Review: Divergent

Firstly, I’d like to make a quick shout out to my brother William who turned 23 on Friday! As tradition suggests, we had to do whatever he wanted, and that included watching the movie adaptation of Divergentfeaturing my not so favourite actress, Shailene Woodley. I’m sorry but her character on Secret Life was irritating. #justsaying

Divergent was originally a novel written by Veronica Roth. (SOURCE: Naud/'s Flickr photostream)

Divergent was originally a novel written by Veronica Roth. (SOURCE: Naud/’s Flickr photostream)

Divergent tells the story of a post-war America that has a very specific but detailed way of living: inside their gated, unharmed-by-war community, the people live in five different factions: Abnegation, for those who are selfless; Erudite, for the brainy; Amity, for the peaceful hippies; Candor, for the sometimes-brutally honest; and Dauntless, for the brave and reckless. If you are not fortunate enough to fit in a faction, you are deemed “factionless”, which basically means you are dirty and homeless.

The film follows a young lady named Beatrice (later named “Tris”, as if that was a good idea), who was born in and lives with her family in Abnegation. Once people hit a certain age or stage of life, they are tested to see which faction they most fit, although they are given the choice to choose their own faction regardless of the test. Beatrice goes to get her test… uh oh. She fits all of them. She is a “Divergent”, which is basically a free-spirited rebel. Just to put things into perspective, being a Divergent is like being wrapped in raw meat and thrown into the Pacific Ocean.

My first observation of this movie was that it was very hard to follow. As soon as you are thrust into the movie, there are lots of facts and information thrown on you and it is your job as an observer to keep up. If you can’t keep up, tough titties! The movie goes on with or without your understanding. That, to me, was a very defining factor in my eventual disliking of the film.

The story of the film is very unique, and that’s a positive and a negative in its own right. It was an interesting way to tell a post-war America besides the usual “everyone is under arrest and some youthful rebel escapes and kills everyone”. In saying that, it was difficult for those unaware of the original story to follow. I thought the test was like the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter and you had no say in which faction you join, until Beatrice’s parents were crying and she was being dragged away.

The acting, for all intents and purposes, was okay, possibly saved only by my fair lady Kate Winslet (subtle shout out to Miss Benedicte Earl). As much as I don’t like her, Shailene Woodley is a decent actress. She is easy to believe as her character and she doesn’t have Kirsten Dunst face (a face that has no emotion whatsoever). Theo James, who was an unknown to me until this movie, looked as if he was trying too hard in my sweet and humble opinion. He’d be trying to act really hard and tough and scary but then would duckface his lips. It was quite funny to watch. Oh, and Jai Courtney was Eric was phenom. Mr. Courtney has found himself a new fan.

I get that the producers had a lot of content to fit in the film so not to disappoint the book fans, but man Divergent is one long ass movie. If my phone wasn’t dead in the cinema, I would have been constantly checking the time. As a plus, however, there was some humour thrown into the film that I found quite refreshing from all the serious faction stuff.

Solst-o-meter
Storyline:
6/10
Casting and acting:
6/10
Experience: 5/10
Overall:
6/10

I think if I had read the novel before watching the movie, I would have enjoyed it more, but the intensity of the film was too much for me to personally take in. The intent was there to deliver an excellent movie, but to me, it flopped pretty badly. I would recommend watching it, but maybe later when it’s out on TV or something.

– by The Black Widow

I’ve Given Up On M.Night Shyamalan

I want to take a little time to recall some brilliant films. Do you remember a movie about a child who could see and talk to dead people? I do, and I remember it being full of genuinely frightening moments and an atomic bomb of a story twist; this was The Sixth Sense, directed by M.Night Shyamalan only fifteen years ago.

This is what everyone looked like watching it, don't lie.

This is what everyone looked like watching it, don’t lie.

I also fondly recall watching Unbreakable for the first time, which also contained a mind-shattering twist and a damn good cast of actors; again, Shyamalan is responsible for creating this cult film.

Badass

Badass

And here is where the problem comes to light; can you recall a film about trees who make people suicidal? If you can’t, pat yourself on the back, you really saved yourself time and sanity. The Happening was also the work of Shyamalan, the same guy who created instant classics and then went on to produce pieces of actual poop.

OH GOD, WHY TREES, WHY?

OH GOD, WHY TREES, WHY?

I have tried to keep calm in the face of such terrible film making, telling myself that it’s okay. Maybe he’s a one trick pony and theres only so long he can make twist endings work, maybe his first few movies were some sort of fluke, a moment of his insanity that happened to work. I did this over and over: with films like The Village, and Lady in the Water. But god dammit if I’m not tired of trying so hard. Not after what he did, not after making The Last Airbender.

