Author Archives: Nikki

My Wrestlemania 30, according to TEW 2013

Posted in Entertainment, Sports, Video Games by

I have enough time to pretend to run a wrestling company and run this site. I must be Superman.

TEW 2013, or Total Extreme Wrestling 2013 for those of you who aren’t in the know, is a wrestling simulator where the player can choose to book or totally own his/her own wrestling company. At first, with the default database, players can choose from fictitious wrestling companies with cartoonified wrestling personalities.

If you download the right database, of course, then you can run (or pretend to run) real life companies such as WWE and TNA. Me? I’ve been a WWE guy all my life.

How would Wrestlemania 30 have turned out if main evented by Daniel Bryan and CM Punk? (SOURCE: Miguel Discart's Flickr photostream)

How would Wrestlemania 30 have turned out if main evented by Daniel Bryan and CM Punk? (SOURCE: Miguel Discart’s Flickr photostream)

We all know what happened at the REAL Wrestlemania 30 – Daniel Bryan beating Triple H and then going on to beat Randy Orton and Batista to become the underdog World Heavyweight Champ – but that wasn’t my Wrestlemania 30. In fact, while it had its similarities, it was far from my Wrestlemania 30.

Now, as a way to fill space on my website, I present to you… Noah’s Wrestlemania 30!

Wrestlemania 30 Match card (in order of appearance):
Pre-show
Eddie Edwards wins a 30-man over-the-top-rope battle royal in his debut match
The Bella Twins (Brie and Nikki) (c) defeated Aksana and Tamina to retain the WWE Divas Tag Team Championships
Davey Richards (w/ Satisfaction) defeated Alberto Del Rio and Mike Bennett (w/ Eva Marie) in a triple-threat match
Kaitlyn won a Divas Battle Royal

Main card
Match #1
Randy Orton w/ Stacy Keibler vs. Christian
Ever since costing him a World title opportunity, Christian has had it in for Randy Orton. The two men had embroiled in several unsanctioned brawls and beatdowns and they were finally given the chance to settle their differences at Wrestlemania.
Winner: Randy Orton

Match #2
The Kings of Wrestling (Antonio Cesaro and Kassius Ohno) (c) vs. The Shield (Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins) vs. Brute Force (Jon Cutler and Mason Ryan) w/ Satisfaction vs. The Briscoes (Jay and Mark Briscoe) w/ Audrey Marie for the WWE Tag Team Championships
The Kings of Wrestling were praised when they defeated Ryback and manager Satisfaction for the WWE Tag Team Championships. Unhappy with this, Satisfaction set Brute Force after them. Meanwhile, the Briscoes and the Shield had gotten into their own rivalry and it was decided that all four teams would battle it out for the gold.
Winner: The Kings of Wrestling

Match #3
Dolph Ziggler vs. Cody Rhodes w/ Charlotte
Dolph Ziggler showed why he is dubbed “Mr Steal Your Girl” after pursuing Cody Rhodes’ girlfriend, Charlotte Flair. Rhodes didn’t take too kindly to this and began physically tormenting Ziggler. The two men were given the opportunity to duke it out at Wrestlemania with the devious Charlotte at ringside.
Winner: Dolph Ziggler

Match #4
Kelly Kelly (c) vs. AJ Lee vs. Natalya w/ Blade Hart vs. Angelina Love for the WWE Divas Championship
Kelly Kelly had been a fighting champion ever since winning the Divas title back at the Royal Rumble. Kelly made a tag team pact with Angelina to fight off AJ Lee and Natalya at Elimination Chamber, but soon it was every woman for herself. Alliances were broken and every Diva knew that their could only be ONE Divas Champion.
Winner: AJ Lee (NEW Divas Champion)

Match #5
The Undertaker vs. The Big Show vs. The Miz
The Big Show and the Miz had been arguing over who was going to get the shot at Undertaker’s Wrestlemania streak, feuding all the way from late December to early April. An executive decision was made that both men would get their shot Undertaker in a triple threat match.
Winner: The Undertaker

Match #6
Roman Reigns (c) vs. Novakaine w/ Satisfaction for the WWE United States Championship
Roman Reigns made a big name for himself after breaking away from the Shield, his biggest victory coming when he defeated the seemingly unstoppable Novakaine for the US title. It wasn’t long before Satisfaction had sicked Novakaine on his rival, telling his client to win the United States gold back at any cost.
Winner: Roman Reigns

