Dating Nikki: The “right time”

Posted in Dating Nikki, Lifestyle by

Dear Nikki,

I have been on a couple of dates with this guy that I really like. We’ve kissed and have had an enormous amount of chemistry. We’re going on our third date this weekend and I’m really nervous. I think he’s expecting us to have sex and I think it’d be best if I give it to him although I don’t think I’m ready. I’m worried he might leave me if I don’t give him what he wants. When do you think it is appropriate to have sex for a dating couple?  My friends have told me that having sex on the third date is “slutty” and that I should wait until I’m ready.

Please help!

Wishful Thinking Dater

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Dear Wishful Thinking Dater,

What is the “right time” to put out for a dating couple? To sum it up in five words: there is no right time.

Whenever you feel you’re ready to take that next step and give that part of you to him, go for it. Don’t feel pressured by him or your friends just because of what they will think of you regarding your decision. There is no set time limit for when you “have” to have sex. Don’t listen to all those sources that believe in the “second date rule” or even the “hold out until you’re married” rule. You do what is best for you. If you’re comfortable having sex on this third date, go for it. If you’d be more comfortable to have sex on the twentieth date, then do it on the twentieth date. Neither makes you slutty nor prudish; it just means you’re in charge of your body and you will do whatever the hell you want with it. Hell, people have sex on the first date, and that is perfectly okay. Everyone’s limits are different… no two human beings are the same!

If the bloke you’re seeing truly respects you and is ultimately the right man for you, he will respect your wishes and wait for whenever both of you are completely ready to take the plunge (sexual pun not intended at this time). If he tries to pressure you into doing things that you don’t want to, then dump his ass on the kerb because he ain’t the right man for you. Then again, he might not even be ready so you may be creating problems in your mind that aren’t even there.

Alternatively, if you are open-minded about doing some other raunchy things, set out some boundaries between you and your man if and when the time arises. By that, I don’t mean walk into your date and say “You can touch me down there with your fingers and that’s it… by the way, what’s for dinner?” When the situation gets hot and heavy, that’s when you bust out the limits. A true gentleman will respect that about you and will be more than happy to cater to your needs.

The moral of the story is this: you are in charge of your body and your womanly needs; not him, not your friends, not even good ol’ #DatingNoah here. Do it whenever you feel is right. When the right time comes along, I can assure you that your act of fornication will be that much more fantastic than if you did it when you weren’t too comfortable with your decision.

I hope this sets your mind at ease. Go out and have fun this weekend… and go the Broncos!

– by The Black Widow

If you have a question or need some good ol’ fashioned blunt advice from #DatingNikki, use the Contact page on our website and put in your comment “Subject: Dating Nikki” or alternatively send me an e-mail at widowslure@gmail.com and put “Dating Nikki” in the subject line. I will respond to your cries for help as soon as possible!

Bad Days: Good Moments

Posted in Lifestyle by

Fellow SolSat readers, I have just had one of those days. The kind of day when you’re late for work, and your Ipod runs of battery. Everyone seems to be out in the sunshine loving life and you’re stuck in the cold forgetting what made you upset in the first place. The little bullshit things have a habit of building up during the day and making you wish you had an emergency stash of energy and happiness somewhere in your body. I thought, to counteract the silly shitty things that happen, maybe I’ll make a list of the tiny good things, the things that sometimes have the ability to make your day the best in your life so far. So I did this, and I was surprised to see my mood elevating even at the mere thought of these things. Here is my list of my personal favourite little feelings, and if you’re someone prone to letting the little bad things effect you I’d suggest making your own.

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(All gifs by Pusheen Corp.)

Washing your face: At the start of the day, after you’ve slept on your face all night and built up sleep in your eyes, nothing beats clearing it all away. It’s especially nice if you have a wash with those micro-massaging beads, and it’s a bonus if it smells like honey or vanilla or any other heavenly scent.

Every sip of coffee: It doesn’t matter if it’s strong and black or milky with five sugars; you have it the way you want it, and the way you want it is delicious. Especially on icy mornings, when you can’t find your slippers and your feet have to brave the cold tiles of your floor. It’s okay. Coffee is your buddy, it’ll warm you up from head to toe. tumblr_m0afdxYVEw1qhy6c9o2_250

The best part of a song: Generally any song you enjoy listening to will lift your spirits, but I find the most satisfying listen to be with so-so songs. Songs that you’re only listening to for that one part in the middle or towards the end; a breakdown, a guitar solo, a shift in key. Maybe you listen to the entire song, you wade through the average parts all the way to your favourite bit; and the pay-off is oh-so-sweet.