One of the best television shows

One of the best television shows

One of the worst things in my life (Sorry, kid)

One of the worst things in my life (Sorry, kid)

Shyamalan, if you’re out there and somehow reading this obscure article: WHAT THE FUCK, MAN? You don’t do that. You just can’t take a wonderfully-written, highly-praised, beautifully-animated television show, take all the good things out of it, and drop it on the big screen. I wanted to stick by you, even through the awkwardly directed acting and plot holes, because although I’m always disappointed by you, your films always seem to have an interesting premise. But no, you really fucked up this time.

But even amidst that awfulness there seemed to be a silver lining; this film was so bad that there was no way he would ever direct again. Then came After Earth (vomiting sound), and now he is in the mix to produce three different television programmes, and heres hoping that he just stays as the producer.

Smug bastard

Smug bastard

The purpose of this article was to mostly rant, but also to voice my genuine concerns. Why does this man keep making films? Who keeps giving him the work? And more importantly, how do we stop it? This is coming from someone who really loved the film Signs. In all seriousness, that movie planted the seed for my phobia of extraterrestrials, and any person that can induce that has some amazing power. But I think that power has been abused and needs to be taken away.

by Josefina Huq

Hitchcock’s Hotties

In an attempt to make myself seem and feel more cultured, I have embarked on a movie journey, watching and re-watching Hitchcock films, one movie a night. Alfred Hitchcock, despite being a troubled and eccentric director, is definitely my favourite movie director in the history of cinema. Sorry Spielberg.

While watching movies such as Dial M for Murder and Strangers on a Train, I couldn’t help but notice just how damn attractive the main actors and actresses were. I don’t know whether this is because being that beautiful was the norm during the 50s or because over time, we have just become uglier and uglier (unless your name is Jase Dean). Either way, I feel as if the actors and actresses of today’s generation need to step their game up compared to the likes of these hunks and bombshells.

Naturally, I felt the need to rank these amazing guys and girls in order of personal preference. If you aren’t familiar with Hitchcock’s films, prepare to be wowed. Some of these stars were in more than one Hitchcock film and some of them only appeared in one. Either way, I still consider them Hitchcock’s stars.

The Boys
5. Farley Granger
farleygranger
This handsome bloke was featured in two of Hitchcock’s films, Rope and Strangers on a Train, the latter being one of my favourites. Granger has this innocent, cute boyish charm about him, sure, but you want to know the cutest thing about this guy? He was with his partner Robert Calhoun from 1963 all the way to his death in 2008. Longevity in a Hollywood relationship is a rare gem, so that definitely boosts Granger up the list.

4. Sean Connery
seanconnery
I really shouldn’t have to explain what makes Sean Connery attractive. You have the choice of his dashing good looks, his sculpted body or his “Connery voice”. If you’re surprised that Connery is on this list, he just made the cut, appearing in one of Hitchcock’s last films Marnie. Despite one questionable scene in the film, Connery is just as charming in the film as he is in general.

3. James Stewart
jamesstewart
As the kids nowadays would say, dat drawl tho. One of Hitchcock’s legends, Stewart appeared in four of Hitchcock’s films – Rope, Rear Window, The Man Who Knew Too Much and Vertigo. While Stewart is a handsome man with a gentleman charm to him, his distinctive drawl voice was probably the sexiest thing about this cinema legend. If you want a modern sample, a snippet of his voice can be heard in McFly’s Love is Easy song around the 2:46 mark. Game, set and match.

2. Cary Grant
carygrant
Probably Hitchcock’s greatest male protege, Cary Grant is also featured in four of his films – Suspicion, Notorious, To Catch a Thief and North by Northwest. If the picture isn’t enough to show you just how damn attractive this man is, may I suggest you rent To Catch a Thief from your local video store and watch the scene where he comes out of the water at the beach and lays down on the sand, rather suggestively might I add. You’re welcome.

1. John Gavin
johngavin17
Unfortunately for us, John Gavin only appeared in Hitchcock’s Psycho, but at least you got a good shirtless glimpse of this Hispanic hunk (alliteration 101). I don’t really need to explain why he is number one on the list. Just let the picture and your subsequent Google stalking speak for itself.

The Girls
5. Doris Day
dorisday
With a face like that and a voice equally as beautiful, it should be no surprise that this bombshell is on the list. Day appeared in The Man Who Knew Too Much and is probably most well known for the song Que Sera, Sera (Whatever Will Be, Will Be) which was made for the suspense film. If you want to have a listen to Day’s original version of the song, here’s a quality link.

4. Janet Leigh
janetleigh
The third star from Psycho to be included in this list, Janet Leigh played the all important role of Marion Crane in the film, which earned her a Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actress. Besides the all important shower scene, Leigh appears at the beginning of the film in her bra alongside a shirtless John Gavin, which I am assuming was the back-in-the-day equivalent of a full on nude scene today. An interesting note: Janet Leigh is the mother of Jamie Lee Curtis, who went on to become a Scream Queen in her own right.

