Category Archives: Lifestyle

Adult Skills

Posted in Lifestyle by

Over the age of eighteen? Well this article was written for you – unless you have your shit together, than you can ignore all of this. But don’t lie to yourself. If you’re that twenty-something year old who just moved out of their childhood home, or that middle-aged man who just separated and realised that they actually don’t know how to wash their own jocks then read on.

I don’t care if you’re happy to keep letting the people around you do every job that you haven’t bothered to learn; you’re an adult. There are some things that you have to know before it’s too late. But before we continue I admit that I don’t know how to do half of these things, however I am aware that I should.

Cook

Is this you?

Is this you?

I don’t expect even the most pro-active of people to be great at this, but if you’re at least able to not make yourself sick then that’s good enough. Cooking is the shit. It satisfies your mind, your tum-tum, and if you get better at it, your ego. Domino’s pizza and two-minute noodles can only satisfy a person for so long; ditching the microwavables and deep-fried crapola means that you’re on your way to becoming a well-balanced adult. Don’t fool yourself buddy; it doesn’t matter how many KFC coupons you’ve saved up, in the long run learning to at least fry an egg will keep your wallet and stomach comfortably full.

Clean

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How not to clean

What the fuck are you doing mopping the floor with detergent? You obviously didn’t help your parents with the cleaning, did you? You can’t survive simply off of windex and detergent, you need various chemicals for various things. You could ask your parents because they are probably real adults and will help you out. If you don’t want your dishwasher to overflow with bubbles or you’re wanting to get rid of those weird mushrooms growing out of your shower, it’s time to pick up a Chux and read some instructions.

Read

I don’t mean this in a general way like “you’re not an adult unless you read x amount of novels,” but there are some things that might prove helpful to read. The older you get the easier it is to get fat. That grid of numbers on the back of food packages could help you determine what you should eat, how much and why. Buzz-words like “low-fat” and “90% of your daily fibre” may lead you to think that some products are superior, but this deception can vanish when you read its Nutritional Information.

Another thing that should make sense to you is analogue time. For some people it really is a problem. But not every watch and clock in the world has switched over to digital just yet, so don’t assume that you don’t need to know how to read them.

Mend and Spend

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Time to get a new shirt

Calm down; you don’t need a sewing machine just yet, but you should have a few things in case of emergencies. Thread, needle, and maybe some buttons will come in handy (On another note: KEEP the spare buttons that come with new clothing). Before planning a trip to K-Mart really look at the damage. If it’s a small hole or a lost button chances are you can mend it yourself rather than spending more mulla.

Another part of being an adult is realising that expensive clothes are just that for a reason. As a rule of thumb these clothes will last longer, assuming you care for it responsibly. It means that instead of getting a pair of skinnys from Target that will last a month or two, you should maybe check out that fancy looking denim boutique.

Finance

Even though many adults are still supported by other people (no shame) there is still a certain level of responsibility you have to have. It’s dependent on the person but simply budgeting or tracking what you buy can help you save money. This is a tip I’ve heard over and over again but it still rings true: When you think of buying something, think of what you would rather be given by somebody else; that thing or the equivalent in money?

Always making sure you have some sort of income is essential to live a good life, this means not quitting a job before you find a new one, remembering to report to Centrelink or even being grateful for the money someone else is supporting you with.

Long story short: Money keeps you alive, always make sure you have a steady supply of it.

Listen to your body

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Ow! My spraying hand

After eighteen years of your life you should be used to your own body, but sometimes it’s easy to forget that you are responsible for it. It seems like common sense but sometimes we neglect going to the doctors and certain specialists because of the time, effort, and expenses that come with it. These things can exponentially rise if left alone; toothaches can turn into expensive root-canal procedures, intolerances can lead to severe allergies. And the routine things we have to do; pap smears, STD checks and breast exams are things that could potentially save your life. Keep up with your checkups.

Wrap A Present

Seriously, it’s not funny anymore. Nobody likes a nice present bundled up in butchers paper and masking tape.

−  by Josefina Huq

Top 6 Customers That Every Retail Worker Hates

Posted in Lifestyle by

“You either love it, or you hate it. There’s no in between.”

This quote is very much true when it comes to working in retail: it can be the fun, exciting and dynamic experience that young, impressionable teenagers see which makes them want to work in retail, or it can be painful and God forsaken and it can turn the best of people into world-loathing cynics.

Speaking of the latter, it’s not the work that turns them into fun-suckers… it’s the customers. As someone who works in retail, I can say that there are customers who need nothing more than a good frying pan to fall out of the sky and squash them into the ground (subtle Snowboard Kids reference).

