The Intentional Loss of IQ Points

This may just be me, but I’m sure more people out there do this.

Do you really Eva? DO YOU REALLY? (SOURCE: E! Online website)

Do you really Eva? DO YOU REALLY? (SOURCE: E! Online website)

For the purpose of this article, I will be using a fictional girl named Samantha. Now, the heroine of our story is studying a degree in psychology at a well renowned university in Sydney. She is getting good grades in all of her units and has an above average IQ. Samantha is also a very physically attractive girl who would rather bury her nose in books than take shots on a Saturday night. She also works part time in a fashion boutique.

Enter James, the strapping young Dave Franco look-a-like who walks into Samantha’s place of employment looking for a nice button-up shirt to wear to a dinner.

“Hi,” he says with a bright perfectly toothed smile, “do you have any nice shirts I could wear tonight? I’m going to a formal dinner and need to look somewhat presentable.”

Samantha, who usually doesn’t let anyone else jeopardise her intelligence, begins giggling and twirling the ends of her hair – a very uncharacteristic trait for Samantha – and motions him towards a fine range of silky cotton shirts she has.

“These are great,” exclaims James, “I think I might grab two. How much would that be?”

Knowing quite well that two shirts would equal to $100, Samantha continues to giggle and places her hands on her hips.

“Oh my god,” she says delightfully, “I can’t add that in my head. I totes haven’t done math since like high school.”

James, completely oblivious to Samantha’s flirting, grabs two shirts and enters the dressing room to try them on.

“Tell me how you go in there, babe,” Samantha says, a word that doesn’t exist in Samantha’s vocabulary.

What is it about being in the presence of attractive or inspiring people that automatically renders someone slightly less intelligent than usual? I know I suffer from this and most of the time, I’m not even doing it on purpose.

I recall a time that only happened recently where I was talking to someone, trying to look calm and cultured, and while this conversation was happening, I was urging myself not to touch my hair (a body language gesture that is usually associated with someone who’s absent-minded and vacuous) even though I don’t even have hair to play with.

I don’t even want to delve into how many times I’ve awkwardly giggled at someone even if what they had said or done wasn’t even the slightest but funny.

Samantha’s situation could be the same from a guy’s perspective when they do “rebellious” things that are not of their nature.

Why does this happen though? Why do people feel as if they need to dumb themselves down to impress someone when an intellectual conversation on worldly matters is more than or equally attractive to a pair of half-exposed breasts or some cheese grater abs.

I personally think that celebrity culture – movies, books, TV shows, etc. – have made it seem like playing dumb for a guy or a girl will make you seem more attractive to them. While it may work for some people, it is not always the case. I’m in the mindset that “being who you truly are” is the most attractive thing a person can be because you can tell that they are comfortable in their own skin.

Sure, there are times when playing dumb will work to your advantage – getting out of a fine anyone? – but truth be known that intelligence is sexy. Lord knows I find someone more interesting if they have a wide range of interests as opposed to someone who likes “working out at the gym 24/7”.

I cannot drill this in enough; be who you truly are and the type of person that you want to attract will come barging your door down.

And please, cut the “I can’t even” talk down. So cringeworthy.

– by The Black Widow

What We Learned in Origin 2014

The biggest sporting series in Australia is now over.

State of Origin 2014 saw angry words thrown around, dodgy calls made by the refs, butterfingers dropping balls at the most crucial times, and people not seeing a pass being thrown at them. Oh, and Oscar winning “injury” performances from players.

But if there are a few specific things that we have learned over the Origin series, these would be it:

(DISCLAIMER: As a loyal Queensland supporter, I will try my darndest to be as liberal as possible regarding the situation)

Because if anyone was going to be the thumbnail of this piece, it was Cozza. (SOURCE: Queensland Maroons Facebook page)

Because if anyone was going to be the thumbnail of this piece, it was Cozza. (SOURCE: Queensland Maroons Facebook page)


1. Corey Parker can offload from a boat in Switzerland completely blindfolded and still do it properly

Now I’m not just saying this because he is so obviously my most favourite player in the game – and possibly one of my biggest idols in the world – but Corey Parker is the King of offloads. While he missed game two due to an unfortunate facial fracture, Parker’s performances in game one and three were so outstanding that even I was surprised of all the tricks he was pulling out of his tight sleeves. It’s just like… how? His performance last night in game three was definitely worthy of the Man of the Match award he was so rightfully given. Well done, Cozza!

2. Trent Hodkinson is as great as everyone makes him out to be
I was personally not sold on Hodkinson being the halfback for NSW because I didn’t think he was that great in the Doggies. I just thought he was okay… above average at best. However, Hodkinson and his dark, dark soulless eyes proved me wrong, especially in game two where he brokeded my heart and won the series for NSW. Sadface. He’s actually a stellar playmaker for both the Blues and the Doggies and I will go on the record and apologise for selling him short.