An I love you: You could go through a lot of these in a day. Most of the time it’s uttered as a habit when you’re saying goodbye or writing it at the end of a birthday card. But the spontaneous and meaningful ones can make a day. When someone looks into your eyes and says it, with no infliction, and not even needing you to say it back. Or when your mum calls and she says it, but she draws it out, and you find that if you don’t hang up straight away neither will she. tumblr_lkv2y2zagH1qhy6c9o1_400

Making something well: A dish you make might be good, it’s good that you even know how to make it, but sometimes it is magical. You take the first bite and finally think: yes, this is it, I have perfected this. I get the same relief when writing, after working on a piece for months and suddenly realising that in your fourteenth draft you can’t find any errors. It’s finally ready. That is one moment I wish there were more of. 200-1

Money in hand: That feeling at the end of the work week when your boss drops some fresh cash into your palm. After you’ve soldiered on, gotten up early, turned up on time every day and tried your damned hardest all week. Slacking off at work will never bring the same triumphant feeling. It’s great when your hard labour is rewarded.

These are just a few that I try to think of when I’m down. Not all of them are achievable at any given moment, but just knowing that it could happen sometime in the future is such a sweet thought.

(For more Pusheen: http://pusheen.com)

− by Josefina Huq

Review: Searching for Someday

Posted in Books, Entertainment by

I bought this book from my local Dymocks and then left it at work and assumed I had lost it and then began to throw a tantrum because I was looking forward to reading it that much. So did Searching for Someday worth the hype of throwing a tantrum over? Let’s find out!

The first of a new saucy series by Jennifer Probst. (SOURCE: Jennifer Probst's website)

The first of a new saucy series by Jennifer Probst. (SOURCE: Jennifer Probst’s website)

Searching for Someday by Jennifer Probst is the first of a series that follows the life of Kate, who may or may not be a witch. She has this “gift” from her ancestors that she can sense when two people are meant to be together just by touching them. Intense right? So she uses her powers for good and has started a matchmaking agency with her two friends. Kate is a beautiful virgin who keeps to herself and has no time for man, until Slade Montgomery walks in – the hot divorce lawyer who wants to take Kate’s matchmaking agency to the shedhouse for being a “scam”. A matchmaker and a divorce lawyer… sounds like a total mess, doesn’t it?

The storyline was okay. I wasn’t appalled by it but at the same time I wasn’t too enthralled by it (totes rhymed!) As most love and romance novels are easily predictable, I didn’t go into this book expecting much. But this story was so predictable that I pretty much didn’t have to finish it to figure out the ending, but at least the track towards the destination was great. The intense, erotic chemistry between Kate and Slade was interesting to read and their interactions were almost always entertaining. Their first kiss after that yoga session was… oh golly.

I am clearly an avid reader of adult romance novels and am very familiar with how a written sex scene goes. If a sex scene is done well, it comes off great and can even get the reader “in the mood”. If it isn’t written well, however, it comes off as dirty and trashy and it gives adult romance novels a bad name. One thing that I cannot stand in sex scenes is the use of the “p word” for vagina. Unfortunately for Probst, she used the “p word” freely during the intimate moments of the novel and it completely ruined the scene for me. I just think that there are so many words for vagina nowadays that you can use any one of them and still be better than the “p word”. If one word is going to be a let down in the novel – and warrant an entire paragraph in a book review – then that is saying something.

As a character, Kate was passable. She had her funny moments and she was easily relatable and likeable, especially with her ADORABLE dedication to her dog Robert, but other than that, she had the “typical romance book heroine” character to her – insecure, shy, unaware of how hot she is, etc. Slade’s character was also quite the romance book stereotype of being cocky, wealthy and arrogant but had the body of Adonis. I didn’t particularly love either one of them but they were both easily likeable so that’s definitely a plus.

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Storyline: 6.5/10
Style of writing: 6.5/10
Overall: 6.5/10

Searching for Someday is a solid read if you’re looking for a hot, steamy love affair between two polar opposite characters. If this is any indication of how the rest of the series will go, we should be in for a ride.

– by The Black Widow

Mastering Life in Your 20s…

Posted in Lifestyle by

I recently read a blog post entitled “10 Things Everyone in Their 20s Should Be Doing.” I thought it’d be a good idea to do some research since I am turning 20 in a few weeks.

Turns out I was wrong. This list should have been called “10 Things Everyone Should Be Doing Regardless of Age Because They Are Just Common Sense”.

  1. Eat more fruit and veges
  2. Drink water
  3. Exercise at least three times a week

Blah, blah, blah.