3. Kim Novak
kimnovak
Not at all related to Jack Novak, Kim Novak is best known for appearing in Hitchcock’s Vertigo. While her character was originally a brunette, there’s no denying that Novak looked better as a (Hitchcock) blonde. If watching this blonde bombshell babe isn’t motivation enough for you to watch Vertigo, let me tell you this – the film is one of my personal favourites just because it took me nearly a whole day to understand what happened in it.

2. Tippi Hedren
tippihedren
One of my personal favourite actresses, Tippi Hedren has the acting ability to match her stunning good looks. It’s no surprise that Alfred Hitchcock was obsessed with her (depending on which series of events you want to believe). Beautiful Miss Hedren was featured in two of Hitchcock’s greatest films, The Birds and Marnie, the latter of which is widely considered as Hitchcock’s last great. In my opinion, it’s because Tippi Hedren is a legend.

1. Grace Kelly
gracekelly
To those who know me well, it shouldn’t be a surprise that this cinema goddess is number one. If perfection were personified in any human being that has ever walked this earth, it would be Grace Kelly. Without a doubt Hitchcock’s most popular actress, Kelly appeared in three of his films – Dial M for Murder, Rear Window and To Catch a Thief. Words cannot express just how beautiful Miss Kelly is. It is no surprise that Kelly won the heart of Prince Rainier III of Monaco and subsequently became Princess Grace of Monaco. Kelly’s legend still lives on; one of the most mainstream examples of this would be MIKA’s song Grace Kelly.

I really think that this article alone should motivate people to partake of the genius that is Alfred Hitchcock’s cinema legacy. Excellent storylines, great films and, of course, hot men and women. One more time: you’re welcome.

– by The Black Widow

The Different Paths to a Man’s Heart

“The way to a man’s heart is through stomach and sports.”
Two Can Play That Game, 2001
film

The wise words of Shante Smith are so accurate. Ladies, pay good attention to this. You see that guy over there that you’ve been dying to make yours but you don’t know how to seize him, leash him and place a nice “OWNED” sticker on his forehead? (NOTE: not really). SolSat is here to help you win a man’s heart.

Do as I say and you will have your man in the palm of your hand, much like Shonte here.

Do as I say and you will have your man in the palm of your hand, much like Shante here.

A man’s gotta eat!
Men like to eat. Men like food. Men like to eat food. Now don’t take this as a sexist “I am not becoming a 50s housewife and delegating myself back to the kitchen” kind of thing because it’s not like that. It’s simple: men love food. Surprise the man with your stellar cooking skills and invite him over for a fabulous dinner. If you are kitchenally challenged, don’t worry – if you have to sneak in some takeaway through the back door, slap it on a plate and call it your own, go for it. The happier the man’s stomach, the happier the man. Ask around for his favourite dish and “just happen” to cook that for him and he’ll be putty in your hand.

Up the Broncos!
Can I just say that anyone who has the same passion and fire for rugby league will automatically shoot into my favourites list, especially if they have the same love for the Broncos, All Blacks or any of my other sporting teams. Most men love their sports or at least have an interest in it, and nothing is sexier than a woman who knows the difference between league and union or how to kick a solid 40m conversion. In saying that, don’t go out of your way to impress him with sports knowledge if you literally have none – nothing is more painful to watch than girls babbling about how they love sports and the only athlete they know is Sonny Bill Williams. Bitch please. NOTE: don’t overdo it, otherwise you might friendzone yourself.

The endangered species of the girl gamer
Just as much as men love sports, they also love their video games – if not made apparent by the gazillions of “He broke my heart so I broke his Xbox”-esque pages on Facebook. Wow the man with your team deathmatch skills on COD and your impressive knowledge on the Tarkatan clan from Mortal Kombat.  Just the same as sports, don’t over do it in case of friendzoning.

Love me, love me, say that you love me
No I am not advocating you walk up to a random man at a bar and say “Oh my god I think I love you”. That’s creepy. No, what I’m saying is to appreciate your desired man by complimenting him and making him feel as if he’s the only one.  While this sounds very feminine and most men wouldn’t openly admit to feeling like this, the truth is that most men like being treated like royalty and will most likely want to wife you if you do so.

Most importantly: be yourself
I know this may seem a bit contradictory as it appears that I’m telling you to change yourself for the sake of a man, but that’s not my intention. If you don’t want to get off your arse and cook or watch a game of footy, don’t. However, it’s always wise to use your talents and knowledge to your advantage. Men (at least, the good ones) can see through an act so if you’re trying too hard to be someone you aren’t, they’ll see through that and be turned off. Nothing is more appealing than a woman who is comfortable in her own skin and does not apologise for being herself. Men will appreciate this and will like this about you.

In interviewing some men for this post, I found a couple that said “they aren’t won over too easily”, so follow my rules and that man will change his ways and be putty in your hands. Putty, I tells ya.

– by The Black Widow