ever