Match #7
Kofi Kingston (c) vs. Sheamus vs. Adrian Neville vs. Wade Barrett vs. Ted DiBiase vs. Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Colter in a six-pack challenge for the WWE Intercontinental Championship
Kofi Kingston, Adrian Neville, Wade Barrett and Ted DiBiase had been quarreling over the Intercontinental Championship for quite some time, while Sheamus and Jack Swagger attempted to settle their own differences as well. It was decided that Sheamus and Swagger would join the fight for the gold in a six-pack challenge where the winner takes all.
Winner: Jack Swagger (NEW Intercontinental Champion)

Match #8
The Rock vs. Ryback w/ Satisfaction in a Last Man Standing Match
Ryback and his handler, Satisfaction, had been a thorn in the Rock’s side in the past few months. After suffering a loss against Ryback at Wrestlemania 29 in a triple threat also featuring John Cena, the Rock was looking for revenge, especially after the hellish torment at the hands of Satisfaction.
Winner: The Rock

Match #9
John Cena (c) vs. Batista vs. Brock Lesnar for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
John Cena had been a fighting champion ever since beating the conniving Chris Jericho. After a brutal attack at the hands of Brock Lesnar, it seemed as if Cena had met his match… until Batista inserted himself into the picture. It was decided by the power that be that Cena would defend his title against both men in a triple threat.
Winner: John Cena

Match #10
Eva Marie vs. Lacey Von Erich in a Playboy Pillowfight match
It was only a matter of time for “Red Hot” Eva Marie to land the cover of Playboy. It wasn’t until she began rubbing it in everyone’s faces that Lacey Von Erich took exception to it. The two beautiful Divas had been clawing at each other ever since – even involving Eva’s boyfriend Mike Bennett and Lacey’s cousins Ross and Marshall – and were set to fight it out at Wrestlemania.
Winner: Eva Marie

Match #11
CM Punk (c) vs. Daniel Bryan for the WWE Championship
It was a true underdog Cinderella story for Daniel Bryan. After winning a 40-man Royal Rumble, Bryan kept his decision to himself as he fended off then-rival Cody Rhodes. After stating that he would chase Punk’s WWE Championship, the two ring technicians would collide at the main event of Wrestlemania.
Winner: Daniel Bryan (NEW WWE Champion)

Mine’s A LOT better than the real one, isn’t it?

– by The Black Widow

Life with Vertigo, Anxiety and an irrational fear of Odd Numbers

Posted in Lifestyle by

Being normal is so overrated anyway, right?

Among other things, I have several “problems” that contribute to my “intricate personality”, some of which include:

vertigo; noun; a sensation of whirling and loss of balance, associated particularly with looking down from a great height, or caused by disease affecting the inner ear or the vestibular nerve; giddiness.

anxiety; noun; a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.

disparnumerophobia; noun; the fear of odd numbers.

Vertigo, probably made most famous by the Alfred Hitchcock film Vertigo, is more common than one would think; however, with people like me, it happens a whole lot easier than to someone who will only experience the feeling of vertigo when looking down from a great height. That one strong feeling of dizziness and nausea someone may experience when sitting in a ferris wheel is exactly how I feel when looking down a set of steps or when sitting on a children’s rollercoaster.

Anxiety is also more common than one would imagine. My anxiety stems from a lack of control which has thus made me become a major control freak. If I can’t predict the outcome of a situation or I don’t know what’s going to happen, I’m set off. I was even reduced to a panic attack watching game two of State of Origin this year because I was unsure of the outcome. If I once had control over a situation and had that control taken away from me, you can bet your bottom dollar I will be reduced to a panic attack.

Finally, disparnumerophobia, or the fear of odd numbers, is also more common. It’s become a “thing” on Facebook to not have TV volumes on odd numbers, but my fear stretches even further than that; if I press the button at the lights, I’ll have to press it an even amount of times otherwise I fear lightning will strike me. Even when I’m eating, I count how many times I chew and how many times I swallow in case of the odd-numbered-lightning strike. Someone who doesn’t have disparnumerophobia may think it is a funny concept, but it actually takes control of my life more than you’d think.

Singularly, having each of these is a slight problem, but put them all together and you’ve got yourself a very different life.

So... high... but I want to pay attention!

So… high… but I want to pay attention!