So you're one of these customers? It'd be a shame if... someone pushed you down these stairs. (SOURCE: Björn Láczay's Flickr photostream)

So you’re one of these customers? It’d be a shame if… someone pushed you down these stairs. (SOURCE: Björn Láczay’s Flickr photostream)

While it is true that there are some lovely customers that you would be happy to go out of your way to accommodate, the truth is that there are too many unpleasant customers that retail workers have to deal with on a daily basis. To give you a fair idea, here are some of the types of customers that every retail worker loathes to deal with (and provided examples):

The Ignorant Questioner
These are the ones that ask the workers questions, which they are perfectly entitled to, except they keep asking the same question over and over to the point where the worker might believe they’re talking to a malfunctioning fembot from Austin Powers. An example:

Customer: Is this garment on sale?
Worker #1: No, it’s full priced, so it’s 29.95.
Customer: Okay… (five seconds later). Excuse me, is this garment on sale?
Worker #2: No, it’s full priced.

Asking someone else isn’t going to get you the answer that you seek. I honestly don’t understand the logic behind this.

The Complainer
“But this top was on the sale rack even though there is a whole set of them placed on the other side of the store marked correctly… I demand you give it to me on sale or so help me I will complain to your manager.” If you don’t think these types of people exist… they do. They will go to extreme lengths to get what they want, even if what they want is absolutely ridiculous. The Complainer will argue with you until the cows come home and will effectively forget that people have feelings.

Customer: Oh the music is so loud and awful in here! I can’t shop in this environment!
Worker: Sorry, the volume is always like this and I can’t change it.
Customer: Well, you’ve just lost a customer!

Because I’m sure that $5 top you were considering was going to have a huge effect on the ultimate sales for the day.

The Slave Driver
On workers job descriptions, it’ll list them as “Retail manager” or “Sales assistant”. Nowhere does it say “Personal shopping basket” or “Other size fetcher”. Technically speaking, people who work in retail don’t have to offer you any kind of personal assistance at all, really; they choose to. Certain people, however, choose to take advantage of this general sweetness and put workers to slavery.

Worker: Is there anything I can help you with?
Customer: Well, I want to try these pants on. Could you be a darl and babysit my baby, watch my trolley, and stand here in case I need another size? Actually… just get me the size up, just in case. Thanks. Oh… here’s the baby.

This may come as a shock to some people, but people who work in retail are human beings as well. Human beings like to be treated as human beings sometimes. What a nifty little idea!

The Grub
So you want to try on three pairs of pants and three matching tops? Fair enough. You’re within your right. But you don’t like any of them… so what do you do? The Grub leaves their tried-on garments inside out on the floor of the change room in a pile of mess, and expect the workers to clean up after them as if they’re some incapable toddler who has gone for a run about.

Customer: Whoops… I accidentally knocked over that table display of shoes. Oh well. Better walk out now and leave it for the workers.
Worker: (chronic swearing in fifteen different languages)

If it’s that easy to take off the hanger, I’m sure it is as easy to put back on. Weird concept, right?

The Bargainer
I understand that some stores may have the privilege of altering prices to make that ultimate sale, but most don’t. So there really is no point in trying to bargain an item if the price tag is set in stone.

Worker: These ones are $49.95.
Customer: There’s a tiny, almost invisible mark on these boots. Can I get a discount on them?

No. You can’t.

The Indecisive Douchebag
This may come to a surprise to some people but putting a refund or exchange through the store’s sale system is a long process. It isn’t just a snap-of-the-fingers-and-it’s-done type thing. So when a customer buys something and then all of a sudden decides they don’t want it, no amount of apologies will make up for the half hour you just wasted of their lives.

Customer: I’ll just buy the pink scarf, thanks.
Worker: Thank you. Have a good day.
Customer: Actually, no; I want the orange one.

With exchanges, it’s also important to note that you can’t just take the new one and walk out. That is called stealing.

If there is one thing I want to leave at the end of this, it’s this: people who work in retail are human beings as well, so treat them like you want to be treated.

– by The Black Widow

Satisfashion: Coloured suits for men

Posted in Lifestyle, Satisfashion by

Hey guys, are you looking to stand out in a spectacular way?

Gents, if you have a formal event coming up and you want to make a statement, maybe a coloured suit is the way to go.

Men’s formal fashion is very basic: you chuck on some slacks, a button up shirt, some nice pleather shoes, and Bobsuruncle. Ties, blazers and sleek aviators optional. It is because of this that men don’t usually put much thought into what they’re going to wear at formal occasions, and to me, that is quite sad. It is possible for a man to outshine his beautiful female partner if he does it well.

