Tag Archives: lifestyle

Dating Nikki: The Break Up

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So you’re growing tired of your significant other for whatever reason – they smell and you can’t put up with it anymore, they’re a starfish in bed – and you have ultimately decided, after much thought, that you want to end the relationship. You want it to be as smooth and un-patchy as possible but, of course, something as harsh and hard-hitting as a break up isn’t going to be easy sailing.

Unless you’re dating someone with an irregular heartbeat who can keep calm in any situation, the break up is always going to be difficult.

Well well, look who’s here to help you out.

If only break ups were this easy... and pink.

If only break ups were this easy… and pink.

You want to be as honest as possible without being “too” honest. For example, if you are breaking up due to creative differences, you can’t just say “I want to break up because what you think is shit and wrong and I’m right”, as easy as that would be; you have to put it lightly. In saying that, you can’t lie either. The whole “it’s not you, it’s me” line is such a cop out that I’m sure an innocent baby cries every time this disgusting line is muttered.

Here are a few tips in case you need a little guidance to kick that guy/gal to the kerb… in a nice way:

[x] Plan what you’re going to say so you have a general guide as to how you’re going to do it. Don’t rehearse it so much that you say it word for word; the other person will pick up on the “rehearsal” and will assume you have been planning it for ages.
[x] Try not to be in a public place with a lot of people around. In case shit hits the ceiling, you don’t want poor innocent bystanders watching you with their best sympathetic glances as your now-ex hurls every four-letter-word at you underneath God’s blue sky.
[x] Make sure your mind is made up. If you start to second-guess yourself, it will only further enrage the other party.
[x] Be polite and calm in your delivery. The tone of your voice and how your speech is carried will have a huge impact on the reaction from the other person, so if you’re calm and polite, chances are that they will take it easier.
[x] Choose your words carefully. “You have no goals and are lazy as feck” is better expressed by saying “I feel as if we are looking for different things in life.” See what I did there? Genius.
[x] Don’t point out any faults in the other person or yourself. You shouldn’t have to end a relationship feeling crappy about yourself.
[x] If it’s not meant to be, it just isn’t meant to be. Don’t try and prolong it just because you think it’s going to work.
[x] OPTIONAL: do the break-up over ice-cream. Who am I kidding? This isn’t optional. Do it over ice-cream.

Another important rule that I really shouldn’t have to paint out (because it’s bleedingly obvious) yet a lot of people seem to do it: don’t go straight into another relationship or hook up with someone straight after. It’s inconsiderate and rude and people who do this are usually labelled a slapper; nobody wants to be labelled a slapper. “Jumping from one car to another” is just wrong.

And if you need any suggestions for types of ice-cream to break up over, may I suggest a hot fudge sundae with coffee ice-cream, whipped cream and nuts from Ben and Jerry’s? It works wonders.

– by The Black Widow

Dating Nikki: Double dating (and why it’s useful!)

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Double dating is useful when you want to get to know that special someone a little better without having that added pressure of being alone and intimate with them. If you aren’t talented at small talk, then I would suggest a double date as a first or second date to help you break the ice.

Serial double dating at its finest.

Serial double dating at its finest.

This fascinating concept is flexible and can be a great endeavour in the early stages of a relationship and even for the happily married. The double date is It’s a fun experience where you get to socialise and see how other couples date and, of course, spend that quality time with your special lady or gentleman. Speaking solely for those of you who are part of the former and are just establishing some form of connection with a significant other, this advice is for you.

The benefits of double dating
[+] The pressure of keeping a steady conversation flow is taken away from you with the presence of others. You may now relax.
[+] With you being relaxed, your date will also be relaxed, especially if they have a friend with them. This is beneficial because then you get to see them in their true, natural skin, not their “I have to act like I’m in a job interview to seem impressive” mode.
[+] Bored of hearing about how her hairdresser cut her hair wrong or how he scored the most amazing try on the weekend? You’ve got one of your gal pals or bros with you. Get reinvigorated with your mate there with you.
[+] I’m just going to put this one out there. You won’t feel tempted to have a quickie if you have another two sets of prying eyes there with you. If you’re there for the right reasons, then this is a benefit. Trust me.
[+] You have a wider variety of activities to do. You know how there are certain things you need a group to do? Ta da!
[+] More fun will be evident during a double date. Bowling with two people is fun, yeah, but with four? Outstanding.
[+] It’s a fantastic social experiment, therefore, do it.

Ideas for double dates
[x] A good ol’ fashion video game arcade is a great idea for a double date. You can compete in games in a free-for-all, couple vs. couple or girls vs. boys (or boys vs. boys, girls vs. girls in the same sex situation). Who doesn’t like a little competition?
[x] Go-karting. If you haven’t played Mario Kart, then you wouldn’t understand where I’m going with this one.
[x] Lazer tag. Same deal – free-for-all, couple vs. couple, etc. You also burn off mega calories in this thigh-burning exercise as well.
[x] Go for a hike or relaxing nature walk. Don’t do this at night, otherwise the Big Bad Wolf will eat you. (DISCLAIMER: not really)
[x] Board games and/or video games. BYO competitive spirit.
[x] Karaoke, because let’s be frank, karaoke is amazing.

Double dating is not an excuse to completely avoid alone time with your date, so find a free moment during the day or night to spend some quality time with your date, even if it’s the drive home to his or her house together. You’ll realise that you’re more comfortable being with each other just because of the success of the double date.

When you’re buying your first house together, you have me to thank.

You’re welcome.

– by The Black Widow

Friendships Defined by Facebook Birthday Messages

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When you see someone you know at the shops or something, you either think “Oh crap, turn around before they see you” or “Hey it’s Joe, I should go say hello to him.” When you’ve approached Joe, however, you’re stuck as to whether or not you should shake his hand, hug him, give him a good ol’ arse pat or kiss him on the cheek.