None of this is 20s specific. I already do all of those things. Except number 7, which was “Get involved in a group sport.” The list justified this as a good way to get fit and socialise, but anyone who knows me knows that I generally don’t like people, or groups, or sports that require coordination.
I also don’t do number 10, which is “Travel” because I am an almost 20 year old arts student. I do not now, nor will I ever, have enough money to travel further than my parents’ house every other weekend.

Step Brothers: basically just an entire film about what happens when you fail your 20s…

Since I have a pathological need to be right- and to mock things I find to be outright ridiculous, like this list- I came up with my own list of 10 Things Everyone in Their 20s Should Be Doing.

  1. Learn to Cook.
    Moving away from home for uni/study/general escape from rules and CSI reruns is great until you realise that Mi Goreng and toast are not a legitimate meal plan. Mixing it up with some basics like French Toast, Bolognese and fresh soups is a really good idea.
  2. Master the Washing Machine.
    Whites, colours, darks and towels all need to be sorted, washed separately and ironed once dry.  While my brother chooses to stubbornly ignore my teachings, I have faith that you, the lovely SolSat readers are much smarter than he is.
    The next lesson here is, of course, the machine itself. Hot wash, cold wash, low/mid/high water levels, front loader vs. top loader, and what-the-hell-bloody-brand-of- powder-do-I-buy!? Relax. Set your machine to cold wash and mid water level so you’re always good to go. Get the brand of powder that smells the best and make sure to check that the label clearly matches your machine ie: if you have a top loader, get top loader powder.
    Also, fabric softener is a money making conspiracy. It does nothing. Save your $6.
  3. Learn to Change a Tyre.
    Most people get their license at 18, buy a car at 19 and have a wonderful time with it all. Super, except that about 75% of people in their 20s don’t know how to change a tyre, put water in their washer bottles or change their oil. For the women this isn’t such a  big deal because we can flirt with the guys from roadside assist or convince a passing motorist to take pity on us, but guys don’t have that option. It’s a sad stereotype, but everyone expects you to be able to do this for yourself.
  4. How To Hold A Baby.
    Yes. This makes it into the top 5 because this the point in your life when your friends/siblings/colleagues are about to start procreating and whether you like it or not, at some point you’re going to be asked to hold their offspring.
    Did anyone else play Operation as a kid? Well, babies are a lot like that. One wrong move and they start making a god-awful noise that freaks you out more than the thought of actually dropping them. Remember; tuck their head into the crook of your elbow and support from below.
  5. Tie A Necktie.
    You can’t pass for young and deliberately scruffy anymore. You are, albeit reluctantly, an adult. It’s time to start dressing like one. Leave the pre-ties to the hipster kids and man up.
  6. Master Chopsticks.
    No, not that weird piano piece. I mean legitimate, Mr Miagi chopsticks. In your 20s, you do a lot of hipster/cheap activities (because they’re basically the same thing) like hanging out in China Town or Japanese Restaurants. If you want to immerse yourself in another culture, try using their table manners, too.
  7. Dress To Impress.
    The waistband of your jeans belong- wait for it- on your waist. None of this halfway-down-my-butt nonsense. You look ridiculous, and I think your common sense has escaped, along with your dignity, through your exposed crack.
    Spots and stripes do not belong together. That’s not avant-garde or unique or cool. It’s uncomfortable to look at.
    And just a heads up, real mean wear pink. Ladies love a man in pink.
  8. Argue With Respect.
    No, this isn’t an oxymoron. In our 20s, we’ve all got really strong opinions about everything from politics to which Kardashian we like best. Some things aren’t worth losing friendships over, so make sure you keep their feelings in mind. Use phrases like “I understand where you’re coming from, but…” and “Consider this…” rather than just shutting the other person down entirely.
  9. Make a Fire.
    Not in a supermarket or anything like that – I do not advocate pyromania. What I mean is that 20-somethings should be camping and cooking and all doing all that outdoorsy shit. If the cavemen could do it without a YouTube tutorial, you should be able to do it as well.
  10. Perform Basic First Aid.
    This should probably have been number 1, but I’m not going back and changing things now. The ability to perform CPR or properly splint broken bones is incredibly undervalued. Life skills like this one, quite apart from being insanely practical, look great on resumes and first dates. First Aid Classes aren’t expensive, so they’re definitely something to look into.

Also, a mate of mine really wanted me to add “Dispose Of A Body” to this list. I’m slightly concerned as to why, but here is his justification:

“Not because I need to hide a body at the moment, or plan to at any stage, but hey – we can’t predict the future. I just think everyone should have a plan in mind. I, for example, would probably dig a big hole on a farm somewhere and just drop that sucker in. Or feed it to the pigs that live on the farm… yeah, I’d probably go with the pigs.”

And on that note, I’m off to make sure my doors are locked.

− by Blaire Gillies