3. Not everyone is cut out for Origin
So I went into the series believing that Dave Taylor was the most in-form forward in the league and it was a travesty that he wasn’t selected to be part of the team for game one. Alas, in game two, my prayers were answered, and Taylor proved me… wrong. I would literally cringe watching him get the ball because I knew it would be a matter of time before he dropped it. The same could be said for Matt Gillett and Chris McQueen. Both of these Queensland players are outstanding in their respective clubs – Gillett being in best career form for the Broncos – but in the Maroons side, they kind of failed. The same could be said about last year’s Blues halves, Mitchell Pearce and James Maloney.

4. Origin is more emotional than people think
During the last moments of game two, my anxiety kicked in and I literally had a panic attack over the game. After we lost the series in the most disappointing game two I’ve ever seen, you know what I did? I cried. I shed actual tears over a rugby league game. I retired to my bedroom to cry some more, and then my sister joined me, and then we ate Maltesers in the dark in complete silence. If that alone doesn’t highlight just how emotional this game can get, you’re kidding yourself.

5. Queensland isn’t unstoppable
Some footy fans were lulled into a false sense of security because our side has outstanding players, “The Big Four” included. Couple that with our eight in a row series wins and I went into the series thinking that we had this in the bag. I felt generally safe, thinking that until Slater, Cronk, Smith and Inglis would retire, we’d always win. Well, clearly we didn’t. When it comes down to it, the Blues played better overall and as much as I don’t like it, they deserved to win this year.

6. The no punching rule is stupid
I miss Origin biffs. Bring them back please. All these “let’s get into each other’s faces and breathe deeply and not do anything and mutter angry words to each other” situations are really pathetic. I was expecting to see some fists flying last night because, hey, NSW had already won, but no. It’s just part of the rugby league culture to get into a physical disagreement now and then. Deal with it.

7. Hayne is not better than Slater
The rivalry between these two players has been well documented over the years, so much that some Blues enthusiasts have said that Hayne is better than Slater. Well, Queensland fan or not, that is simply not true. If not demonstrated by Slater’s performance versus Hayne’s performance, Slater is clearly the more talented fullback. Even if he does get away with a couple of misdemeanours that others can’t.

8. The referees need some serious counselling
Now, I’m not going to single out one individual ref, but I think the NRL referees in general need some guidance when it comes to calling the most important rugby league series of the year. Too many times have we seen stupid calls made this year and that alone has ruined the spirit and buzz of Origin. Please, referees, I have four words for you: sort your shit out.

Needless to say, congrats to the Blues and their very aggressive fans. You finally broke our streak. But we’ll be taking our trophy back next year, thanks.

CALL TO ME, CALL TO MEEEEEE.

– by The Black Widow

Dating Nikki: listen to your heart (as clichè as that sounds)

Dear Nikki,

I’m torn between two girls.

One of them I have a really strong physical connection with. We have amazing sex and she knows how to please me. On the other hand, the other girl just gets me, you know? We can talk about everything and anything.

I really like them both and don’t want to hurt either of them.

Please help!

Confused Guy

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Dear Confused Guy,

This sounds awfully like a #DatingNikki case I had previously… if you are the guy she’s talking about, this is extremely awkies.

Either way, I’m going to give you the clichè that is so deftly placed in the headline of this column: “listen to your heart”. Basically what you’ve got is a good physical connection with one girl (who for the sake of this article we’ll call “Summer”) but your emotional connection is lacking, and you have a good emotional connection with the other girl (who for the sake of this article we’ll call “Layla”) but you’re not sure if you’ll have as good a physical connection with her.

I would personally base your decision on what you’re ultimately looking for: if you’re looking for something more long-term and substantial, then I would probably go with Layla. You can always establish a good physical connection with her once you get over the first awkward hump. You can spice things up to get your blood pumpin’ in the future while you can’t necessarily fake an emotional connection if you’re not legitimately feeling it with Summer.

If, on the other hand, you are just looking for a regular nightly or overnightly fling, then Summer is definitely the girl for you. If you’re worried about having a really bad physical connection with Layla, at least it’s guaranteed that you have a good one with Summer. In saying that, if you don’t feel as if you really get Summer as a person, then that may be a huge problem if you do venture into a long-term relationship with her.

My advice would be this: figure out what you want in life and then make your decision. The longer you keep this going – and depending on if the girls know about each other – someone is going to get hurt the longer you drag this out.

There’s always the swerve decision that you choose neither girl, but where’s the fun in that?

Happy dating… and go the Broncos!

– by The Black Widow

If you have a question or need some good ol’ fashioned blunt advice from #DatingNikki, use the Contact page on our website and put in your comment “Subject: Dating Nikki” or alternatively send me an e-mail at widowslure@gmail.com and put “Dating Nikki” in the subject line. I will respond to your cries for help as soon as possible!

Top 10 Video Game Characters We Awkwardly Find Attractive

Video game characters – or characters that are fictional in any way COUGH COUGH – are just that: not real.

Yet for some odd reason, these animated game characters are attractive, whether it be for their appearance, looks, quirkyness or just all around badassness. Most preferably the last of the lot, because everyone loves a badass.