I should name this... "Noah's Friendship Theory".

I should name this… “Nikki’s Friendship Theory”.

Exactly when does someone become so close that they graduate from wave to handshake and handshake to hug? Well, I thought about this and I’ve figured it out – the level of love you have for a friend of yours can easily be found by the intensity of a birthday message you write to them on Facebook.

Here’s my theory (and for the examples, I’ll be using “Samantha”):

Wave and/or Smile
These are for people you kind of know but aren’t too close with. These are the ones you’d either “forget” to write to on their birthday, or you’d write something along the lines of:

Happy birthday Samantha.
Happy birthday!
Have a good one!

You don’t love them enough to put in a smiley face or a love heart or some level of enthusiasm to this message, therefore they would be categorised into “Wave and/or Smile”.

Handshake/Fistbump/Hi-five
These are the people who are your friends but you wouldn’t go out of your way to hang with them one on one in case of awkward silences and small talk. You would make an effort to write to these people on their birthday, however a high level of enthusiasm will not be present.

Happy birthday Sammi! Have a solid one!
Happy bday Samantha ❤
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 🙂

They have enough brownie points with you to garner a kind love heart or smiley face or even capital letters, but that’s it. Don’t be bothered going out of your way to write them a birthday paragraph on how much they mean to you.

Manhug or Awkward Hug-Pat
The awkward hug-pat, when you hug someone but you aren’t that comfortable so you pat them on the back awkwardly to “show some level of affection”, is a step up from a handshake. This one’s interchangeable, I guess; I have known one of my best friends (Rachel) for six years and we’ve been through a lot together and she still hug-pats me, much to my disappointment. These are your good friends that you haven’t established that strong, solid connection with yet. An example of their birthday message would be:

Happy birthday Samantha! Hope all your wishes come true! Love you.
Happy birthday to you Samantha. I hope you get absolutely shitfaced tonight!

These people warrant more than one sentence so that’s definitely saying something.

Bearhug, Cuddle and Kiss
These are your best friends or the friends that you are so close to that you share the same wardrobe. You have a clearly established relationship with this person and you are not worried to share your feelings with them, as such:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMANTHA YOU HOT BITCH. WOOOOO CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU TONIGHT!!
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Samantha, happy birthday to you! Love you baby girl ❤

You may even want to go that extra mile for this person and post a status on your wall dedicated to their birthday, talking about how much you love them, and maybe even add a cute picture of you two for extra oomph.

So next time you see Joe down the street and you think “How do I greet him?”, just think, “What would I write on his Facebook wall on his birthday?” Problem solved. You’re welcome.

– by The Black Widow

Dating Nikki: First date small talk

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Now introducing a new segment for Solstice Satisfaction… Dating Nikki! No, unfortunately you won’t be able to live your long dream of dating me, but you will be getting dating advice, tips and tricks from yours truly. Ta da!

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First date small talk…
Because you can’t exactly let the other person know just how unstable you are on the first date.

First impressions are the key on first dates and you want to be able to give off the vibe that you are one sick chick/cool dude. You should know enough about your date that it won’t be a complete mystery (unless it’s a blind date, in which case… stay tuned). Of course, this is the first time you have been intimate with this person in a dating sense, so there is bound to be some tension and/or awkwardness in the air. That is where your good friend “small talk” will come in.

You’re sitting down at the table at a nice restaurant: you have already broken the ice by telling her how beautiful she looks or telling him that he looks like Vin Diesel. You’ve exchanged weather pleasantries, talked about the safe drive to the destination and have been in awe of the font that the restaurant menu has used. Now where do you go?

DO

  • Ask how your date’s day and/or week has been.
  • Ask your date a little about their lifestyle – their employment, education, hobbies, etc. Try not to say “So what are your hobbies?” because I find that is a very difficult question to answer, and I have plenty of hobbies. If you find you have something in common, cling to that topic for a bit, but don’t let it dominate your conversation; you’ll sound forced if you do.
  • Play a little game of “Three Lies and a Truth” to break the ice and let your date know just how damn extreme you are. If you’re not extreme enough for Three Lies and a Truth, then go for 20 Questions (NOTE: change the number of questions at your desire)
  • Joke around with your date to take some of the awkward tension away. By joke, I don’t mean “So, a mate and I got drunk one night in a public bathroom…” kind of joke.
  • Share an interesting story about yourself that is relevant to your date or the conversation. If your date asks you how you are and you bring up a story about how your pet rabbit died ten years ago, then, well… just no.

DON’T

  • Bring up any past dates or romances. Ever. Ever. Ever.
  • (If at a dinner) Initiate conversation while your date is clearly trying to eat. They will feel pressured to keep up a conversation when all they want to do is eat.
  • Start a question with “So…” You’ll sound bored. And ignorant.
  • Make it so obvious that you’re keeping up small talk for the sake of making small talk. Unless you’re on something, which I strongly advise against on a first date, you will hate small talk. Don’t make it obvious that you hate it.
  • (If at a movie) Talk during the movie, unless it’s COMPLETELY necessary. Example: “Excuse me, I have to use the restroom” is accepted, “You should’ve seen what happened on the train today” is not.
  • Dominate the conversation. Each dater should have an equal amount of “air time”.

Small talk is uncomfortable for every party involved, so try and make it less painful for everyone by being confident and by being yourself. A forced small talker just seems fake, and, like, they have something shoved up their yoo-hoo. That’s bad, by the way.

Want a specific topic of the wide world of dating covered? E-mail me at widowslure@gmail.com and I will get to your dating plea as soon as possible.

Happy dating everyone!

– by The Black Widow