Plus, to a woman, a man in a nice suit is the equivalent to a woman in skimpy lingerie to a man.

My best mate Rachel and I. This was four years ago and I look the same.

My best mate Rachel and I. This was four years ago and I look the same.

If you want to take formal dress just that extra bit further, however, coloured suits are becoming more frequent nowadays. They come in very obvious colours like lime green, royal blue and SolSat magenta – the latter of which being owned by yours truly.

Wearing a coloured suit is just like wearing a coloured dress for a lady; the suit is the statement so the extra additionals should compliment that statement and present it accordingly. If you plan on wearing a royal blue coloured suit, please for the love of Grace Kelly, do not try to compliment it with a red shirt and a yellow tie. You will look like a children’s finger painting gone wrong.

For a coloured suit, use basic shades to compliment your suit so that the suit is the most outstanding part of your outfit. Wear whites, greys, and blacks in your outfit; a blue suit would look smashing with a black button-up shirt and a white bow tie. If you’re daring enough, compliment the suit with a different shade of the same colour. A hot pink suit matched with a white button-up and a baby pink neck tie would look deadset phenom.

I wore a hot pink coloured suit to my year 12 graduation formal and was nominated for best dressed for my outfits. The light accents of a black shirt with a light silver neck tie complimented the outfit and made the pink suit the ultimate highlight of the outfit.

Guys, if you have a wedding coming up or something else of formal importance, don’t hesitate to try a coloured suit out. When done correctly, they can look just out of this world.

Just don’t try cross-colour. It is truthfully heinous.

– by The Black Widow

Dating Nikki: Popping the question

Posted in Dating Nikki by

Are you sure you’re ready to go that that stage of the relationship?

So you’ve been with your significant other for quite some time (time variable depending on the relationship) and you love them. That’s good! But now, you love them so much that you want to take your relationship further… as in “Let’s grow old together and have babies” further.

Eep.

Hang in there, mate. It gets easier. (SOURCE: Shawn Paradis' Flickr photostream)

Hang in there, mate. It gets easier. (SOURCE: Shawn Paradis’ Flickr photostream)

Popping the all-important question is a daunting task for anyone to endure, male or female. It’s not as if asking someone (or trapping them) to spend the rest of their lives with you is a walk in the park.  The proposal is not only just from the male nowadays, which is something I rather enjoy. More women are getting down on their knee to propose to their loved ones, so girls, this one applies to you as well.

Before I get on my usual high horse where I’m dishing out advice left right and centre, it’s important that I note that I’ve never proposed to anyone nor have I ever been proposed to (tear) so I am not speaking from personal experience here, but more from what I think you should do, from other people’s positive experiences to what I would like in a future proposal.

Be confident, b-e confident
Nothing would be unsexier or more uncomfortable than watching someone scratch themselves, sweat up a storm and stutter because they are that nervous. Walk into that intimate setting with your head held high and own it. Own what you’re about to do. Drop down to that knee, never taking your eye off that other person, and pop the question. Of course, don’t go overboard that you end up sounding like “Oi babe, marry me hey”, because that is a douchey thing to do. Deliver your message firmly. The other person will be so blown away that they will happily accept your proposal, regardless of your cooking ability.

Have a game plan
If you plan on going into this proposal and “winging it”, you will be sad to hear that you will fail miserably. Winging something as important as the life-changing proposal is a silly mistake, so if you’ve got the ring and you haven’t got the yes yet, come up with a plan. Where will you be? How are you going to do it? What is going to make your proposal better than any ol’ proposal? How are you going to deliver the proposal? These questions and more should be answered and plotted in your proposal to make sure that it’s effortless and… FLAWLESS!

Know his/her ring size!
She’s said yes. You’re elated. You go to slip that ring on her finger… oops, her finger’s too fat. Your moment is ruined. This is a problem that most men (sorry to be gender specific) have an issue with. You can’t outright ask them what their ring size is because then they’ll know what you’re up to. Your best bet? Steal one of his/her rings and take it to a jeweller and ask what size that is. Alternatively, you could ask his/her friend for a little help. It’s common knowledge that best friends share everything, but with something as huge as a proposal? You’ll have nothing to worry about.

Be prepared for the worst
I know this is kind of a morbid thing to say, but say things don’t exactly go your way when you’ve proposed… you will need a back up plan. In case this happens, it’ll make the situation all the more awkward if you’re still on your knee staring at them with the blankest expression on your face. Get up. Shrug it off. Tell them that you still love them regardless. Quietly die inside. Quietly.

To anyone who is thinking of popping the question any time soon, good luck! We here at Solstice Satisfaction wish you and your partner well in your future!

– by The Black Widow