In no particular order, here are the top 10 video game characters that one shouldn’t be attracted to (because they’re not real) but is anyway:

10. Crimson Viper (Street Fighter series)
crimsonviper

I don’t know what is hotter about Crimson Viper – the fact that she has Eva Marie-esque long red hair or her techno suit that turns an otherwise ordinary sassy businesswoman into a spectacular fighter. Also, how sexy is the name “Crimson Viper”. I can assure you that if I ever met someone with that name over the phone, I would assume she’d be as badass as C. Viper here. Let’s also make a quick mention of how her breasts hang so casually from her otherwise conservative outfit. And her midriff which shows her well toned stomach.

9. Nathan Drake (Uncharted series)
nathandrake

It shouldn’t take one long to realise why Nathan Drake is on this list; he is almost the quintessential male action hero. He’s tall, big, strong with rugged manly features, has an uncanny ability to stay alive even in the most dangerous situations, and a certain charm to him that would make even the most headstrong woman (or man) flutter their eyes. Can we also just take a second and appreciate his man scarf? Only Nathan Drake could pull something off like that.

8. Morrigan Aensland (Darkstalker series)
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If I told you to picture a succubus character, you would imagine a ghastly looking vampiric creature of the night. What you get in Darkstalkers, however, is Morrigan Aensland, who has more than her heart pouring out, if you know what I mean. Not that I’ve ever seen anyone with a light shade of green to their hair, but I think Morrigan pulls it off well, along with her bat-print leggings. Oh, and the bat wings growing out of her head. I bet you didn’t even notice that until now.

7. Joel (Last of Us)
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If there is one outstanding feature about this man’s man who resembles a more rugged, post-apocalyptic George Clooney, it’s his unwavering loyalty to his travelling companion Ellie. He is willing to put his life on the line for a little girl who he wouldn’t have known from a bar of soap previously, and is also willing to keep the zombiepocalypse going if it means keeping her alive. Don’t even get me started on when he refers to Ellie as “baby girl”. It hurts too much.

6. Juliet Starling (Lollipop Chainsaw)
julietstarling

If you don’t find a zombie hunting cheerleader with a chainsaw as weapon of choice and a decapitated head as a boyfriend attractive, there must be something wrong with you. Juliet is everything a regular zombie hero isn’t: bright, happy and slightly naive. She makes up for her limited weaknesses with being ridiculously cute (“Don’t be racist against cows, Nick!”) and for filling out a high school cheerleader outfit so well.

5. Ellis (Left 4 Dead 2)
ellisl4d2
My friend described Ellis’ looks very well when she compared him to Chace Crawford. Ellis isn’t the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree but his innocent view on the world combined with his boy-next-door good looks make him the ideal partner in any zombiepocalypse situation. Hell, even if there wasn’t a zombiepocalypse and you just wanted someone to hang out with – and stare at – Ellis is your man. How could you say no to that face?

4. Sonya Blade (Mortal Kombat series)
sonyablade
Every man and same-gender-attracted female appreciates a good pair of legs on a woman. Imagine if that woman’s legs were so strong that she could pick someone up in a handstand and split their body in half. Well, the only woman I know who can do that is Sonya Blade, MK’s resident army brat. Not only could Sonya dazzle you with her all-American girl beauty and tight leather pants, she could also save your ass if you were cornered in a dark alley by a group of King hitters. And she could do it with just one blown kiss.

3. Norman Jayden (Heavy Rain)
normanjayden

While others would argue that fellow Heavy Rain castmate Ethan Mars is more attractive, one can not look past Norman Jayden’s RIDICULOUSLY cute accent which makes it sound like he’s pronouncing his name “Nah-men”. He’s the cop you want on your side if you ever get in a pickle and you need someone to help you out. He’s also so dedicated to saving Ethan’s son that he’s willing to risk his life for it. What isn’t to love about a man who’s putting his life on the line for a kid he doesn’t know?

2. Lara Croft (Tomb Raider series)
laracroft

You cannot put “hot” and “video game character” in the same sentence without mentioning Lara Croft, who is arguably the world’s greatest female video game character. Lara is the original (and female version of) Nathan Drake: badass traveller with a knack of avoiding death and getting into mysterious locations and dangerous situations. I mean, come on, the girl learned to survive as a teenager all by herself, all the while keeping her tight body and beautiful British accent. And yes, one cannot go on without mentioning her large bust.

1. Chris Redfield (Resident Evil series)
chrisredfield

One usually thinks “I wish a man like Chris Redfield were real”. Well there’s no one even close. That’s how perfect this man is. He’s big, strong, loyal to his friends and family, a good charmer with a dedication to his work. He’s also willing to travel across the world to save his sister. And look at those biceps of his; I bet he could give the Hulk a run for his money when it comes to bench pressing. Chris is the right example of an action hero and is what all action heroes should aspire to be… and should aspire their chests and arms to be that big also.

If you’re all hot and flustered after reading that list, then you are now “one of us”. Welcome. We will treat you well.

– by The Black Widow