Let me paint a picture for you. I was lucky enough to receive tickets to attend the Super Rugby grand final this year at ANZ Stadium. Waratahs v Crusaders, the latter of which being my second team in Super Rugby. Plus, these tickets were free. Sounds like fun, right? Well, little did I know that these tickets were very, very, very high up. I didn’t have a problem with the seats being far back, it was just the height that got to me.

Walking up the stairs to get to the seats was probably the most harrowing experience I’ve had in recent years. I struggled to do a simple exercise like walking up stairs. I had to grip onto the rail for dear life and take the steps one at a time for fear that I might tumble down the stairs and roll off into a pit of death, and screaming Waratahs fans.

I look down at my ticket… it’s an odd numbered seat. Suddenly, my anxiety kicks in and I’m thinking about all the bad things that’ll happen in the world because I have to sit on an odd numbered seat.

I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I literally can’t do this.

Luckily, there was pretty much no one at the back and I got to sit wherever, which included sitting down on an even numbered seat. Life was all good.

Until I looked down at the field and my vertigo returned after a short break. I begun to think about all the ways I could tumble down the rows in front of me and eventually roll onto the field in a bloody heap. So much so that I could barely pay attention to the Super Rugby final being played in front of me.

Having these “problems” for lack of a better word have made my life a bit less cruisey than a life without them, but I think they make me what I am. I am a strong-willed spitfire pot of sass because I’ve had to deal with my crippling fear of heights and odd numbers and the fact that I overthink everything.

In a sense, I don’t regret having these minor issues or resent having them. In fact, I think I’m embracing them and am learning to deal with it better than most. Because I’m a strong independent men who only needs chocolate in the world.

– by The Black Widow

(If you or someone you know is dealing with anxiety and it is becoming uncontrollable, please seek support immediately. Check Beyond Blue for addition details)

My Very Specific View on Marriage

Posted in Lifestyle, Opinion by

Marriage isn’t for everyone. If anything has been made clear in the 21st century, it is that.

In today’s society, it is rare and almost a huge a shock if a celebrity couple get married and stay married. Divorce isn’t a weird concept anymore and rough figures suggest that almost half of marriages end in divorce.

In my sweet and humble opinion (IMSAHO, for future reference), I attribute this to one simple thing (or two if you really think about it). One thing that nearly every couple does. One thing that has been customary so no one really thinks too much of it. One thing that, when you really think about it, is not necessary to marriage at all.

This one thing is weddings (and honeymoons).

What problem could I have with these two lovebirds? Read on and find out. (SOURCE: Andrew Morrell's Flickr photostream)

What problem could I have with these two lovebirds? Read on and find out. (SOURCE: Andrew Morrell’s Flickr photostream)

Watching wedding shows like Don’t Tell the Bride and Say Yes to the Dress have me draw my own conclusion: people are way more focused on the materialistic things of the wedding that they are forgetting the most important of any wedding… getting married to the person that you love.

In these shows – and from my other observations – it’s evident that couples care way too much about what other people think about them; therefore, they spend all this money on having the best venues and the best food and the best gowns and tuxedos that they forget that they are eternally binding themselves to one person for the rest of their lives because they are in love. Forking out thousands upon thousands of dollars for a 2+ hour ceremony celebrating two people is, to me, ridiculous and unnecessary.

Sure, there may be other problems in the marriage that may cause a couple to divorce: adultery, a different view on the future, or my personal favourite, “irreconcilable differences”, but I think that if two people are getting married for the right reasons – binding yourself to the love of your life because you want to spend the rest of your lives together – then they will last longer than the couple who are looking forward to their honeymoon more than their future of growing old together and rocking on wooden chairs holding hands.

Think about all the money that goes to weddings and honeymoons that could go to better use somewhere. A car? A house? Savings? These TV programmes that show women forking out up to $250,000 for a wedding and honeymoon are, excuse my French, fucked up.

If I were to ever get married, should I choose to, there will be no wedding. No honeymoon. No reception. No food. None of that crap. We will go to a small chapel with only the priest and a witness (if necessary), elope, and then go home and sleep in our bed as if nothing special happened. Then, and only then, will we tell our family and friends the next day that we got married.

I get that your loved ones want to celebrate your marriage and your love and that’s fine. They can just do it in their own time.

As for me, if it were to be my dream scenario? I would get eloped in a onesie. With ug boots on.

And I would be the happiest man alive.

– by The Black Widow

The Beautiful People: George “Ferocious” Kambosos Jr

Posted in People, Sports by

Cocky, brash and arrogant are just a few words that could describe young George “Ferocious” Kambosos Jr.

“I want them to remember my name,” he says.

Fit, strong, and determined... and he's only 21. (SOURCE: George Kambosos Jr's Facebook page)

Fit, strong, and determined… and he’s only 21. (SOURCE: George “Ferocious” Kambosos Jr’s Facebook page)

Looking at the ripped young man from Cronulla covered in ink, you wouldn’t suspect that he was once bullied for being fat when he was younger.

The 21-year-old first got into boxing when he was 11 years old as a way to get into shape during the rugby league off season. While George insists that he was not “heavily bullied”, comments from his school peers like “you’re fat” may have ultimately led him to where he is today.

“My dad said ‘…let’s start getting you a little bit fitter in the off season. What do you want to do?’ So I took up boxing for a bit,” says Kambosos Jr.

“I went from running laps coming last to the next season coming first.”

This simple way to get fitter turned out to be a “life changing” thing for Kambosos Jr.

“I fell in love with it,” he says.

His upcoming fight with Robert “Gummy” Toomey (Friday August 29 at Club Punchbowl for the Australian Lightweight Title) has George’s full attention, where he is prepared to walk out to the meeting before the bout wielding a packet of gummy bears to taunt his opponent, a move that he says “no Australian boxer really does”.

“I like to always stick to a fight. August 29 is my main objective. If you look too far in the future, you end up falling too early,” says Kambosos Jr.

His cocky approach to his upcoming fight, along with his almost arrogant attitude, stem from a pure love of the sport that he fell into as a child.

“It’s a sport. As much as it kill or be killed, it’s a sport,” says Kambosos Jr.

“Without boxing, I don’t know where I’d be.”

He sums up his love for boxing by saying, “This is my livelihood. I don’t know anything else. This is what I do.”

The sport of boxing can prove to be difficult to ascend up the ladder especially in Australia. Kambosos Jr was well aware of this and took it upon himself to get his name out there by combining his brash confidence with the benefits of social media.

“It’s a very tough gig… trying to get that fame and get people behind you,” he says.

With Toomey targeted, Kambosos Jr used social media to get into his head and provoke a reaction to score a fight that is the biggest fight of his life.

“I called him [Toomey] out,” he says. “(I said) ‘Toomey, you’re the champ. Let’s get it on, it’s the fight Australia wants to see’.

“That went onto a big boxing site and exploded on comments.

“Two days later, I got a call from the promoter. Fight’s on.”

Underneath the hard exterior and confident swagger lies a lion whose hard work ethic and determination to be the best wiped out any desire to cut corners to come first when he was a kid. Literally.

“All the kids (would be) cutting the corners and I’d be running normal,” he recalls. “My dad was like ‘Why don’t you cut the corners? You might finish second last’.

“(I replied with) ‘I’m going to do it the right way. I don’t care if I come last, it’ll pay off eventually in the long run’,” says Kambosos Jr.

It would seem overcoming adversity runs in the Kambosos family. George Kambosos Sr – Jr’s paternal grandfather – originally came to Australia from Greece with nothing. He worked hard at two jobs to set up his family to make it what it is today.

“No one disagrees with my choice of boxing,” says Kambosos Jr. “My dad’s always there by my side. He looks after a lot of the behind-the-scenes stuff that I shouldn’t be worrying about. My mum’s there making sure I’m eating healthy.”

George’s father Jim Kambosos believes that while boxing isn’t something that every parent wants their child to do, he and his wife are more than happy to support George in his sporting career.

“He took a passion and love for it and he found exactly what he wanted to do because he had a talent for it. We supported him rather than kind of turning him away from it,” says Jim.

“We just said, ‘Look, if that’s what you want to do, we’ll support you in every way.’ We’ve always supported him and we always will.”

George’s love for his family extends to the skin of his body, most of which is covered by ink from his chest, arms and even to his ankles.

“That’s my hobby outside of boxing,” says George regarding his tattoos. “Everything means something to me.”

Branded across his chest in ink is a phrase that George calls one of his mottos: Dream without fear.

“That works with not just boxing but it works anything. Don’t let nothing (sic) stop you.”

– by The Black Widow